People Skills

"Effective communication is not about being heard, it's about being understood. It's not about winning an argument, but about building a connection." Robert Bolton’s People Skills is a classic guide to effective interpersonal communication. Here are seven core concepts deeply explored within its pages: 1. The Power of Assertiveness: Assertiveness is not aggression or passivity. It’s about expressing your needs, feelings, and opinions honestly and directly, without infringing on the rights of others. This skill is fundamental to building strong relationships and resolving conflicts. 2. The Art of Active Listening: Effective communication starts with listening. Active listening involves paying full attention to the speaker, understanding their perspective, and responding thoughtfully. It’s more than just hearing; it's about connecting on a deeper level. 3. Understanding Communication Barriers: Numerous obstacles can hinder effective communication. These include defensiveness, aggressiveness, and dependency. Recognizing these barriers is the first step in overcoming them. 4. The Role of Nonverbal Communication: Body language, tone of voice, and facial expressions often communicate more than words. Mastering nonverbal cues is essential for building rapport and understanding others. 5. Conflict as an Opportunity: Conflict is inevitable, but how you handle it determines its outcome. It can be a chance for growth and deeper understanding. Effective conflict resolution involves open communication, empathy, and a willingness to find common ground. 6. Building Trust and Rapport: Trust is the foundation of strong relationships. It's built through consistency, reliability, and empathy. Building rapport involves finding common ground, active listening, and genuine interest in the other person. 7. The Importance of Self-Awareness: Understanding your own communication style and emotional responses is crucial for effective interaction. Self-awareness helps you identify areas for improvement and build stronger connections with others. People Skills offers practical tools and strategies for enhancing interpersonal relationships, conflict resolution, and overall communication effectiveness.

Robert Bolton, Ph.D., is president of Ridge Consultants in Cazenovia, New York, a firm that specializes in improving human performance in industry, health care, education, and government. His staff has taught communication skills to thousands of managers, salespersons, first-line supervisors, secretaries, customer-relations personnel, teachers, members of the clergy, health-care workers, couples, and others. He is the author of People Skills, People Styles at Work, and Listen Up or Lose Out.

A wall of silent resentment shuts you off from someone you love... You listen to an argument in which neither party seems to hear the other... Your mind drifts to other matters when people talk to you... People Skills is a communication-skills handbook that can help eliminate communication problems. It describes the 12 most common communication barriers, showing how these "roadblocks" damage relationships by increasing defensiveness, aggressiveness, or dependency, and outlines the effective skills for listening, asserting yourself, resolving conflicts and working out problems with others. Full of practical ideas, People Skills can help you strengthen meaningful ties. Your family can become closer, your friendships warmer and your work relationships more productive - all by improving your communication skills. Bolton explains how to acquire the ability to listen, assert yourself, resolve conflicts, and work out problems with others. These are skills that will help you communicate calmly, even in stressful emotionally charged situations.

“Although the tendency to make evaluations is common in almost all interchange of language, it is very much heightened in those situations where feelings and emotions are deeply involved. So, the stronger our feelings, the more likely it is that there will be no mutual element in the communication. There will be just two ideas, two feelings, two judgments missing each other in psychological space. I’m sure you recognize this from your own experience. When you have not been emotionally involved yourself, and have listened to a heated discussion, you often go away thinking, “Well, they actually weren’t talking about the same thing.” And they were not. Each was making a judgment, an evaluation from his own frame of reference. There was really nothing which could be called communication in any genuine sense.” ― Robert Bolton, PEOPLE SKILLS

“If a man has one person, just one in his life, To whom he is willing to confess everything— And that includes, mind you, not only things criminal, Not only turpitude, meanness and cowardice, But also situations which are simply ridiculous, When he has played the fool (as who has not?)— Then he loves that person, and his love will save him.3” ― Robert Bolton, People Skills: How to Assert Yourself, Listen to Others, and Resolve Conflicts

“Psychologists have discovered that when a person is repeatedly submissive in her interactions with another person, the other tends to feel guilty about getting her own way so much. This feeling generates pity, irritation, and finally disgust toward the submissive person.20” ― Robert Bolton, People Skills: How to Assert Yourself, Listen to Others, and Resolve Conflicts

“At the opposite extreme, people are often reluctant to assert about the “little things” in life. They say, “I shouldn’t be so ‘small’ and ‘picky’ to be bothered by such an insignificant thing.” Sometimes we can truly develop more acceptance of another person’s behavior, but often a pseudoacceptance develops in the top of our mind while the irritation continues to grow in the depth of our gut.” ― Robert Bolton, People Skills: How to Assert Yourself, Listen to Others, and Resolve Conflicts

Improve your personal and professional relationships instantly with this timeless guide to communication, listening skills, body language, and conflict resolution. Maybe a wall of silent resentment has shut you off from someone you love. Maybe you listen to an argument in which neither party seems to hear the other. Or maybe your mind drifts to other matters when people talk to you. People Skills is a communication skills handbook that can help you eliminate these and other communication problems. Author Robert Bolton describes the twelve most common communication barriers, showing how these “roadblocks” damage relationships by increasing defensiveness, aggressiveness, or dependency. He explains how to acquire the ability to listen, assert yourself, resolve conflicts, and work out problems with others. These are skills that will help you communicate calmly, even in stressful emotionally charged situations. People Skills will show you: -How to get your needs met using simple assertion techniques -How body language often speaks louder than words -How to use silence as a valuable communication tool -How to de-escalate family disputes, lovers' quarrels, and other heated arguments Both thought-provoking and practical, People Skills is filled with workable ideas that you can use to improve your communication in meaningful ways, every day.