Feb 27, 2022
The last can by D. M. Larson
Kamal Hammoud:
"The Last Can" a short play by D. M. Larson
(This is an early draft of the play. The published version is in the book "When Mel Fell for Nell" ISBN-13: 978-1512007183)
NELL
What's wrong, luv?
MEL
I'm hungry.
(MEL is staring at a can.)
NELL
Then eat. I don't mind.
MEL
But it's the last one.
NELL
It's okay.
MEL
What about you? Aren't you hungry?
NELL
Not really.
(He stares at it a long time.)
MEL
I can't believe it's the last one.
NELL
It had to happen sooner or later.
MEL
I was hoping for much later.
(He's looking for a can opener.)
NELL
Check under the table. Maybe it fell down there.
(While MEL is under the table, NELL rushes over and grabs the can and goes back to her chair, hiding the can. MEL gets up excited.)
MEL
Found it! Time to eat... sure you don't want...
(MEL stops when he sees the can is missing.)
MEL (CONT.)
What is this! The hunger games!
(MEL sits on the sofa and looks at the empty coffee table.)
MEL (CONT.)
Was I just imagining there was a can there? I am that hungry.
(NELL has a playful voice.)
NELL
Maybe.
MEL
Or maybe someone took it.
(MEL leaps up suddenly and starts tickling NELL.)
NELL
Stop, stop, you'll make me have to pee.
MEL
Hand it over!
NELL
Okay, okay.
(NELL holds up the can still laughing. MEL takes the can.)
MEL
You sure you don't want any?
NELL
Nope.
(MEL opens the can and keeps his eyes on her. She is still giggling a bit. He has the can open but has no forks. He gets up to get a fork. NELL moves forward a bit.)
MEL
Don't you dare. You'll make a mess.
(NELL laughs. MEL gets two forks and sits. NELL goes and sits by him. He feeds her a bite and she returns the favor.)
NELL
The last can.
MEL
Afraid so.
NELL
Or maybe it is the first meal before the feast?
MELL
The feast?
(They are still feeding each other.)
NELL
The feast that's waiting outside.
MEL
Maybe the radiation fried up all the critters and turned them to jerky?
NELL
Too bad you're a vegetarian.
MEL
And all the fruit is all dried up and ready for consumption.
NELL
And the water sparkles and bubbles like Perrier.
MEL
But you don't like Perrier.
NELL
I'll drink anything we can find that isn't plain old bottled water. I'm so sick of bottled water. I miss bubbles.
MEL
I can make bubbles in your water.
NELL
Ew, not those kind.
(They laugh. Eat feed each other more and then grow quiet.)
MEL
I wonder what it's really like outside.
NELL
Not sure. The monitor still shows radiation.
MEL
We're out of food. Water is about out too.
NELL
Time to start recycling.
MEL
You don't mean... ew. I think I'd rather deal with the radiation.
(They are quiet a minute and finish the food.)
NELL
Thank you for sharing.
MEL
Of course. I always do.
NELL
You've always shared everything with me.
MEL
You're my favorite person. I wanted to give you the best of everything... and the best of me.
NELL
You always did... and you stayed with me to the end.
MEL
It's not the end... not yet.
NELL
I remember when they said the bombs were coming... I was all alone.
MEL
I was terrified we wouldn't be together.
NELL
Everyone was driving out of the city, trying to get far away from targets.
MEL
I was driving the other way.
NELL
They wanted to arrest you... force you to go.
MEL
Nothing was going to keep me from you.
NELL
I wasn't going in the shelter without you.
MEL
I remember I found you on the porch, sitting and looking up at the sky.
NELL
I wondered what it would have looked like... all the missiles in the sky.
MEL
I crashed the car in to that big tree in the yard.
NELL
I was so glad you weren't hurt. You scared me.
MEL
I was in a hurry. No time for brakes.
NELL
That would have been an ironic ending to your trip home. Crashing and dying.
MEL
I didn't have a scratch on me.
NELL
We were meant to be mole people together.
MEL
Burrowed together in our little nest.
NELL
I like our little nest.
MEL
I think I've been happier here than I've ever been before.
NELL
Me too.
MEL
No interruptions. No problems at work. No outsiders getting their noses in our business.
NELL
I never wanted to go outside again.
MEL
Except for the last can.
NELL
We made it over a year.
MEL
I could go longer.
NELL
Me too.
MEL
I wonder what the chair tastes like.
(MEL goes to the chair.)
NELL
That's my favorite chair! You're not eating that.
(MEL removes the cushion.)
NELL (CONT.)
What are you doing?
MEL
Seeing if you dropped any food down here.
NELL
You should check your sofa. I'm a much cleaner eater than you.
MEL
What?
NELL
You need a bib. That's why I feed you so you don't make a mess.
MEL
Dang... you're right... no food here.
(MEL goes to the sofa and removes the cushion.)
MEL (CONT.)
Jackpot.
NELL
Told you.
MEL
Ha... veggie chips... I love these.
NELL
Bon appetite.
MEL
Merci.
(MEL muches on some veggie chips.)
NELL
How many are down there?
MEL
A year's supply I think.
NELL
You wish.
MEL
If wishes were fishes...
NELL
What does that mean?
MEL
No clue.
(They laugh. MEL is munching on veggie chips. They grow quiet. NELL sits in her favorite chair.)
NELL
So what do we do?
MEL
Go outside?
NELL
But the radiation.
MEL
We might have to risk it.
NELL
I wonder what it looks like outside.
MEL
Maybe all the bombs missed and it's all the same as before.
NELL
Then how do you explain the radiation?
MEL
You left the microwave on?
NELL
Maybe.
(They laugh. NELL is looking at a map now.)
NELL (CONT.)
I wonder where we go?
MEL
Where was the last radio broadcast we heard?
NELL
That was awhile ago. I think I marked it on the map.
MEL
Some little station out in the boonies wasn't it?
NELL
Who would have thought that the last bits of civilization would be in some little town in the middle of nowhere?
MEL
Nowhere became the only somewhere.
NELL
I wonder how many people from the city went there?
MEL
I bet there wasn't enough food to go around.
NELL
Scary. What are the survivors going to do for food?
MEL
Maybe we don't want to go out there.
NELL
I know I don't want to.
(They are quiet.)
MEL
I wonder how our shoes would taste? Didn't Charlie Chaplin do that in a movie?
NELL
I don't know any Chaplin. Heard of him of course.
MEL
I'm amazed how many movies you do know. It's kept me pretty entertained.
NELL
Want me to perform another movie for you?
(MEL laughs.)
MEL
I think Jurrasic Park is my favorite. You do all the dinosaur actions too.
NELL
I watched that one a lot as a kid.
MEL
I'm still amazed how well you memorized them all.
NELL
One of my many special useless skills.
MEL
Sure came in handy now.
NELL
I guess it did, didn't it?
MEL
You've kept me very entertained.
NELL
I love what you wrote for me.
MEL
I love what you drew for me.
NELL
It's probably been the most creative time in my life.
MEL
Me too. I wonder if anyone will ever see anything we did.
NELL
It doesn't matter. I did it for you.
MEL
You're very sweet to me. I can't imagine a better person to spend my life with.
NELL
To be stuck with?
MEL
I never felt stuck... even before we became mole people... you were the best choice I ever made.
NELL
You're very sweet to me.
MEL
You make me feel sweeter... I've never felt so happy.
NELL
You've always taken good care of me.
MEL
I never wanted to fail you.
NELL
You never did.
MEL
Until today...
(NELL goes to him.)
NELL
What do you mean?
MEL
The food... it's gone.
NELL
But we probably had more food than anyone else. You prepared so much better than everyone else. You always had everything covered... you always took care of everything.
MEL
This is the first time I don't know what to do. I never felt like this before.
NELL
Like what?
MEL
Like I didn't know what to do... how to solve the problem.
NELL
Maybe it's time you let someone else handle everything.
MEL
You have a plan?
NELL
No, but I bet someone else does.
(NELL points up.)
MEL
Oh... I've always admired your faith.
NELL
We've done well so far.
MEL
We have.
NELL
I have a feeling something is going to happen. Something good.
MEL
You know... I believe you. I really believe you.
NELL
I don't know what or how... but something good will happen.
MEL
I believe.
NELL
Then close your eyes and get on your knees.
MEL
We're going to pray?
NELL
Yes, pray.
(MEL gets down on his knees at the coffee table. He closes his eyes and prays silently. Myla sneaks off.)
MEL
I know I don't pray as often as a I should, but I really want to know, more than ever... rather than begging for something... I want to thank you for giving us this wonderful year together... I'm so thankful we got to be with each other... you've given me this wonderful gift and she is the most precious gift I've even been given... I thank you for her... I thank you with all my heart.
(NELL has come back during this and smiles so happily at his words. She places a box of donut cake type things in front of him.)
MEL (Cont.)
Amen.
(He opens his eyes and sees her smiling happily and she points to the box. MEL laughs.)
MEL (CONT.)
You're an angel.
(NELL hugs her happily.)
NELL
I saved the best for last.
(They sit and share one of the donuts. Happy silence for a moment and they share smiles. Suddenly music is heard.)
MEL
Do you hear that?
NELL
That's the intercom.
MEL
It's picking up music from outside. Someone's playing music.
NELL
Beautiful, beautiful music.
MEL
Should we go see?
NELL
Maybe they're after our Diddly Doos?
MEL
Nothing is getting my Diddly Doos.
(NELL gets a pouty face.)
MEL (CONT.)
Except you of course.
(She smiles happily. The music gets louder.)
NELL
It's coming closer.
MEL
I feel like a kid hearing an ice cream truck.
NELL
Maybe it is an ice cream truck.
MEL
I like Diddly Doos better.
NELL
Yummy... ice cream.
MEL
Should we go see?
NELL
Okay.
MEL
Ready?
NELL
Let me get my sweater.
(She gets her sweater.)
MEL
Ah... that's such a cute sweater.
NELL
Thank you.
MEL
Ready?
NELL
I'm a little scared.
MEL
I'll be with you.
NELL
Promise?
MEL
I promise. I'll never leave you.
NELL
You never do.
MEL
Let's go.
(They go off stage and sounds of a massive door unlocking and opening. Music gets much louder. After a moment, MEL rushes back in and gets the box of donut/cake things and then runs off again.)
END OF PLAY