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6 Types of Relationships and Their Effect on Your Life By Kendra Cherry, MSEd Medically reviewed by Sabrina Romanoff, PsyD Interpersonal relationships make up a huge and vital part of your life. These relationships can range from close and intimate to distant and challenging. No matter the nature of the relationship, different types of relationships help make up the social support network that is pivotal for both your physical and mental well-being. To better understand and discuss these relationships accurately, it can be helpful to learn more about the different types of relationships that a person can have. > What Is a Relationship? A relationship is any connection between two people, which can be either positive or negative. You can have a relationship with a wide range of people, including family and friends. The phrase "being in a relationship," while often linked with romantic relationships, can refer to various associations one person has with another. To "be in a relationship" doesn't always mean there is physical intimacy, emotional attachment, and/or commitment involved. People engage in many different types of relationships that have unique characteristics. > Basic Types of Relationships Relationships typically fall into one of several different categories (although these can sometimes overlap): Family relationships Friendships Acquaintances Romantic relationships Sexual relationships Work relationships Situational relationships (sometimes called "situationships") These different forms of relationships can vary greatly in terms of closeness, and there are also different subtypes of relationships within each of these basic types. Some of the different kinds of relationships that you might experience at some point in your life include the following. 1. Platonic Relationships A platonic relationship is a type of friendship that involves a close, intimate bond without sex or romance. These relationships tend to be characterized by: Closeness Fondness Understanding Respect Care Support Honesty Acceptance Platonic relationships can occur in a wide range of settings and can involve same-sex or opposite-sex friendships. You might form a platonic relationship with a classmate or co-worker, or you might make a connection with a person in another setting such as a club, athletic activity, or volunteer organization you are involved in. This type of relationship can play an essential role in providing social support, which is essential for your health and well-being. Research suggests that platonic friendships can help reduce your risk for disease, lower your risk for depression or anxiety, and boost your immunity. Platonic relationships are those that involve closeness and friendship without sex. Sometimes platonic relationships can change over time and shift into a romantic or sexual relationship. 2. Romantic Relationships Romantic relationships are those characterized by feelings of love and attraction for another person. While romantic love can vary, it often involves feelings of infatuation, intimacy, and commitment. Experts have come up with a variety of different ways to describe how people experience and express love. For example, psychologist Robert Sternberg suggests three main components of love: passion, intimacy, and decision/commitment. Romantic love, he explains, is a combination of passion and intimacy. Romantic relationships tend to change over time. At the start of a relationship, people typically experience stronger feelings of passion. During this initial infatuation period, the brain releases specific neurotransmitters (dopamine, oxytocin, and serotonin) that cause people to feel euphoric and "in love." Over time, these feelings start to lessen in their intensity. As the relationship matures, people develop deeper levels of emotional intimacy and understanding. Romantic relationships often burn hot at the beginning. While the initial feelings of passion usually lessen in strength over time, feelings of trust, emotional intimacy, and commitment grow stronger. 3. Codependent Relationships A codependent relationship is an imbalanced, dysfunctional type of relationship in which a partner has an emotional, physical, or mental reliance on the other person. It is also common for both partners to be mutually co-dependent on each other. Both may take turns enacting the caretaker role, alternating between the caretaker and the receiver of care. Characteristics of a codependent relationship include: Acting as a giver while the other person acts as a taker Going to great lengths to avoid conflict with the other person Feeling like you have to ask permission to do things Having to save or rescue the other person from their own actions Doing things to make someone happy, even if they make you uncomfortable Feeling like you don't know who you are in the relationship Elevating the other person even if they've done nothing to earn your goodwill and admiration Not all codependent relationships are the same, however. They can vary in terms of severity. Codependency can impact all different types of relationships including relationships between romantic partners, parents and children, friendship, other family members, and even coworkers. Codependent relationships are co-constructed. While one partner might seem more "needy," the other partner might feel more comfortable being needed. Someone who feels more comfortable being needed, for instance, may avoid focusing on their own needs by choosing a partner who constantly needs them. 4. Casual Relationships Casual relationships often involve dating relationships that may include sex without expectations of monogamy or commitment. However, experts suggest that the term is vague and can mean different things to different people. According to the authors of one study published in the Canadian Journal of Human Sexuality, casual relationships can encompass situations such as: One-night stands Booty calls "Sex" buddies Friends with benefits Such relationships often exist on a continuum that varies in the levels of frequency of contact, type of contact, amount of personal disclosure, discussion of the relationship, and degree of friendship. The study found that people with more sexual experience were better able to identify the definitions of these labels compared to people with less sexual experience. Casual relationships are often common among young adults. As long as casual relationships are marked by communication and consent, they can have several sex-positive benefits. They can satisfy the need for sex, intimacy, connection, and companionship without the emotional demand and energy commitment of a more serious relationship. Casual relationships tend to be more common among younger adults, but people of any age can engage in this type of relationship. Consent and communication are key. 5. Open Relationships An open relationship is a type of consensually non-monogamous relationship in which one or more partners have sex or relationships with other people. Both people agree to have sex with other people in an open relationship but may have certain conditions or limitations. Open relationships can take place in any type of romantic relationship, whether casual, dating, or married. There tends to be a stigma surrounding non-monogamous relationships. Still, research suggests that around 21% to 22% of adults will be involved in some type of open relationship at some point in their life. The likelihood of engaging in an open relationship also depends on gender and sexual orientation. Men reported having higher numbers of open relationships compared to women; people who identify as gay, lesbian, and bisexual relative to those who identify as heterosexual were more likely to report previous engagement in open relationships. Such relationships can have benefits, including increased sexual freedom, and pitfalls such as jealousy and emotional pain. Open relationships are more successful when couples establish personal, emotional, and sexual boundaries and clearly communicate their feelings and needs with one another. Open relationships are a form of consensual non-monogamy. While there is a primary emotional and often physical connection between the two people in the relationship, they mutually agree to intimacy with other people outside of the relationship. 6. Toxic Relationships A toxic relationship is any type of interpersonal relationship where your emotional, physical, or psychological well-being is undermined or threatened in some way. Such relationships often leave you feeling ashamed, humiliated, misunderstood, or unsupported. Any type of relationship can be toxic including friendships, family relationships, romantic relationships, or workplace relationships. Toxic relationships are characterized by: A lack of support Blaming Competitiveness Controlling behaviors Disrespect Dishonesty Gaslighting Hostility Jealousy Passive-aggressive behaviors Poor communication Stress Sometimes all people in a relationship play a role in creating this toxicity. For example, you may be contributing to toxicity if you are all consistently unkind, critical, insecure, and negative. In other cases, one person in a relationship may behave in ways that create toxic feelings. This may be intentional, but in other cases, people may not fully understand how they are affecting other people. Because of their past experiences with relationships, often in their home growing up, they may not know any other way of acting and communicating. This doesn't just create discontentment—toxic relationships can take a serious toll on your health. For example, according to one study, stress caused by negative relationships has a direct impact on cardiovascular health. Feeling isolated and misunderstood in a relationship can also lead to loneliness, which has been shown to have detrimental effects on both physical and mental health. Toxic relationships can be stressful, harmful, and even abusive. If you are in a toxic relationship with someone in your life, work on creating strong boundaries to protect yourself. Talk to a mental health professional or consider terminating the relationship if it is causing you harm. > Defining Your Relationship How you define your relationship depends on various factors, including what matters to you and how the other person feels. To define your relationship, it can be helpful to ask a few questions: -Do you have romantic feelings for one another? -What does each person hope to get out of the relationship? -How much time do you want to spend together? -Where do you see the relationship going? -Are you currently involved with or want to be involved with other people? Figuring out what matters to you and your partner is an important step in defining the type of relationship you are interested in having. You might find that you are both on the same page or discover that you want different things out of your relationship. Defining your relationship doesn't have to mean committing for the long-term. Instead, it can be a way to help you both better understand the boundaries and expectations of your relationship. > How to Keep Your Relationship Healthy Regardless of how you define your relationship, there are important steps you can take to ensure that your connection is healthy. Strategies that can help include: -Showing appreciation and gratitude -Communicating openly and honestly -Being affectionate and showing that you care -Mutual respect -Actively listening -Showing interest in each other -Being supportive and encouraging -Feeling empathy for each other -Spending time together -Having healthy boundaries -Being trustworthy Communication is often the single most important thing in a relationship. Good relationships are also marked by honesty, trust, and reciprocity. This doesn't mean that the relationship is purely transactional; it indicates that you naturally engage in a give-and-take that provides mutually beneficial support.

6 Ways to Stop Sabotaging Yourself Cowritten by Zamfira Parincu and Tchiki Davis, Updated January 18, 2024, Reviewed by Devon Frye The Berkeley Well-Being Institute. (1) We’ve all been there: buying a gym membership with the goal of exercising more often and then never using it or planning to start an assignment early but then postponing it until the very last minute. You might even ask yourself why you keep doing this. If you feel trapped in patterns that keep repeating themselves even though you’d like for more positive outcomes to happen, you might be experiencing self-sabotage. Self-sabotage happens when your actions or thoughts hold you back from accomplishing what you want. Sometimes, you do this without even realizing it. But when you sabotage yourself, the behavior and thought patterns you engage in create obstacles in achieving your goals. Sometimes, you might be aware of your self-sabotaging behavior—for example, when you procrastinate on an important task or don’t stick to a plan after making commitments. Other times, self-sabotage can look less clear. For example, you might create distance between yourself and your partner after an intimate moment, maybe after they said, “I love you.” In this example, you may be unconsciously preparing in case the relationship doesn’t work but you may also be self-sabotaging a potentially successful relationship (Peel & Caltabiano, 2021). Although self-sabotage can lead to negative outcomes, it actually starts as a protective mechanism to keep us safe from any potential danger or harm. For our minds, what is familiar is considered safe, so any attempt to let go of the familiar and embrace the unfamiliar might trigger self-sabotaging mechanisms. (2) How to Stop Self-Sabotage Self-sabotage is the brain’s way of telling you that you are about to leave what’s familiar and go toward what’s unfamiliar. And this is normal: your brain is just trying to keep you safe. However, this might stand in the way of achieving your goals. So to stop self-sabotaging, it can be helpful to become more aware of your triggers and practice being more comfortable with the unfamiliar. Here are some tips to explore: 1. Know yourself. To fight the cycle of self-sabotage, it is important to learn your triggers and identify your self-sabotaging behaviors. You might want to take time to reflect or find patterns in your behavior. So look for areas in your life where things seem to go wrong regularly or where you’d like to achieve more success. For instance, you may unconsciously sabotage your relationship by detaching yourself emotionally when you realize the relationship is becoming more serious. *Mindfulness is a state of active, open attention to the present. This state is described as observing one’s thoughts and feelings without judging them as good or bad. 2. Practice mindfulness. When you focus your awareness in a non-judgmental way on some of the triggers or behaviors that lead to self-sabotage, you can not only learn more about yourself but also generate more self-understanding. 3. Practice self-compassion. Studies show that having self-compassion is related to happiness, wisdom, and emotional resilience (Neff, Rude & Kirkpatrick, 2007). When you practice self-compassion, you can more easily go from where you are now to where you want to be. *Resilience is the psychological quality that allows some people to be knocked down by the adversities of life and come back at least as strong as before. Rather than letting difficulties, traumatic events, or failure overcome them and drain their resolve, highly resilient people find a way to change course, emotionally heal, and continue moving toward their goals. 4. Practice acceptance. You can try practicing acceptance by saying things such as “What happened in the past cannot be changed. I can react differently now.” 5. Reframe. One reason self-sabotage is so common is that some parts of our brains are trying to keep us safe from danger. Try to shift the narrative from “This makes me scared” to a compassionate curiosity. This is how you retrain the brain to become an “ally” instead of the “enemy” and stop the self-sabotaging cycle. 6. Get more comfortable with failure. Self-sabotage might come from a fear of failure or rejection, which can make you avoid trying hard things. If you don’t try, then you can’t fail. In this case, you unconsciously sabotage yourself. For example, in a new and happy relationship, you might be inclined to believe it is only a matter of time before things start to get worse, so you start to do things that create tension (like fighting or becoming angry). If self-sabotage is getting in the way of achieving your goals, then hopefully these strategies can help you get the life you want.

12 Steps to Overcome Feeling Bitter Last reviewed by Dr. Sheri JacobsonSeptember 11, 2022 by Andrea M. Darcy Silently seething with resentment? Feel helpless, and like overcoming feeling bitter might happen for other people, but you are a hopeless case? (1)ANGER VS BITTERNESS Anger involves outrage followed by action, as you decide how best to handle your situation. Bitterness can feel worse than anger because we are left feeling helpless. Referred to as ’embitterment’ in psychology circles, bitterness happens when you feel there is no action left to take because everything is out of your control. It might be true you can’t change what happened that has left you feeling bitter. You can’t, for example, undo being in an accident, or get back the promotion that your colleague won instead. But you can take action to move forward in your life and away from bitterness. (2)WHY SHOULD I CARE ABOUT FEELING BITTER? Bitterness not only causes symptoms of trauma like sleeplessness, fatigue, and lack of libido. It can also in the long-term lead to low self-confidence, negative personality shifts, and an inability to have a healthy relationship. [For more on the symptoms and effects of bitterness, read our article on “Why Bitterness is a Real Psychological Concern.”] 12 WAYS TO OVERCOME FEELING BITTER So what can you do if you are stuck in the bitterness trench and can’t climb out? Here are 12 ways to start dealing with your resentment. 1. Do a serious re-evaluation. Often, in telling our story to others, we stop telling the truth to ourselves about what really happened and what is truly upsetting us. Ask yourself good questions to dig deeper into facts and feelings. Journalling can be a great tool here (as can a counselor who is trained at asking powerful questions). -What about the situation really upsets you when you go through it? -What are the details that actually haunt you, versus what you tell your friends bothers you because they all agree it should? If you were the victim of fraud, is it losing the money that has upset you, or is really being made to look stupid that has you bitter? -Re-evaluate the thing that was actually lost, too. Do you still want it? Is it still attainable? Or is it all something you have actually long since outgrown? 2. Put your story on hold. As for that story about what happened to you. What would happen if, just for a week, or even a few days, you take a break from telling it? Telling the story of what happened to you to those whose job it is to help you, or because you are trying to find new and positive ways to deal with your situation, is one thing. But telling the story of what happened to you again and again in a negative way to everyone you meet is often a form of keeping yourself stuck in victimhood. 3. Take what responsibility you can. As for that victimhood that your story generates. Note that if you are a victim, you are helpless. You put yourself in a corner where you can’t embrace your personal power to create change and move on. Of course, not all situations contain personal responsibility. If you are bitter that a loved one died in a senseless war, there is obviously nothing you did to make that happen. But many of us who are bitter know we had a part in what took place, but we are too ashamed to admit to it. We didn’t get fired just as our boss was horrible. We were slacking off, too. Again, the point of acknowledging your responsibility for what transpired is not to blame yourself, which is counterproductive, but to reclaim your personal power. 4. Stop spying. Unfortunately, today’s technology and social media provide the perfect fodder for bitterness if there are other people involved. Spying on the person who triggered your upset is really a form of self-torture that inevitably lowers self-esteem. Spying on others can also be addictive. If you can’t stop spying, you might need support. Tell a good friend, seek a support group (if it’s an ex you are spying on, a love and romance addiction group could help, for example). Or talk to your GP who can refer you to a counselor for a round of cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT). 5. Face up to your hidden fears. Bitterness often is a perfect disguise for a fear of change or failure. If you deal with the fear, you won’t need the bitterness anymore. For example, if you are claiming you will never do the PhD you dreamed of because you were scammed out of all your savings, you might discover that actually, you are terrified you aren’t smart enough to finish the PhD. What you need is to work on your confidence, take a student loan, and get on with your dreams. 6. Forgive when feeling bitter? Sure, but only at your own pace. Forgiveness is a great psychological release — but only if you are ready and it’s real. 7. And don’t forget to forgive yourself, too. This might be the hardest but most important part of moving on from bitterness. It’s possible to hold on to feeling bitter for a long time so you can focus your anger on someone else because the truth is that you are furious at yourself, and that feels too hard to face. 8. Step into the now to end feeling bitter. Bitterness often consists of fantasizing about revenge, or thoughts of where you’d be now if things had gone differently. In other words, it lives in the past and the future. Get into the moment by concerning yourself with current opportunities and goals that are about you and a positive future. One of the best techniques for staying now-centred is mindfulness. A tool now used by many therapists, it trains you to constantly check in with your feelings. You become conscious of the thoughts that are distracting you and learn to notice the good things right in front of you. 9. Branch out from feeling bitter. Bitterness tends to fade in the face of excitement and joy. In other words, new and better experiences. So put yourself out there. Explore a longtime interest, reconnect with others, and choose some new things to put in place in your life. 10. Set mini goals for yourself each day. Bitterness is a powerful tide, and the best intentions to try new things and be mindful can soon be caught in its tug. The way around this is to not just make big goals, but also small, achievable goals that keep you on the road away from feeling bitter. 11. Try a new perspective. Feeling bitter can have us seeing life from a very narrow perspective indeed. A great coaching tool to help you move forward in life is to imagine what the situation you are struggling with would look like from a different viewpoint entirely. Read our piece ‘How to Change Your Perspective‘ for some great advice on seeing your life in all new ways. 12. Seek support. Feeling bitter can be quite the battle to move on from. And sometimes the strongest tactic and easiest way forward is to accept help. If your friends and loved ones are great listeners with no agenda, perfect. But if you need an unbiased viewpoint and a place where you don’t feel judged, again, try a support group or a talk therapist.

Self as Context: The observing-self v. the conceptualized-self Stand for kind /ACT, Fusion, Mindfulness, Psychological Flexibility “Tell me a little bit about yourself…” is a standard question when meeting a new person in just about any context. Whether it is at a job interview, a party, school, or a first date, we all want to know a little bit about the person we are with, and that question seems to be a non-confrontational way to give someone else the ability to tell you, just about, whatever they feel like telling you. People often describe themselves in terms of their roles in the world. For example: “I am a nice guy,” or “I am a people person,” “I am a hard worker,”“I am a parent of two kids,” etc., and we clump these little snippets of ourselves together in order to form a larger narrative about who we are, and our place(s) in the world. “That’s just the way I am,”is an often popular sentiment, and the conclusion to the sentence “I am a person who _____,“ is the beginning of a statement capable of generating scores of reasonable, and likely accurate, responses. However, this kind of thinking is a slippery slope, and it is pretty easy to understand how: over time we generate dozens of these little self-stories that fuse with our identity and form our persona, defining who we are. More specifically, we are always trying to attempt to become what we say we are. We—the observing-self—are trying to be who we say/think we are—the conceptualized-self. And in the event that, for whatever reason, our own story about ourselves changes we now have to reconcile that change to ourselves and the world around us. Think about an example of a girl who graduated at the top of her high school class and talked to her friends and family about wanting to become a lawyer. For years she dreamt about practicing law and never hesitated to share her dreams with others, in college she did well in her classes but during her Junior year, she arrived at the conclusion that law school was just not a good fit for her. Can you imagine how difficult this conclusion might be for her, especially if she has been wrestling privately with this decision for weeks, months, or even years? How difficult it would be for her to see her friends on summer break and have to explain to them the reasons for her change of career interests. Well, if she is not fused to her conceptualized-self it should not be terribly difficult—after all, people change their minds all the time; however, in building up this conceptualized version of herself, it is possible that attempts to make changes would be met with great resistance. Not only internally, but externally as well. This might lead a person to attempt to maintain congruence between their attachment to their conceptualized self and their observing-self because the alternative is one where you now have to explain to your parents why you are no longer interested in law school. You have to tell your friends, who may be in the process of applying, that you had a change of heart after years of dreaming. These conversations about your future are something you may or may not fully understand yourself, let alone have a solid enough grasp of to explain or, even more challenging, defend to other people who you know just want the best for you. In another example, imagine that I believe that I am a kind person. If I believe that, in my heart, I will have a very difficult time dealing with instances where I behave in an unkind way. And, in fact, if I am fused to the conception that I am a kind person, I may distort or reinterpret events in order to maintain consistency with my self-story (this may be a common attribution error that is made by people who bully others—‘I couldn’t possibly be a bully, I was just joking around’). Our goal should be one of stepping away from the conceptualized self-image that we have so that we can weaken our attachments and more realistically assess if we are living according to our values. Again, “fusion with the conceptualized self can lead to an attempt to maintain consistency by distorting or reinterpreting events if they seem inconsistent with the self-story” (Hayes, Strosahl, & Wilson, 2012). So, how do we battle against the tendency to build attachments to the conceptualized versions of ourselves? The first step is to take an open, loving, and accepting perspective of yourself as doing this will not only give you the ability to be conscious of your own reality, but it will give you the ability to take the same position for others as well. The second benefit to taking an open perspective of yourself could be that you allow yourself to process changes as they happen at the moment. In the example of the young pre-law student above, if she took an open/accepting perspective, she may have noticed that her values shifting from law to something else. Trouble comes when those kinds of things sneak up on us out of nowhere and create chaos in a place where we thought there was organization and structure. The second way to make congruent the relationship between the observing-self, and the conceptualized-self is to align your actions with a set of values that you create for yourself. In that case, your observing-self can always look at your conceptualized-self and consider: do my actions move me closer to, or further from, my valued endpoint? We could even use this strategy to better understand if we are making the “right” choices or not, based on whether our choices produce an outcome that we find acceptable. Finally, self-as-context is deeply related to mindfulness and it might be helpful to try an activity: if you are concerned that your conceptualized-self is dominating your observing-self, close your eyes and simply notice your thoughts. Notice where they are around/inside/above/below you, notice if they are pictures, sounds, or a movie playing along in your mind, bring your attention to the fact that your thoughts are ‘over there’ and you are the one who is observing them. Now, bring your attention to how you are sitting, noticing what you can see, smell, taste, and hear. At each of those points, bring your attention to the fact that you are noticing (e.g., notice how you are sitting, and as you do, be aware that you are noticing). Bringing ourselves into the present moment mindfully and consciously will help us to remain oriented to our observing-self, and to remain de-fused from our conceptualized-self. After all, it is ok to remain flexible while we develop our Values, and attempt to live meaningful lives.