LIFE

You‘ve Changed. You Just Haven’t Paid Enough Attention. Today, for the first time in a long time, I took a good look at myself in the mirror — not the quick glance I take when I’m running late for work, but an intent gaze, with no sense of urgency. My eyes scanned my own reflection, from the black strands of my hair to the bare brown skin of my hands and legs. I seemed much more muscular than before. And there were several veins popping on the back of my palm that were inexistent before. Just how much have I changed since the last time I stood here? For a decent stretch of time lately, I’ve been feeling good. There have been more good days than bad ones. And the nights don’t feel longer like they used to. I remember how sometimes, I felt suffocated in my own mind and lived like a prisoner, locked inside four walls. And now, it feels strange to even recall what that felt like. As I continued to stare at myself, I eventually saw, not the person I am, but the person I was. And a wave of gratefulness rode its way to my face. With my lips stretched from cheek to cheek, I could finally tell myself that I did well. And it felt f****** great.👉

We’ve all lost ourselves to pain several times. On some nights, the lights would flicker and our shadows would grow stronger. The bed that was once a familiar friend, would try to pull us under. But we’ve come a long way from feeling that way. What a tough time it was! We gave ourselves time. We let ourselves be, one day after another. We lurked in silence and stayed away from the spotlight because we weren’t ready for the world yet. We celebrated our friend’s happiness even though we couldn’t be happy ourselves. It took us everything we had to subdue all our desires and tirelessly work on ourselves. Everyone in the world looked at themself like the main character, but we, felt like side characters — as if we were here to fulfill someone else’s dreams. It’s not that we did not have dreams. We did, but we couldn’t imagine living one, because every destination felt impossible to reach. Insobreity was only one decision away. And some of us were tempted to drown ourselves in it because it was the only lifeboat we could see. Every other day was the spitting image of the last and sometimes, we wondered whether the tunnel was just an endless loop of punishment.👉

Today, our eyes shine brighter than ever and we carry with us an armor of confidence. It is the start of our comeback story. We’re no longer hiding nor are we letting the spotlight out of sight. Spending time on the sidelines has sparked a hunger that can only be quenched through action. These last few years of quietly recovering has expanded our capacity to accommodate a superior version of ourselves. We’re now capable of dreaming big because we know how it feels like to not dream at all. All the struggle we’ve gone through has shaped our thoughts to make us stronger than ever. We’re wary of thorns that prick and appreciative of the flowers that bloom.👉

Losing doesn’t scare us anymore because we’ve got nothing left to lose. All that we were afraid of losing, has already been lost. So we walk fearlessly knowing that we’re capable of rising from the depths of Tartarus, again, if we ever need to. Everything we started, to deal with the pain, has now spread its roots. It may not have started by choice, but it has become who we are. Every single day we put effort into those little things, we harnessed the power of compounding. Until one day when we stood in front of the mirror and understood how powerful these insignificant moments turned out to be. The locks are no longer sealed now. And the only one who can hold us back is ourselves. We have made progress, yes. But we haven’t yet reached our dreams. So don’t give yourself too much credit just yet.👉