READING ARTICLES - CLASS 02

A painting by Miyagawa Isshō shows a young onnagata catching his older lover with a love letter from a rival, c. 1750.

How to Deal With Jealousy in a Healthy Way, According to Therapists Overcoming your emotions will do wonders for your relationship. Prevention Marygrace Taylor Maybe your friend got a raise while you’re struggling to make ends meet. Or your partner spent what felt like a little too long chatting with the neighbor who just so happens to be way better looking than you. At some point or another, we’ve all gotten a little jealous. Thankfully, those envy pangs usually fade away after a little while. But what happens when they don’t? What if your jealousy keeps getting more and more intense to the point where you’re thinking about it nonstop—or worse, where it’s starting to affect your relationship? It might be time to face those feelings head on. Here’s what experts say you should be doing to get your envious emotions under control. Is It Normal to Feel Jealous Getting slammed by the green-eyed monster can feel frustrating and even a little bit icky. After all, you’re a well-adjusted adult…not a petty middle schooler. But the truth is, everyone gets jealous once in a while—it’s part of being human! “Biologically and emotionally our earliest survival mechanism is our attachment to others,” explains Mark B. Borg Jr., PhD, co-author of Irrelationship and Relationship Sanity. Jealousy can make you feel like your attachment to a loved one is being threatened—which in turn makes you feel threatened. Put another way? We expect our loved ones to make us feel secure. So when they don’t, we get jealous, Borg says. Maybe you always grab coffee with the same friend on Saturdays, but then she starts taking a weekend photography class and doesn’t have time to meet up anymore. Suddenly, you get hit with this weird sense like she doesn’t care about you as much and you start to feel jealous that she’s spending time at her class instead of with you. Scenarios like that are pretty common, but that doesn’t mean they’re harmless. Jealousy messes with your mood and can steal your focus away from more important tasks. Worst of all? When left to fester, it can seriously damage your relationships, Borg says. How to Deal With Jealousy in a Healthy Way You might think the best way to cope with your jealousy is just to ignore it and move on. But pretending your feelings don’t exist can be a recipe for an emotional disaster. “That’s how jealousy becomes toxic, gets acted out in exaggerated ways, and can become highly destructive,” Borg says. To get your emotions under control, start by taking a deep breath. Now take the time to think about how you really feel—and how you want to respond—before making another move, recommends marriage and family therapist Risa Ganel, MS, LCMFT. Here’s how to do it. 1. Separate yourself from your feelings Rather than label yourself as jealous, remember that your mind is merely handing you a jealous feeling at the moment. This can help you avoid getting swallowed by your own emotions—and keep a level head. “That makes it easier to choose if this is a feeling you need to act upon or if it’s one you let pass by,” says Ganel. 2. Figure out where your jealousy is really coming from Do your jealous feelings stem from something the person has done in the past, or are they coming from your own insecurities? Figuring out the answer can tell you whether the issue needs to be addressed with the person (maybe your partner has a history of being a little too friendly at parties) or if it’s something you need to work on internally (your previous partner cheated, so you’re worried that your current one will too). 3. Write it down Pausing to put pen to paper can sometimes slow the flood of emotions and help you think more clearly before taking action on your feelings, says Ganel. 4. Now talk about it Once you’re calm and have taken some time to clarify how you really feel, loop the other person in. Be open and honest about what’s going on inside your head, and ask for help working through your jealousy instead dishing out criticism. “This gives you an opportunity to talk about strengthening your relationship from the signal jealousy gave you and keeps you away from playing the blame game,” Ganel says. “You may be surprised to hear that they’ve had jealous feelings too.” What Not to Do When You’re Feeling Jealous Resist the urge to lash out, even when you feel like your jealousy is totally justified. Accusing your loved one or blaming them for your feelings is a surefire way to spark an argument. “You want to own your emotions and be in charge of them,” Ganel says. And when it comes to romantic jealousy in particular, here’s another no-no: Don’t monitor your partner or invade their privacy to prove that your jealous feelings are “right.” “No relationship has ever improved through snooping,” warns Ganel. And yes, looking through texts or emails totally counts. Finally, don’t let your jealousy spiral out of control. It’s normal to feel jealous every once in a while, notes Borg. But if you’re seething with envy on a near-daily basis or your jealousy is triggering feelings of intense rage or even violence, you might be dealing with internal insecurities that are worth addressing with a therapist. https://getpocket.com/explore/item/how-to-deal-with-jealousy-in-a-healthy-way-according-to-therapists?utm_source=pocket-newtab

Managing excessive jealousy: the real keys to overcoming it couple Zenpeople When unhealthy jealousy invites itself into a couple, both partners suffer. Because who likes to spend his days punctuated by tears, uncontrollable anger, anxiety and the impression of being constantly watched? However, this is not a fatality! Gently put down this women's magazine that still gives you umpteenth banal advice and read the following instead. You will discover what are the real reasons for this excessive behavior and how to cure these jealousy attacks durably. History to find a daily life filled with confidence and love. How to deal with excessive jealousy in your relationship? To manage unhealthy jealousy, you must already begin by understanding the reasons that lead a person to imagine adultery and deception before finding solutions. Understand the mechanisms behind jealousy Many see it as proof of unconditional love. Sorry to smash your romantic dreams, but it's far, far from it. In reality, jealousy comes from several disorders: A form of paranoia: a jealous person is convinced of being betrayed by the one they love. And like any paranoid, this feeling is accompanied by an unshakable certainty and a powerful denial in the face of his overreactions. It is therefore extremely difficult to make her change her mind or to make her aware of her attitude problem. Emotional dependence: a jealous person maintains a fusional relationship with his or her partner because of an unconscious desire to fully possess the other. According to psychoanalysts, this will come from a dysfunction or a trauma of abandonment in the mother/child relationship. A desire to deceive: A jealous person subconsciously wants to be unfaithful. And because this desire is unbearable for her, she will project it onto her spouse. But remember that all these disorders are unconscious: the jealous person cannot control them, even less get rid of them by some effort or by taking it upon himself. If your partner suffers from this real disease, you must be kind. Reassurance is not the only solution! We can mistakenly think that we must constantly reassure our spouse to calm their excessive jealousy. Answer all phone calls without fail, send photos to prove that we are fine where we are supposed to be and with the people who are supposed to accompany us, refuse outings, tell them tirelessly that we are not going there or leave it… Unfortunately, the worry remains there, uncontrollable, since it has its roots in the unconscious. You do not have the means to help your partner alone since the problem does not come from you, but from him. On the other hand, do not forget to continue to communicate, to clearly express your emotions and your feelings, even to submit to him the idea of ​​following one of the solutions detailed just below. Help, I'm the one who's jealous! Only the person who suffers from excessive jealousy can change the situation. Fortunately, there are several effective methods to overcome it in a healthy and lasting way. Become aware of his morbid jealousy Are you just in love or is your behavior excessive? Do you suffer from unhealthy jealousy? To answer these questions, start by writing down in a notebook all the times when you have tantrums. Detail the circumstances, emotions and thoughts that run through you. Also determine the intensity of your distress, your anger or your anguish. After a while, you'll have a basis for knowing if you're jealous. Healing from his morbid jealousy thanks to therapy Among the really effective solutions to cure morbid jealousy, you can choose: Couple therapy: thanks to role-playing games and discussions, you will be able to relearn how to become autonomous, that is to say, to (re)build yourself to be able to flourish alone, without the other. Your spouse will also be able to participate in the consultations and receive valuable advice. Psychotherapy or psychoanalysis: dive into your unconscious to identify the trauma or the flaws that cause your sick jealousy. Therapy will not erase it, however, you will no longer suffer from it and that is all that matters! To read: Stop the expectations in the couple Cure your unhealthy jealousy through personal development Personal development and alternative medicine are also powerful weapons for calming and lasting relief from jealousy attacks. Here are the most effective: Life -coaching : with these practical exercises and these many challenges, coaching is an undeniable asset to boost your self-confidence and detach yourself from this emotional dependence that makes you suffer so much. Sophrology : through physical and mental relaxation , comfort your wounded inner child to overcome the suffering related to the relationship with your mother. Hypnosis : re-educate your unconscious by letting your hypnotherapist take care of your paranoia, your desire for deception and/or your emotional dependence. You now have many avenues to explore so that excessive jealousy no longer interferes in your relationship. https://zen-people.com/gerer-une-jalousie-excessive-les-vraies-cles-pour-en-venir-a-bout/#:~:text=Parmi%20les%20solutions%20vraiment%20efficaces%20pour%20gu%C3%A9rir%20d%E2%80%99une,les%20failles%20qui%20provoquent%20votre%20jalousie%20maladive.%20