Life Compiled by M_nabi

The Friends We’ve Lost😔

There are days when you’re just staring out of the window and you get a rush of memories of what seems like a distant past. As you’re focussing on that single white cloud, you’re reminded of all the people who once were a part of your life, but are not anymore.

“What happened to that friendship, man? We were in our best days. We were unstoppable. Brothers. Not by blood, but by heart. On our worst days, we would cheer each other up in the most unexpected ways. Our heartbreaks, our tragedies, we lived it together. If I asked him to lie for me, he wouldn’t hesitate, even if it got him in trouble. Will I ever have friends like that?” A wave of sadness runs through your body. What an ironic tale it is. The people who were once your best friends now leave your messages unseen. They’re just contacts on the phone. The feeling of forever that you felt around them was an illusion, like the clouds. They did not seem to move, but in reality, every day, they were gliding one inch away from you. The single world that both of you lived in, was slowly separating into two individual worlds. “How I wish we knew, that we were living in the best days of our lives before they were gone. Those fist bumps spoke more than hugs. What I would give to be able to bump fists, one last time.“ Goosebumps. You got lost in thought. You pull yourself out of your head and see that the skies are changing colors. How symbolic. You get up, dust your pants and look at the sky one last time, with a prayer in your mind. “Our conversations are not the same anymore, man. But I promise that if we ever cross paths again, I’ll do all I can to slow down that moment until it lasts. I’ll still be here watching you fly past me while you reach greater heights because no matter how apart we are now, you will always be my best friend. No matter where we are on the ground, our skies will always be the same.” The loss of friendship is a very hard feeling to describe. Most of us just shrug it off saying, “we grew apart” than saying, “it broke my heart.” After all, friendships are supposed to be easy. They are supposed to be deep enough to provide sincere camaraderie but not so deep that upon breaking, it would shatter the person.

However, are things really that simple?

We cultivate so many bonds. Friends with whom we’ve scraped knees in our childhood to those with whom we've bunked classes in college. Friendships keep changing with the tides of time. However, as we get older, we get pickier about the kinds of friends we wanted to hang out with. The shackles around our hearts get tighter. We’re no longer careless kids making friends with anyone and everyone. Most people are only friends at face value. What seldom gets mentioned is that losing friendships, even those you just grow out of hurts. Like a B. It’s a sinking ship. One missed call becomes 10. And then one day, you don’t bother calling at all. We carve out space for them in our lives. We make space to accommodate them only for it to be left vacant. The anguish and grief are real, especially in adulthood, where everyone is living in individual worlds, lonelier than ever. Most of us have been terrible friends to some of the closest people in our lives. Your lives may have changed the moment you joined different colleges, and you did nothing about it. You thought, that when all of you return after 4 years of engineering, things would go back to how they were. Wrong. They didn’t. At least not the way you expected it. You keep canceling plans to meet up in turns. In the end, you throw the onus on your friend to let you know whenever they want to catch up. But the days just pass by. Then, as luck would have it, you come across something that your friend has been silently working on. You find the courage to write a heartfelt wish. Immediately, you get a response back. You’re excited. Maybe this is the chance. You open the chat. “Thank you!” You’re confused and disappointed. It felt like a door closed. You could’ve pushed yourself to continue the conversation, but the response was an answer. You reached a dead-end. If they wanted to pursue a conversation, they would have. It does not make them bad people. Maybe you weren’t a good friend to them. Maybe they’ve changed. Maybe your friendship has run its course.

Friendship breakups are hard to articulate. Unlike relationships where a single rejection means it’s a dead end. Rejections in friendships happen over time until it pricks you hard enough. The constant disappointment hurts way more than a simple rejection and yet, it is given the least amount of care. We look back at lost friendships with so much nostalgia. We miss them. Just because you have wonderful friends right now, doesn’t mean your old lost friends mean any less. But that also does not mean you NEED to reach out to your old friends, again & again. The emotional punch a rejection would give you may break you if you’re in a fragile state of mind. I can vouch for that. I’ve been a bad friend to a lot of my friends. I used to vanish the moment my life took me on a different path. It took me so long to realize that I’m losing some of my best friends this way. I assumed that everything would make sense and we would still be the same. But it never got there. Unfortunately, by the time I started reaching out to them, the rejection made me feel so small. I didn’t need that in my life but I had to try. I just wanted to grasp one of my old friends and make it right. At least one. On the brighter side, I hope that understanding this complex feeling will help me change the way I look at friendships. If you’re missing a friend you’ve lost in touch with and are thinking about reconnecting, I support you. Just do it. Apologize. Don’t put it off. We all screw up. We all hurt people sometimes. It isn’t easy and we can’t control them to forgive us. But life is short and people can really surprise you sometimes. However, don’t forget to take a look at all the people around you, are you appreciating them enough? Good. Now go reconnect. But remember that if you’re feeling exhausted or rejected even after trying, it’s not meant to be. You were brave. You tried. I know it’s not easy, but you have to let it go now. Friends occupy so much of our lives that it’s easy to forget their importance. So while your friends are within your reach, appreciate the bravery of loving your friends with all your might, knowing that it may very well be temporary. Appreciate the grief. It means that your love for them wasn’t weak. Appreciate the people who held on. Don’t spend too much time thinking about how could things get so bad. Don’t wonder if they still think about you. Don’t wonder if they open your chat and feel empty. Instead of looking at lost friendships with resentment and guilt, be grateful for those beautiful years of friendship.

We’ve all lost people this year. We’ve all had bad friends or been bad friends. Losing your best friend can feel like tears running down your cheeks. Losing your best friend can feel like finally letting go. But as you look out of your window, I hope you silently pray for your friends. You will find your way back. And when you do, don’t forget to reconnect. Life is short. So take your shots. Send that message. The worst that can happen has already happened.