Jun 5, 2022
Marriage and Family topics
The Keys to a Successful Marriage
When you're caught up in the excitement of your wedding, it can be hard to imagine that you and your spouse might not live happily ever after. But sharing your life with another person can be a challenge, especially if you don’t have a lot of experience with relationships. Marriages take work, commitment, and love, but they also need respect to be truly happy and successful.
A marriage based on love and respect doesn't just happen. Both spouses have to do their part. Below are some important keys to work on each day to make your marriage successful.
Communicate clearly and often
Talking with your spouse is one of the best ways to keep your marriage healthy and successful. Be honest about what you're feeling, but be kind and respectful when you communicate. Part of good communication is being a good listener and taking the time to understand what it is your spouse wants and needs from you. Keep the lines of communication open by talking often, and not just about things like bills and the kids. Share your thoughts and feelings.
Tell your spouse that you're thankful for having him or her in your life
Appreciate each other, your relationship, your family, and your lives together. Show gratitude when your partner cooks dinner, helps the kids with their homework, or does the grocery shopping. It may help to take a few minutes each evening to tell each other at least one thing you appreciated that day.
Make time for you two as a couple
With work and family responsibilities, it can be easy to lose the romance factor. Plan special dates, either to go out or just stay at home. If you have children, send them on a play date while you relax, talk, and enjoy each other's company.
Plan for some personal time
Alone time is just as important as couple time. Everyone needs time to recharge, think, and enjoy personal interests. That time is often lost when you're married, especially if you have kids. Go out with friends, take a class, or do volunteer work, whatever you find enriching. When you're back together with your spouse, you'll appreciate each other even more.
Understand that it's OK to disagree
You won't agree on everything, but it is important to be fair and respectful during disagreements. Listen to your spouse's point of view. Try not to get angry and don't let yourself become too frustrated. Walk away and calm down if you need to, then discuss the problem again when you're both in a better frame of mind. Compromise on problems so that you both give a little.
Build trust
Marriage therapist and researcher John Gottman, Ph.D., has found that criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling are serious threats to a marriage. The more a couple engages in these destructive activities, the more likely they are to divorce. His decades of research and of working with couples have shown that spouses who stay together know how to fight without being hostile and to take responsibility for their actions. They are also more likely to respond quickly to each other’s wishes to make up after fights and repair the relationship.
Learn to forgive
Everyone makes mistakes. Your spouse may hurt your feelings or do something that upsets you, and that may make you angry, even furious. But it's important to deal with your feelings, let them go, and move on. don’t keep bringing up the past.
Remember to remain committed to your spouse, your family, and the life that you have built together. Support each other emotionally and in everyday ways. You, your spouse, and your relationship may grow and change with time, but these ideas can help your marriage stay successful over the years.
Marriage rates in the United States have been declining in recent years. According to data from the National Center for Health Statistics, national marriage rates decreased from 6.9 to 6.1 marriages per 1,000 people from 2017 to 2019, which is the lowest rate recorded so far.
While there are many potential reasons for this, it’s clear that many people still want to marry. But since long-lasting marriages are becoming rarer and rarer, how can couples ensure that theirs is a happy one?
Every couple is different, and so is their relationship. So there’s no one-size-fits-all magic formula for a happily ever after. However, there are some key elements to a long-term, healthy partnership.
Below are the three most important things in a marriage:
Commitment: Commitment is more than just wanting to stay together for a long time. It’s the act of choosing your partner for life and promising to go through all of its ups and downs together. And while there may be plenty of fish in the sea, being married means you are wholeheartedly invested in making the relationship last, casting away any doubts that this is just a temporary experiment.
Love: While most couples start their relationships being in love, sustaining that feeling for each other takes effort, sacrifice, and generosity. True love means putting your partner first and giving of yourself without expecting anything in return. It also helps you to accept each other for who you are, flaws and all, and to forgive each other when you fall short.
Respect: Expressing love, no matter how heartfelt, doesn’t mean much if marriage partners don’t respect each other. Respecting your partner for their qualities, thoughts, and capabilities means that you not only accept but also admire your differences. Respect can also help you listen to each others’ opinions and overcome challenges and disagreements.
Of course, while these are the most important things in a marriage, there are plenty of other elements to keeping a marriage happy, including patience, communication, intimacy, trust, empathy, and humor.
What are the most common problems in a marriage?
No matter how happy your marriage is, you’re bound to encounter problems—big and small. One of the secrets to a healthy relationship is understanding potential challenges and making efforts to overcome them.
Some of the most common problems in a marriage include:
Lack of trust
Lack of communication
Jealousy or competition
Financial issues
Parenting issues
Differences in opinion
Infidelity
Cultural differences
Unrealistic expectations
Boredom
At the root of many of these problems is a lack of trust, especially when it comes to infidelity. Trust is perhaps one of the most important foundations of a marriage. So how can you strengthen trust in your relationship?
How to build trust in a marriage
They say that trust is more fragile than glass and shatters with the lightest blow. And once lost, it may be difficult to regain.
To maintain trust in your marriage:
Keep your word, no matter how insignificant it may seem to you.
Be available for your partner when they need you.
Express yourself honestly and openly.
Be loyal and show them that they can count on you.
Be a patient listener.
At times, despite your best efforts, marriage can be a challenge to navigate. But with commitment, love, respect, and trust, you and your partner can make it work even through the tough times. And if all else fails. don’t hesitate to seek the help of a relationship counselor when needed.