Never get angry again

Never Get Angry Again: A Guide to Calm and Control David J. Lieberman's Never Get Angry Again offers a comprehensive approach to managing anger, focusing on understanding its root causes and providing practical strategies for maintaining composure and improve relationships. 10 Insights from Never Get Angry Again: 1. Anger is a Choice Lieberman challenges the common perception of anger as an uncontrollable emotion. He posits that individuals possess the agency to consciously choose how they respond to provocative situations. This empowers readers to take responsibility for their anger management. 2. Understanding the Triggers Identifying personal anger triggers is a crucial step in preventing outbursts. By recognizing patterns in their anger responses, individuals can develop strategies to mitigate their reactions to these triggers. 3. The Physicality of Anger The book delves into the physical manifestations of anger, such as increased heart rate and muscle tension. By understanding these bodily responses, individuals can learn to recognize the onset of anger and implement calming techniques. 4. The Role of Thoughts Lieberman emphasizes the cognitive component of anger, suggesting that negative thought patterns can fuel anger. By challenging and replacing these thoughts with more positive ones, individuals can reduce their susceptibility to anger. 5. Communication Skills Effective communication is essential for preventing conflicts that escalate into anger. The book provides practical techniques for expressing feelings clearly, assertively, and respectfully, fostering healthier interactions. 6. Building Resilience Emotional resilience acts as a buffer against anger. By developing coping mechanisms and stress management techniques, individuals can better withstand provocation without resorting to anger. 7. The Importance of Forgiveness Holding onto grudges can perpetuate anger. The book encourages readers to practice forgiveness as a means of releasing negative emotions and promoting inner peace. 8. Time Management Effective time management can significantly reduce stress, a common trigger for anger. By organizing tasks and priorities, individuals can create a sense of control and reduce the likelihood of feeling overwhelmed. 9. Self-Care Prioritizing self-care is essential for overall well-being and anger management. Engaging in activities that promote physical and mental health helps individuals build resilience and reduce stress levels. 10. Seeking Professional Help Lieberman acknowledges that chronic or severe anger issues may require professional intervention. The book encourages readers to seek help if they find themselves struggling to manage their anger effectively. By understanding the underlying causes of anger and implementing the strategies outlined in the book, individuals can develop healthier coping mechanisms and experience greater peace of mind.

Never Get Angry Again is New York Times and internationally bestselling author David J. Lieberman's comprehensive, holistic look at the underlying emotional, physical, and spiritual causes of anger, and a practical guide to what the reader can do to gain perspective. David J. Lieberman understands that a change in perspective is all that is needed to help keep from flying off the handle. In Never Get Angry Again, he reveals how to see anger through a comprehensive, holistic lens, illuminates the underlying emotional, spiritual, and physical components of anger, and gives the readers simple, practical tools to snuff out anger before it even occurs. Take a deep breath and count to ten. Meditate. Visualize your happy place. You’ve probably heard all of these anger management techniques and more from friends, family, and experts, but somehow they miss the mark when it comes to coping with the complex emotion of anger. Let’s face it: if anger-management techniques were effective, you wouldn’t be reading this book. These clumsy attempts to maintain calmness are usually futile and sometimes emotionally draining. The fact is, either something bothers us (causing anxiety, frustration, or anger), or it doesn’t. A state of calm is better accomplished by not becoming agitated in the first place. When we fight the urge to blow up or melt down, we fight against our own nature.

David J. Lieberman, PhD, is a renowned psychotherapist and the author of eleven books, including the New York Times bestsellers Get Anyone to Do Anything and Never Be Lied to Again. He has trained personnel in the U.S. military, the FBI, the CIA, and the NSA, and his instructional video is mandatory for psychological operations graduates. He teaches government negotiators, mental health professionals, and Fortune 100 executives, and has appeared as a guest on more than 300 television and radio programs, including the Today show, NPR, and The View.

Call me snob, but I only read books that received a starred review from Library Journal. I’m much too busy to waste my time on fluffy titles and the Journal is as objective as you can get. So I was thrilled to see a new book by David Lieberman. I always lean with logic over emotions. That’s why I buy Lieberman’s books. The psychology is always spot-on and clear, and the advise is PRACTICAL. You can actually use it because it works! This is all-too- rare these days with self-help books. So, imagine my reaction when I read in the book flap that he takes a “holistic” approach. Argh! But no! He balances beautifully, spirituality with psychology and stays religion-neutral throughout. I help to coordinate several 12- Step Programs and found some pleasantly striking similarities between the 12 Steps and Lieberman’s approach. Never Get Angry Again is a life-transforming book that goes right to the core of anger. He writes: Through a comprehensive, holistic lens, we reveal and illuminate the causes and components of anger. These often include the gaping hole in our self-esteem due to a rotten (chaotic or traumatic) childhood, failing or failed relationships with those important to us, or living a life that lacks any real passion and joy—all fueled by an undercurrent of resentment as we wonder, where is God in all of this? Life is unfair, so either He’s not in charge, He doesn’t care, or He simply hates me. Not exactly self-esteem boosters or anger reducers.” This book makes a wonderful companion to anyone in any of these programs. The books also has his usual dashes of humor that make it lighter to read, as well. I very highly recommend it!

This book had some key points to controlling anger which I’ll list below: 1) Make a goal and track it. If you’re angry most of the day try starting with ten minutes to not react and stay calm -then write about how you felt. No one ever says, “I wish I got angry” or “I wish I stayed angry longer.” Also, sharing your goal with someone to keep you accountable helps. 2) Anger is tied into fear and control. You get surprised but a bit angry if someone jumps out at work - this is fear/surprise and lack of control - but some things are out of control. Accept that and move on. If you do get angry, reflect on it and you’ll probably realize you’re being silly. 3) Be aware of your surroundings. Are there certain scenarios, locations or people that trigger you? Ask yourself why these occurrences upset you. How can you be more in control? If you cannot gain more control than start to accept the situation and prepare yourself before things happen. 4) Mental health practices: exercise, gratitude journals, meditation and breathing exercises will lead to less stress and less “being on edge”. Unfortunately, these four tips were found in the last 20 pages of the book. The book was very repetitive in regards to loving and trusting God and things will work out and then “you must love yourself first to accept others.” Super cliché and ineffective. Overall, a solid 1.5 stars as the tips I enjoyed are quite obvious to help in any situation that involves struggle. Live in the now, take care of your mental health and learn to let go what is out of your control.

This is a useful book that can essentially be summed up as "have low expectations and you'll never get p***ed." It gets very religious in chapers 11-13 so skip those if you're like me and found it trite and just simply annoying. If you're into that, probably not enough, or specific enough to keep you interested. Go read the book of Solomon and you'll get the same info, because that's basically where all the quotes originate. If you've never read anything in the CBT or emotional IQ genre this is a good text to begin with but I wouldn't recommend it to someone in the field unless you are researching books for clients. If you've read Cal Newport Deep Work you can skip the last third of the book as it's the same (even uses the marshmallow experiment) neuroscience as presented there. Not mad I read it (see what I did there), but overall I'd say just skip this one if you're well read in the genre. Sum up. 1. "People never do exactly what we want them to, so stop expecting them too, and you won't get upset with them." 2. Has some religiosity that I found annoying. Mostly in chs. 11-13. But threaded throughout the book. 3. Read Cal Newport if you want the same brain science presented in a more interesting format. smart-books

What if, instead of trying to manage anger, we just never got angry? While the question may seem to contradict human nature and maybe even seem like an unrealistic proposition, what makes the difference, David J. Lieberman says, is perspective. In his new book, Never Get Angry Again: The Foolproof Way To Stay Calm and Cool In Any Conversation or Situation, Lieberman, who is also the author of Get Anyone To Do Anything and Never Be Lied To Again, explains that by recognizing the underlying reasons we get angry, we can learn how to utilize our innate neuroplasticity to rewire our brains toward a state of calm. At any given time, there are multiple forces placed upon us. We desire comfort and pleasure, the approval of our peers, and to feel good about ourselves at the end of the day. How we answer these competing demands plays a large role in the level of anger we feel. Lieberman writes, “When we routinely succumb to immediate gratification or live to protect and project an image, we become angry with ourselves and ultimately feel empty inside.” When, through our choices and life decisions, we don’t like who we have become, we often seek to escape our feelings through excessive behaviors, endless entertainment, and even abusive behaviors. Eventually, as Lieberman writes, “our willingness to endure short-term pain for long-term gain wanes.”

Irresponsible behavior and the underlying feelings of guilt, insecurity, and shame also cause us to compensate, often placing our own defects elsewhere. Lieberman writes, “To the degree that we refuse to accept the truth about ourselves and our lives — and overcome our laziness and fear of pain — the ego engages to protect us and it shift the blame elsewhere.” The gaping hole between reality and our contrived reality then interferes with our adjustment to the world around us. The emotional instability that drives anger is, at its core, a fundamental lack of clarity. “The wider the chasm between the truth and our ability to accept it, the more fragile our emotional health becomes,” writes Lieberman. Our need for reality to conform to our self-image comes at a psychological and physiological price. Cognitive dissonance, the tension that arises from holding two contradictory positions at once, causes the reasoning areas of our brain to shut down and forces us to edit the world around us to avoid threats to our ego. Lieberman writes, “We hide behind a carefully crafted façade, and the identity that we build to shield ourselves soon becomes a shell encasing us. Over time, we fall into a hellish gap of unrealized potential, our true self weakens, and we feel hollow inside.” Focusing on our own pain and on how difficult life is for us is a predictable recipe for anger and one that keeps us from truly connecting with others. Lieberman writes, “Parenthetically, the ease with which we rise above our own problems and shift attention to the welfare of another is a reliable marker of emotional health.”

When we can separate our needs for approval, respect, and admiration, we are free to choose our own reality. “When someone acts rudely toward us, it doesn’t mean anything. This person’s words or deeds cause us to feel bad about ourselves because of our self-image,” writes Lieberman. It is often our beliefs about others behaviors and what they mean that drive our anger. We may conclude that we are not worthy of love and fear being rejected and alone. The result is the feeling of shame. Lieberman writes, “Shame is our conscious, the voice of the soul that says, I am less because of my actions; it is the painful belief that our behavior makes us unworthy of love and undeserving of acceptance — and by extension, all that we love is neither safe nor secure.” By acting responsibly, we build the self esteem that gives us the strength to delay gratification, tolerate discomfort, live in accordance with the soul, find meaning in adversity, have faith that things will work out as they should, live productively, and follow a path that is not paved with circumstances, but rather, our response to those circumstances.

Self-acceptance can also transform our perspectives on the past, learn to forgive, live authentically and chose to respond calmly irrespective of our own or other's emotional states. What if, instead of trying to manage anger, we just never got angry? While the question may seem to contradict human nature and maybe even seem like an unrealistic proposition, what makes the difference, David J. Lieberman says, is perspective. In his new book, Never Get Angry Again: The Foolproof Way To Stay Calm and Cool In Any Conversation or Situation, Lieberman, who is also the author of Get Anyone To Do Anything and Never Be Lied To Again, explains that by recognizing the underlying reasons we get angry, we can learn how to utilize our innate neuroplasticity to rewire our brains toward a state of calm. At any given time, there are multiple forces placed upon us. We desire comfort and pleasure, the approval of our peers, and to feel good about ourselves at the end of the day. How we answer these competing demands plays a large role in the level of anger we feel. Lieberman writes, “When we routinely succumb to immediate gratification or live to protect and project an image, we become angry with ourselves and ultimately feel empty inside.” When, through our choices and life decisions, we don’t like who we have become, we often seek to escape our feelings through excessive behaviors, endless entertainment, and even abusive behaviors. Eventually, as Lieberman writes, “our willingness to endure short-term pain for long-term gain wanes.” Irresponsible behavior and the underlying feelings of guilt, insecurity, and shame also cause us to compensate, often placing our own defects elsewhere. Lieberman writes, “To the degree that we refuse to accept the truth about ourselves and our lives — and overcome our laziness and fear of pain — the ego engages to protect us and it shift the blame elsewhere.”

The gaping hole between reality and our contrived reality then interferes with our adjustment to the world around us. The emotional instability that drives anger is, at its core, a fundamental lack of clarity. “The wider the chasm between the truth and our ability to accept it, the more fragile our emotional health becomes,” writes Lieberman. Our need for reality to conform to our self-image comes at a psychological and physiological price. Cognitive dissonance, the tension that arises from holding two contradictory positions at once, causes the reasoning areas of our brain to shut down and forces us to edit the world around us to avoid threats to our ego. Lieberman writes, “We hide behind a carefully crafted façade, and the identity that we build to shield ourselves soon becomes a shell encasing us. Over time, we fall into a hellish gap of unrealized potential, our true self weakens, and we feel hollow inside.” Focusing on our own pain and on how difficult life is for us is a predictable recipe for anger and one that keeps us from truly connecting with others. Lieberman writes, “Parenthetically, the ease with which we rise above our own problems and shift attention to the welfare of another is a reliable marker of emotional health.” When we can separate our needs for approval, respect, and admiration, we are free to choose our own reality. “When someone acts rudely toward us, it doesn’t mean anything. This person’s words or deeds cause us to feel bad about ourselves because of our self-image,” writes Lieberman. It is often our beliefs about others behaviors and what they mean that drive our anger. We may conclude that we are not worthy of love and fear being rejected and alone. The result is the feeling of shame. Lieberman writes, “Shame is our conscious, the voice of the soul that says, I am less because of my actions; it is the painful belief that our behavior makes us unworthy of love and undeserving of acceptance — and by extension, all that we love is neither safe nor secure.” By acting responsibly, we build the self esteem that gives us the strength to delay gratification, tolerate discomfort, live in accordance with the soul, find meaning in adversity, have faith that things will work out as they should, live productively, and follow a path that is not paved with circumstances, but rather, our response to those circumstances. Self-acceptance can also transform our perspectives on the past, learn to forgive, live authentically and chose to respond calmly irrespective of our own or other's emotional states. One of the points that Liberman put out that I really liked were 5 steps that were most useful in dealing with anger: 1. Humility and respect, 2) Be accountable. 3) Sincerely apologize to get forgiveness 4) Accept and offer consequences if needed, 5) How to love being alive. That really capped the book for me. Highly recommend.

I have always had anger issues but I used to manage myself somehow. During the pandemic however, my anger issues grew worse till the point where I noticed that every Monday evening was the time I would let out steam. That is why I decided to read some anger management literature to improve my situation. I'm glad I happened upon David Lieberman's 'Never Get Angry Again' because it has really changed me as a person, making me more rational, seeing situations in perspective as well as making me grateful for the many good things in my life. I think where Anger Management is concerned, especially for people like me who are leading very hectic workday as well as work night situations, this book is an essential. I love the way Lieberman comes to the point without too much of science jargon & actually seeks to put the tools out there in the book to help the reader. The book does not beat around the bush at all & certainly hits the nail on the head. It is organized mainly into two parts, the theory is first then the practical & I highly recommend that the reader should not skip the theory just to head to the practical. Once you read this book, realize the context of various people & situations that generate anger as well as learn how one should not let the 'ego' part of our psychology dictate its terms to us, then it is possible that you will never get angry ever again. I certainly ever since I've been putting the tools in this book to use have not felt angry for the past 3 weeks, & that is a real miracle for me; a person who has always been angry when under work pressure. I am quite sure that the pointers given in this book, especially the breathing exercises, journal entries as well as the gratitude collage has really helped me become a better person in the past 3 weeks. This book was great therapy & was an easy & soothing read. David j. Lieberman gets full 5 stars from me !