The Manipulaltive Man

"The Manipulative Man" by Dorothy McCoy is a compelling exploration of manipulation in interpersonal relationships, particularly focusing on the behaviors and tactics of manipulative individuals. McCoy aims to empower readers, especially women, by helping them recognize manipulative behaviors and develop strategies to protect themselves. Here are ten key lessons and insights from the book: 1. Recognizing Manipulation: McCoy emphasizes the importance of identifying manipulative behaviors early on. She describes various tactics used by manipulative individuals, including guilt-tripping, gaslighting, and emotional blackmail. Understanding these behaviors is the first step towards protecting oneself from manipulation. 2. Understanding the Motivations: The book delves into the motivations behind manipulative behavior. McCoy explains that manipulative individuals often seek control, power, or validation. By understanding these motivations, readers can better navigate their interactions with such individuals and avoid falling prey to their tactics. 3. The Role of Codependency: McCoy discusses the concept of codependency and how it often enables manipulation. She explains that individuals who struggle with codependency may feel responsible for the emotions and well-being of others, making them more susceptible to manipulation. Recognizing and addressing codependency is vital for healthier relationships. 4. Setting Boundaries: One of the key strategies McCoy advocates for is the establishment of clear boundaries. She emphasizes that setting and maintaining boundaries is essential in protecting oneself from manipulative individuals. Boundaries help define acceptable behaviors and communicate personal limits effectively. 5. Developing Assertiveness: The author encourages readers to cultivate assertiveness as a means of countering manipulation. Assertiveness involves expressing one’s thoughts, feelings, and needs confidently and respectfully. McCoy provides practical tips for developing assertiveness, which can help individuals stand up to manipulative behavior. 6. Emotional Awareness: McCoy highlights the importance of emotional awareness in recognizing and responding to manipulation. Being in tune with one’s emotions allows individuals to identify when they are being manipulated and respond appropriately. Understanding feelings can also help in managing reactions and maintaining control. 7. Avoiding Guilt and Shame: The book stresses the need to avoid succumbing to guilt and shame often employed by manipulative individuals. McCoy encourages readers to challenge guilt-inducing thoughts and recognize that they are not responsible for the feelings or actions of others. This mindset shift is crucial for maintaining emotional well-being. 8. Analyzing Relationships: McCoy advocates for a critical analysis of personal relationships. Readers are encouraged to evaluate their connections with others, identifying any patterns of manipulation or unhealthy dynamics. This self-reflection can lead to more informed decisions about maintaining or severing relationships. 9. Seeking Support: McCoy underscores the importance of seeking support from friends, family, or professionals when dealing with manipulative individuals. Sharing experiences and seeking advice can provide perspective and validation, helping individuals navigate challenging situations more effectively. 10. Empowerment Through Knowledge: Ultimately, McCoy’s message is one of empowerment. By educating themselves about manipulation and adopting strategies to counter it, individuals can reclaim their power in relationships. Knowledge becomes a tool for self-defense, enabling readers to foster healthier and more fulfilling connections. "The Manipulative Man" serves as a guide for recognizing and addressing manipulation in relationships. Dorothy McCoy’s insights empower readers to establish boundaries, develop assertiveness, and cultivate emotional awareness, ultimately leading to healthier interactions and greater personal strength.

Conventional wisdom says that women are the manipulative ones - but tell that to the thousands of desperate women suffering at the hands of a manipulative man. Men can be just as sneaky, passive-aggressive, needy, underhanded, whiny, guilt-inducing, and emotionally demanding as women are accused of being - and more so! As any woman in love with a manipulative man can tell you, it's not easy to get past his charm and your guilt to a place where you can see your relationship for what it is - out of balance, extraordinarily stressful, emotionally exhausting, and potentially dangerous. The Manipulative Man is a groundbreaking prescription for dealing with the manipulative men in your life by using: Tests to help you determine if you are involved with a mama's boy, narcissist, sociopath, or even a psychopath Techniques for defining and setting boundaries with your man Tools to help you improve their relationship And more! In The Manipulative Man, acclaimed psychotherapist Dr. Dorothy McCoy shows you how to identify the type of manipulative man you're involved with, deal with the issues his behavior provokes, and, ultimately, salvage the relationship - or move on.

“The Manipulative Man” could be used as a primer for younger women who haven’t already recognized unscrupulous behavior. For women like me, who married manipulative men with disastrous results, it was both enlightening as well as a reminder of the red flags I should have seen. For me, the last section on why women choose such men was eye-opening. And for women everywhere who assume that “that’s just the way men are,” there is hope in this book by showing us ways to both recognize and avoid such dishonest conduct. It’s affirmation for those of us who always thought we could have or should have done it better. I appreciate the way this book was organized, with tests at the end of each chapter and I especially liked all the test cases cited in Dr. McCoy’s personal practice. I would recommend for women who keep asking themselves why they always end up with the same kind of man, or better, for women who intentionally choose a “different” man who ultimately reveals the same behaviors. As I find myself mid-life dating, I will keep this book handy as reference material. Well done.

Manipulative individuals say and do things to control and undermine others. In its extreme form, manipulation is a form of emotional abuse. The Manipulative Man by Dorothy McCoy, EdD, is essential reading for everyone who wishes to work on problematic relationships with flawed, manipulative individuals who are not full-fledged personality disordered. All human beings are flawed yet most of us still manage to have close relationships with our family members and romantic partners. Many have tendencies of personality disorders; few have full-blown personality disorders, however. While as Sandra Brown, M.A. explains in How to Spot a Dangerous Man, personality disorders are not fixable and relationships with such individuals are very dangerous and damaging, what do we do about the rest: namely, our relationships with 90 percent of the population, who, like us, has human flaws that can be worked on and improved? This is where Dorothy McCoy's book, The Manipulative Man: Identify His Behavior, Counter the Abuse, Regain Control, offers very useful coping strategies that can strengthen our ties to our significant others and mend our relationships. McCoy first explains the manipulative personality types and his (or her) strategies of manipulation, which include: excessive flattery (especially at the beginning of the relationship), deceit, bullying, stonewalling, pity play, and projecting blame upon the victim, among others. She then offers a typology of manipulative men that women are likely to encounter and have problems with. These include: the Mama's Boy (characterized by dependency and need for caretaking and adulation); the Workaholic (who is a perfectionist, often suffers from Obsessive Personality Disorder and defines himself in terms of his work); the Eternal Jock (who relives his glory days and can't move on and deal with the responsibilities of his life); the Dependent Man (who can't make decisions and defines himself excessively in terms of his relationship to his partner, thus draining her time and energy); the Antisocial (who engages in risk-taking, transgressive and even criminal behavior, with no remorse, for the thrill of it); the Womanizer (who is often a love or sex addict, whose appetite for new conquests can never be satiated); the Passive-Aggressive man (who wallows in self-pity and constantly undermines his partner's self-esteem and accomplishments); the Narcissist (who essentially worships his own altar and views others as a mirror that reflects his perfection and greatness); the Psychopath (the social predator who charms his way into women's lives with flattery and deceit in order to use and harm them) and the Violent Manipulator (who engages in domestic violence). The Manipulative Man explains each of these manipulative types by including not only descriptions, but also case studies that offer concrete examples and engage the reader. The book also offers coping strategies for such troubled relationships and outlines the difference between problematic traits and full-blown personality disorders. In other words, the author distinguishes between character deficiencies that can't be fixed--the best one can do in such situations is escape the relationship with minimal harm--and tendencies that may be able to be improved by working together, as a couple, on the relationship. Even in those relationships that can be ameliorated, McCoy emphasizes that both partners have to be willing to make changes for the sake of their relationship and sustain those improvements consistently, over time. The Manipulative Man makes an important contribution to the field of couples' counseling and offers an excellent supplement to therapy. This book tells readers in a clear and entertaining manner how to save salvageable relationships while not shying away from advising not trying to save the unsalvageable relationships with personality disordered individuals. Claudia Moscovici, psychopathyawareness

I read a few chapters of this for a class a few years ago and decided to finish it because I have a big reading challenge this year :P Despite the title, this book is great for combating the manipulating behavior of any person in your life; spouse, parents, customers or coworker of any/all/or no genders. It goes through the different kind of manipulators and ways to best deal with them as well as how to recognize the ways we ourselves manipulate people, why that is damaging both to us and our relationships and how to break such habits. This book is very easy to read. It is not so academic that it is heavy to read but not so nice that it is just a 'feel' good' read that doesn't help. A must read for dealing with all the difficult people we have to deal with in our lives.

From Publishers Weekly Did he promise you the stars and play you like a musical instrument?" Then you know the manipulative man. Psychotherapist McCoy presents a chilling exposé of 10 types of manipulators ("Mama's Boys," "Eternal Jocks," etc.) who prey on women's neediness and gullibility. This is not a feel-good book, yet it's compellingly readable. McCoy (The Ultimate Book of Personality Tests) is a police consultant, and her work may be what creates the grim undertone. She uses case studies from her counseling practice, blow-by-blow deconstructions of each type's manipulative techniques and tests to determine which type the reader may be dealing with. Most valuable are the chapters on narcissists and psychopaths. These predators are the most dangerous because they can make themselves seem so appealing, flattering and fun at the beginning of the relationship. The author also has good advice for women involved with violent manipulators. In all cases, McCoy warns, "You do not 'know' a manipulative man; he has worked diligently at spinning a web of contradictions, confusion and falsehoods." Wrapping up, McCoy offers suggestions for women seeking healthy relationships, noting those who are self-confident are less likely to fall for a charmer's manipulative wiles. (June 7) Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved.