How to talk with anyone?

How to Talk to Anyone: 92 Little Tricks for Big Success in Relationships By Leil Lowndes Some of us are not born with an innate ability to navigate social settings with the ease of a social butterfly. Thankfully, this book and others like them can serve as a guidebook on how to improve in this area and to make it more enjoyable. As with all books I read on understanding people, I read it with this lens: How does this help me understand myself and others better so that I can fulfill Jesus’ command to love others as myself? This book gives some very practical tips to do just that. You probably won’t use them all, but there are many helpful hints. (The following summary is by Derek Sivers. He did a great job on it, so I didn’t feel the need to redo it. Derek has many other book summaries on his website: https://sivers.org/) There are two kinds of people in this life: Those who walk into a room and say, “Well, here I am!” Those who walk in and say, “Ahh, there you are.” You see, nobody gets to the top alone. Over the years people who seem to “have it all” have captured the hearts and conquered the minds of hundreds of others who helped boost them, rung by rung, to the top of whatever corporate or social ladder they chose.

PART ONE: HOW TO INTRIGUE EVERYONE WITHOUT SAYING A WORD YOU ONLY HAVE TEN SECONDS TO SHOW YOU’RE A SOMEBODY Whenever people meet you, they take an instant mental snapshot. The way you look and the way you move is more than 80 percent of someone’s first impression of you. Give ‘em great posture, a heads-up look, a confident smile, and a direct gaze. ** How to Make Your Smile Magically Different Technique (The Flooding Smile): Don’t flash an immediate smile when you greet someone, as though anyone who walked into your line of sight would be the beneficiary. Instead, look at the other person’s face for a second. Pause. Soak in their persona. Then let a big, warm, responsive smile flood over your face and overview into your eyes. It will engulf the recipient like a warm wave. The split-second delay convinces people your flooding smile is genuine and only for them. A big, warm smile is an asset. But only when it comes a little slower, because then it has more credibility. It’s more sincere and personalized for the recipient. ** How to Strike Everyone as Intelligent and Insightful by Using Your Eyes Technique (Sticky Eyes): Pretend your eyes are glued to your conversation partner’s with sticky warm taffy. Don’t break eye contact even after he or she has finished speaking. When you must look away, do it ever so slowly, reluctantly, stretching the gooey taffy until the tiny string finally breaks. In a case study, the subjects reported significantly higher feelings of respect and fondness for their colleagues who had been counting their blinks. ** How to Use Your Eyes to Make Someone Fall in Love with You +Technique (Epoxy Eyes): This brazen technique packs a powerful punch. Watch your target person even when someone else is talking. No matter who is speaking, keep looking at the man or woman you want to impact.n It says, “I can’t take my eyes off you” or “I only have eyes for you.” Concentrate on the listener – your target- rather than the speaker. You are extremely interested in his or her reactions. ** How to Win Their Heart by Responding to Their Inner Infant +Technique (The Big-Baby Pivot): Give everyone you meet The Big-Baby Pivot. The instant the two of you are introduced, reward your new acquaintance. Give the warm smile, the total-body turn, and the undivided attention you would give a tiny tyke who crawled up to your feet, turned a precious face up to yours, and beamed a big toothless grin. Pivoting 100 percent towards the new person shouts "I think you are very, very special." ** How to Make Someone Feel Like an Old Friend at Once +Technique (Hello Old Friend): When meeting someone, imagine he or she is an old friend (and old customer, and old beloved, or someone else you had great affection for). How sad, the vicissitudes of life tore you two asunder. But, holy mackerel, now the party (the meeting, the convention) has reunited you with your long-lost old friend! The joyful experience starts a remarkable chain reaction in your body from the subconscious softening of your eyebrows to the positioning of your toes - and everything between. People don't care how much you know until they know how much you care...about them. Whenever you're traveling in countries where you don't speak the native tongue, be sure to use the "hello old friend" technique. When you act as though you like someone, you start to really like them. ** How to Come Across as 100% Credible to Everyone +Technique (Limit the Fidget): Whenever your conversation really counts, let your nose itch, your ear tingle, or your foot prickle. Do not fidget, twitch, wiggle, squirm, or scratch. And above all, keep your paws away from your face. Hand motions near your face and all fidgeting can give your listener the gut feeling you're fibbing. Fidgety movements give listeners the sense something just isn't right. Professional communicators, squelch any signs anyone could mistake for shiftiness. They fix a constant gaze on the listener. They never put their hands on their faces. They don't massage their arm when it tingles or rub their nose when it itches. They don't loosen their collar when it's hot or blink because it's sandy. They don't wipe away tiny perspiration beads in public or shield their eyes from the sun. ** How to Read People Like You Have ESP Technique (Han’s Horse Sense): Make it a habit to get on a dual track while talking. Express your self, but keep a keen eye on how your listener is reacting to what you’re saying. Then plan your moves accordingly. If a horse can do it, so can a human. People will say you pick up on everything. You never miss a trick. You’ve got horse sense. ** How to Make Sure You Don’t Miss a Single Beat Technique (Watch the Scene Before You Make the Scene): Rehearse being the Super Somebody you want to be ahead of time. SEE yourself walking around with Hang by Your Teeth posture, shaking hands, smiling the Flooding Smile, and making Sticky Eyes. HEAR yourself chatting comfortably with everyone. FEEL the pleasure of knowing you are in peak form and everyone is gravitating towards you. VISUALIZE yourself a Super Somebody. Then it all happens automatically.