Trialogues

[Setting is a video store counter. A cashier is behind the counter serving customers. Two customers hand the cashier their card. She taps it and hands it back with a receipt. A third customer hands her cash. She automatically taps it on the machine. When it doesn’t work she tries again, then she realizes she's been handed cash. She is not sure what to do.] CASHIER I'm sorry, you don’t happen to have your card, do you? CUSTOMER Ah, no I left it at home. CASHIER You....left it at home? CUSTOMER Yes, I had plenty of cash on me, so I didn’t think I would need it. CASHIER Oh, well that was rather thoughtless, wasn’t it? CUSTOMER Sorry? CASHIER Well, what if you needed it for something, you know like buying a DVD. CUSTOMER But I am buying a DVD, with cash. CASHIER Yes, ah, excuse me one moment. [She speaks into a microphone]. CASHIER Could I get assistance to the counter please. Assistance to the counter. [to customer] Won't be a moment. [A store assistant enters.] STORE ASS What’s up? CASHIER This customer gave me this. [Shows Shop Asst. money] STORE ASS Oh. I see. Yes, that is a problem. CASHIER What do I do? SHOP ASS It’s alright, we’re prepared for this. Remember the workshops. CASHIER Right, we had to..... [looking for the answer] STORE ASS Tell them the register is broken. CASHIER Tell them the register is broken, that’s right. [to customer] I’m sorry, the register is broken you'll have to come back later, WITH A CARD. CUSTOMER Broken? It doesn’t look broken to me. CASHIER And you're an expert on this sort of thing are you? CUSTOMER Actually I am. I’m an electronics engineer. That register was working fine with all the other customers. CASHIER That’s because they had a CARD. CUSTOMER Makes no difference, the register still works regardless. CASHIER [to sales ass] What do I do? STORE ASS I'll handle this. [to customer] Now look here sir, you can’t come in here flashing cash all over the place and expect to be served. CUSTOMER Yes I can. Isn't that the point? STORE ASS Well...uh... One moment please. CASHIER What do we do? STORE ASS Give me a second. I'll call the manager. [The store assistant takes out his phone & hits a button] STORE ASS Hello, Sir. Uh..sorry to disturb you, It's Barry from Sound & Vision. Yes, We have a slight problem, sir. A customer came in with cash. Tell security to kick him out? Isn't that a bit extreme? Yes, I understand, desperate measures for desperate circumstances. Thank you sir, sorry to bother you. CASHIER What did he say? STORE ASS If all else fails, kick him out. CUSTOMER What was that all about? STORE ASS Just consulting with management, sir, nothing to worry. CUSTOMER I don't understand all the fuss. I have the money, I just want to pay and be on my way. STORE ASS Yes, well it's not as simple as that... CUSTOMER ; Not as simple! This is ridiculous. Here is the the DVD, Here is the cash, Put the cash in the till, log the payment, and give me a receipt. It can't get any simpler than that. CASHIER Are you telling me how to do my job? CUSTOMER Well, clearly the basics of it seem to have eluded you. CASHIER So, you're saying I'm stupid? CUSTOMER I...wouldn't put it like that. CASHIER How would you put it then? CUSTOMER [trying to find the words] Incapable of handling something outside your area of expertise. CASHIER You think I'm an idiot. [to Store Assistant] Did you hear that? He called me an idiot! CUSTOMER I didn't say that. CASHIER Are you going to stand there and let him talk to me like that? STORE ASS This has gone far enough. I think you should leave. CUSTOMER No! I want this DVD. STORE ASS If you don't Ieave I'm going to call security. CUSTOMER This is absurd, I'm not leaving without this DVD. STORE ASS It's just a DVD, you can buy it somewhere else. CUSTOMER I don't have time for that. STORE ASS If it's that important you can make the time. CASHIER I don't understand why a grown man would want to watch Titanic anyway. CUSTOMER My wife asked me to get it. CASHIER Your wife. Really? [she doesn't believe him]. STORE ASS And you do everything your wife tells you, do you? <slight laugh> [The cashier gives the store assistant a death stare. The Store assistant shuffles uncomfortably.] CUSTOMER Alright, it's for me. So what? CASHIER I bet you don’t even have a wife, do you? CUSTOMER Well, no. Actually I have a toothless cat, but that's beside the point. CASHIER Let me spare you three hours of grief, The boat sinks, she survives and the guy drowns, end of story. CUSTOMER Well thanks a lot. CASHIER You're welcome. Now you don't need the DVD. Goodbye. CUSTOMER Not! I want this DVD. I want to see the whole movie from start to finish. CASHIER Then come back with a card. CUSTOMER I refuse to go home to get a card just because you can't do your job. CASHIER He's calling me stupid again. This is harassment, I'm not going to stand here and take this. STORE ASS Bullying is an offence. If you don't leave now I'm calling the police. CUSTOMER I'm not bullying anyone. CASHIER You called me an idiot four times. CUSTOMER It was only three.