Change _ M_nabi's NOTE

I decided to live for me.

I never thought this could happen so fast… I ship a relationship on my socials. It’s a platonic relationship between two young girls in their early twenties. It’s a beautiful bond. I’ve seen them share drinks, dresses, and food online. Even a video of them expressing their love for each other. They were clearly both in love with each other. In my words, they were the perfect best friends. I sometimes call them soul sisters. I don’t know, but I feel way different, and I can feel this growth within me since I clocked 20. What topped my list was being a soft girl, loving, and being loved. Getting clarity to life, scrolling through the internet, finding things that make me smile sheepishly, and curating my aesthetic board for everything. Outfits, room look, hairstyle, and anything I could think about. But I never thought this could happen so fast. These two young girls were also my favorites influencer. They give all this aesthetic look I love or would love to try. But one day, it happened. I did not see it coming. After seeing it, I literally ran to my friend’s hostel, knocking on her door and panting so loudly. And I went, “have you seen it?” my friend replied, “seen what?” I downloaded everything to her, telling her how my favorite soul sisters were no longer friends. In fact, they’ve both blocked each other from all their socials. What could have happened? Just like that? What I never imagined happening in my life was friendship breakups. So, after all those silly jokes and ugly laughs we’ve both shared, we are going to see each other one day and just pass by? Wow! No one told me this. Well, life does not inform you before it happens. I mean, my parents did not get consent from me before I was born. You know how they say every event you experience in life shapes you for something? It did! I saw myself acting very not me because I wanted some certain people in my life. I wanted their validation and our ugly laughter. I wanted to be around and do things with them. After dealing with all these one-sided delusional activities –oh, yeah, I can be very delusional– and I realized I wasn’t getting any back. I woke up one midnight. I’m not lying. I stood up that night talking to myself just the way a wife would wake her husband to talk about how they have not been able to reproduce in Yoruba movies. After all, there’s no difference. I’m a Yoruba girl, and my delusional ideas were not yielding results, so to midnight! Amidst my issue, I was checking my if favorite soul’s sisters had reunited or if they were just playing pranks with their fans. And no, they are not back together. Maybe it’s not just working for them. Just the way my midnight did not have any effect on my predicament. Eventually, I figured it out. I realized I was always after people’s validation about me, I was not sure of who I was, and I didn’t do things I really wanted to do. Broooo, friends come and go. Don’t make it a big deal. I explained to myself how humans are seasons, just like spring, summer, winter, and autumn. For each season, there are specific clothes you need to wear that suit the weather. So are people. For some certain journey, you need some people, or you’d meet some people that you’ll do that with. I made myself understand that people are temporary, so don’t deep things, and enjoy every process you go through with anyone. And at any time you feel disrespected in a relationship, don’t wait for midnight to confirm. Do the needful and glow. Yeah, I radiate when my mind is at peace. And I’m choosing that part till eternity.