Coaching Mistakes

6 "anti-pattern" to avoid in coaching. 1. Giving advice 💁‍♀️ 2. Constantly Interrogating 🙋‍♂️ 3. Telling Personal Stories 🗣 4. Doing the work instead of fostering ownership 👀 5. Being Judgemental 🖤 6. Not listening 👂 Instead, focus on clients: • Autonomy • Reflection • Self-discovery To foster these: ↳ Provide reflective space ↳ Sit with a discomforting silence ↳ Deeply explore without time pressure ↳ Allow clients to trust their thoughts ↳ Break patterns to build new neural pathways This allows multiple possibilities to coexist before the client chooses a path forward.

“A smart man makes a mistake, learns from it, and never makes the mistake again. But a wise man finds a smart man and learns from him how to avoid the mistake altogether.” – Roy H. Williams There is nothing unique about making mistakes – each and every single one of us is prone to making one – big or small. And that includes coaches as well. We all make mistakes, learn from them, and try our best not to repeat the same mistakes again. But there is a better way. And that is by learning from others’ mistakes. There have been many coaches who have walked the path back when the path was not nearly as clearly defined as it is now. They got their hands dirty when there were not many to guide them. They stumbled, fell, and picked themselves back up again, only to come back stronger and become better at their craft. Lucky for those of us who are new on the path; we can learn what to do, and even better, what not to do, from those who came before us. There are some common coaching mistakes to be wary of at the beginning of one’s journey as a coach. And for that matter, even experienced coaches can make the same mistakes as a rookie coach from time to time. Even the best coaches, if not careful, are known to get set in their own ways as years go by, unaware of the mistakes they continue making that could have a spill-over effect on their business performs, their brand, or their coaching outcomes. Let’s get to some of the biggest coaching mistakes one by one.

A sure shot way of increasing one’s chances at client success while coaching is to set ground rules and expectations that are clear as the mountain sky on a sunny day. But this is something several new coaches fail to do during onboarding. This usually happens as a result of wanting to appease the client and giving them everything they ask for, even if it is beyond the scope of the coach’s expertise and the price that the client is paying for their program. This leads to a couple of outcomes: First, the coach feeling burnt out as a result of accommodating any and every demand of the client, some of which they aren’t required to do. And second, the client potentially feeling dissatisfied and unfulfilled at the end of the coaching engagement, feeling like they haven’t received what they’d asked for – even if, in reality, they have received much more than what they had originally signed up for. To avoid this, the coach needs to have a conversation with the client even before the coaching engagement officially begins, and come to a consensus about what the client can expect from the coach. This could include the number of sessions in the coaching journey, the frequency of meeting/calls, importance of adhering to the fixed time and schedule, coach-client boundaries (access to the coach outside of coaching sessions, for instance), what the coaching engagement includes and more importantly, what it doesn’t include (being a counsellor or a friend, for instance), expectations from the client, and so on. The details of this would differ from coach to coach, but the essence is to set expectations right from the very beginning to make way for a smooth coaching session and engagement.

One of the first things that they teach you at the time of coach training is to help the client set their objectives and expected outcomes right at the beginning of the session. For each client the objective will differ and thus, it is vital for a coach to understand what the client is looking for as a result of the time spent with them. A simple question like “What outcome are you hoping to achieve by the end of this session?” helps a client focus on what exactly they want at the end of the hour. Having this cleared helps both the client and coach by providing them a distant goal to work towards. It also comes in handy when the coach finds the client straying from the intent of the coaching session by asking “We’re in the middle of our coaching session. How do you think we are progressing towards the goal we set out at the beginning of the session?”. Asking this helps bring the client back to the objective at hand and not get deviated. Another common coaching mistake is to not hold the client accountable. This can be something as simple as expecting them to arrive for the session on time, or ensuring they complete their tasks in an appropriate fashion. It is not about directing but making it clear to the client that their success depends on their actions and they need to complete their actions if they are serious about making progress.

A classic case of ‘when is coaching not appropriate’. This is a common mistake especially likely to be made by new coaches. The concept of coaching and letting the client answer and come up with solutions that seem right to them is usually new to a newly-certified coach. Many of us, due to force of habit, end up providing answers for our clients and getting into ‘advising’ mode. This is a big no-no and a mistake that a coach needs to correct right away before refining other parts of their coaching practice. In a coaching session, as a ground rule, the coach must listen more than speak and remain in the ‘coach’ zone instead of straying into the ‘advisor’, ‘counsellor’, ‘consultant’ or ‘mentor’ zone. The coaching session is about the client and not the coach, so a coach must avoid making it all about themselves and let the client take the lead in terms of what they want, the goals they want to set, how they are going to work towards those goals, what feels right to them, what feels wrong to them…and so on. The coach is only the facilitator for the client and it takes a greater restraint to take the backseat and allow the client to figure the best way forward.

The questions a coach asks a client need to be simple – there are no prizes for the number of questions a coach asks a client. But new coaches often make the mistake of making the coaching session all about their questions. A rookie coaching mistake is to ask questions that are leading in nature which stray a client in a specific direction – that defeats the purpose of letting the client come up with their own answers and take the direction that they feel is best for them. Asking close-ended questions that have a ‘yes’ or ‘no’ response also doesn’t add much to the coaching conversation. Instead of asking questions that start with ‘do you…?’, ‘have you…?’ ‘will you…?’, coaches will get to better places asking ‘how’ or ‘what’ questions.

Coaching conversations can sometimes get complicated and difficult, especially when the coach finds that the client is stuck and needs a bit of a push to get things moving. But a fear that sets in for a new coach is that if they challenge their client, it might lead to them losing the client. Which then results in the coach taking the easier route in order to keep things ‘pleasant’. As a coach, however, sometimes it is vital to rock the boat a little and get the client out of their comfort zone to help lead them in the direction of their goals & desires and overcome their obstacles. Sometimes you would be required to be confrontational in your conversation and ruthless in your observation. To prepare for such times, you can have a discussion with your client in advance in order to understand how they’d like to be addressed when such a time arrives. You can ask something like: “How will we handle moments when you feel resistant? What is the best way for me to appropriately coach you through the discomfort?” You’d be surprised how open your clients will be to you pushing them once you’ve prepared them in advance – they will know you are doing it for their own good.

Another common coaching mistake is when the coach assumes they know a client based on either the role or industry of the client, their background, or due to experiences the coach has had with similar clients. While there may always be overlaps and similarities among different clients you come across, making judgments or assumptions that they will be the same doesn’t help anyone. Nor is it fair to the client who is their own unique individual self with a unique set of attributes, goals, desires, and obstacles. While it is absolutely fine to draw on experiences, a coach must approach each client with a blank slate, being as curious as possible in order to learn the most about them in the most neutral manner possible.

There are several coaching models and methodologies out there. And with experience and time, coaches often adopt a particular style and process depending on the commonalities of the client profile and what gets maximum guaranteed success. But for a coaching engagement to find success, it needs to primarily follow the client – the process is secondary. A mistake many coaches (even experienced coaches) can make is in wanting to stick to the process and forcing the client to take a particular route, instead of following the client and their unique path. Great coaching conversations rarely follow a pattern. They leap forward, circle back, go deep, change direction — they go wherever the ground is most fertile. Surely, the goals of the client can be the North Star to aim at, but the road to that can never be exactly defined – and that is something coaches need to accept and understand and thus, be flexible about.

1. What can go wrong in a coaching session? If a coach is prepared and has taken the time and effort to find the right client, then the chances of something going wrong in a session are slim. Things go wrong in a coaching session most likely when a coach is unprepared and is winging it or is distracted – such as they will miss important inputs, the client will feel neglected. Other coaching mistakes that can happen include the coach bringing in their judgments and prejudices to the call or failing to set clear objectives, expectations and accountability for the client. Also, if a coach doesn’t find the right type of client for themselves, it can lead to a massive mismatch – which is counterproductive to both the client and the coach. The client could be uncoachable, i.e., refusing to take responsibility for their actions, being stuck in the past, not taking appropriate actions towards growth, expecting the coach to give them answers and refusing to do the work, and so on. 2. What are some of the greatest coaching pitfalls? Some of the biggest coaching mistakes include: not setting clear expectations and ground rules for the client and the sessions; getting into advising or consulting mode as opposed to coaching; asking complicated, close-ended, and leading questions; bringing in judgments and prejudices about the client; not holding the client accountable; not challenging the client; not taking the time to self-reflect; making the session all about themselves; having a goal in mind for the client; thinking they know better than the client…and so on!

Coaching is a powerful tool for personal and professional growth, but it can also be tricky. As a coach, you want to help your clients succeed, but it's easy to make mistakes that hinder their progress. Here are the top 10 coaching mistakes to avoid: 1. Working too hard Many coaches have worked hard to get where they are, and it's tempting to think that the same level of effort is required for success. But as a coach, your job is not to work harder than your clients. Instead, your role is to challenge and encourage them to do the hard work themselves. 2. Talking too much Silence can be uncomfortable, but great coaches know that it's essential for reflection and contemplation. By listening deeply and allowing your clients to talk through their aspirations, dilemmas, and passions, you create space for growth and change. 3. Giving lots of advice We all love to give advice, but it's not always helpful. Great coaches know that limiting advice and instead using techniques like encouraging, challenging, inquiring, confronting, affirming, and questioning can help clients gain insight and take action. 4. Doggedly following a coaching system Coaching systems can be helpful, but they're not a one-size-fits-all solution. Great coaching conversations go wherever the ground is most fertile, leaping forward, circling back, and changing direction as needed. 5. Not saying what needs to be said Coaching can be uncertain, emotional, and even confrontational, but it's essential to speak honestly and directly. Courageous conversations can help clients gain clarity and move forward in their personal and professional lives. 6. Neglecting to ask the other person how you can be most helpful Coaching conversations should always be focused on the most important issues at hand. By asking your clients what they need most from you, you can provide targeted support and guidance. 7. Assuming that the other person needs to be fixed Everyone has flaws, weaknesses, and areas for improvement, but it's not the coach's job to fix them. Instead, focus on helping clients use their natural gifts and talents to reach their full potential. 8. Owning the outcome Coaching is not about the coach's success; it's about the client's success. By empowering clients to take ownership of their victories and failures, you can help them build confidence and independence. 9. Winging it Coaching requires preparation and focus. By setting aside your own priorities and concerns, you can create a space where your clients can thrive and grow. 10. Finishing without a commitment Insight is important, but action is essential. Always challenge your clients to commit to specific actions that will advance their goals in a significant way. By avoiding these common coaching mistakes, you can create a supportive and empowering environment for your clients to achieve their goals and reach their full potential.

Coaching is one profession in which clients will look to you as a guru who is holding the keys to their self-awareness, clarity and empowerment. What people may not often consider is that even the very best coaches can make mistakes sometimes, especially when they’re first starting out. In most cases, if a new coach missteps, there are effective ways to fix problems that result. Here, 14 members of Forbes Coaches Council discuss some of these common mistakes and explore ways for new coaches to rectify the issues they create, assuming they weren’t able to avoid or prevent them up front. 1. Jumping Into Advising Mode Versus Listening Mode One common mistake is to jump into advising mode instead of listening mode. Early in the coaching engagement, it is critical to learn everything you can about the client. Start by listening intently to hear the issues as well as to understand the person struggling with the issues. Being in the growth mindset will be critical to how you best help your coachee. - Kelly Huang, Coach Kelly Huang 2. Seeking Constant Reassurance From Clients A common mistake new coaches make is that they seek constant reassurance on the quality of their coaching from their own clients. A lack of confidence sends a lack of confidence back to your clients. Step back and take a leadership position. One of the keys to turning things around is your professionalism. Put a framework and structure around this relationship, and excellence will overtake inexperience. - Xavier Preterit, BIMR EDITION 3. Lacking Confidence In Their Skills A common mistake I see new coaches make is the lack of confidence in their skills and not understanding the incredible value they add to their clients. This can be avoided by choosing a coaching education program accredited by the International Coaching Federation that would instill world-class coaching skills in them and would rewire their brain about the true value of maximizing human potential in a creative process. - Shiny Burcu Unsal, Academy of Neuro-Shine Technology 4. Not Establishing Clear Ground Rules And Mutual Expectations Often, new coaches enter into the profession with preconceived notions about how to operate in their engagements. A common practice is giving advice instead of framing great questions and facilitating self-discovery. Another misstep would be not establishing the clear ground rules and mutual expectations that lead to a successful outcome. Remember, all sessions are about the client, not you. - Eugene Frazier, EF Choice & Associates, LLC 5. Fearing They Will Lose The Engagement If They Challenge A Client True potential often lies beyond resistance and blind spots, requiring the coach to appropriately “push.” New coaches are often afraid they will lose the engagement if they challenge a client too much. To avoid missing opportunities for growth, discuss this in advance: “How will we handle moments when you feel resistant? What is the best way for me to appropriately coach you through the discomfort?” - Christine Grimm, Aria Consulting International 6. Relying Too Much On A Single Methodology Relying too much on a single methodology or style can frequently hurt an aspiring coach. You’ll find that you cannot push clients into the same framework without causing discontent and dropout. Having a diverse toolbox of coaching resources and focusing on your own continuous development will allow you to increase confidence, flex for the situation and best serve each client. - Laura DeCarlo, Career Directors International 7. Exhibiting The Tendency To ‘Add More Value’ New coaches may exhibit the tendency to “add more value” to the coach-client relationship and therefore try too hard during coaching. This common mistake manifests in the coach feeling uneasy when there are periods of silence or when the client is not ready to commit to goals. Instead of leaning in more, draw the client out with curiosity and empathy so emotional resonance might emerge. - Thomas Lim, Singapore Public Service, SportSG 8. Believing Everything Their Client Says Often, believing everything the client says leads to the coach starting their work with the client by addressing the symptoms and not the cause of a problem. Asking for permission to challenge the client’s perspective, posing open questions and being comfortable making a turnaround is the way for a coach to get to the root of an issue and guide their client to success. - Lusia Moskvicheva, The Happy Life Strategist 9. Focusing Too Much On Processes And Tools New coaches may focus more on processes and tools rather than being in flow and present with the client. There is a natural adjustment period as new coaches learn the mechanics of coaching and incorporate listening, using intuition, adapting and coaching from the heart. This takes practice, time and trust. - Manisha Dhawan, MPath Coaching 10. Assuming They Know A Client Based On Their Role The most common mistake new coaches make is assuming they know a client based on their industry, role or the coach’s experiences with similar clients. In decades of coaching top performers, I find that no two people are the same, and while similarities can be drawn at times, it is only when you get to know the person and customize your approach and strategies that huge growth occurs. - Kristin Andree, Andree Group 11. Having A Specific Goal In Mind For The Client It can feel tempting to start drawing conclusions from an initial discovery call and imagine a new world for your client. That is not your job as a coach. Your job is to guide the client through a safe and exploratory space where they can realize and discover their own goals and dreams. - Josephine Kant, Google for Startups 12. Being Too Rigid In Their Programs Some clients will appreciate your discipline as you roll out programs for them. But they often need some flexibility in little things along the way—meeting times, program emphasis, refinement of coaching and more. If you can flex your programs without compromising their integrity, it is a sign of maturity, and most clients will appreciate it. - John M. O’Connor, Career Pro Inc. 13. Forgetting To Set Healthy Boundaries New coaches often forget to set healthy boundaries and effectively communicate them to their clients. Sometimes, this means they end up being available to everyone at any time, even outside of business hours. The best way to establish good boundaries is to include them in a “welcome packet” for the client. This sets the tone of the relationship, and both parties know what to expect. - Reelika Schulte , Dream Lifestyle 14. Avoiding Holding Clients Accountable A common mistake new coaches make is to avoid holding clients accountable for arriving on time to meetings, for example, or appropriately completing tasks. It can be scary and uncomfortable to be direct with clients; however, it is necessary because, otherwise, they might be feeding into their clients’ limiting patterns. Instead, express curiosity and confirm or shift expectations for greater future success. - Vered Kogan, Momentum Institute

Fact: No one became a great coach overnight. It takes years of consistent, intentional practice, studying and learning from mistakes accumulated along the way. As a professional coach for quite some time now, I have had my own share of mistakes back when I was just a newbie in the industry, all of which have taught me important lessons I now apply religiously in my coaching practice. But what I realized is that when you’re starting out as a coach (come to think of it, at times, even as a professional one), it’s very important to review and reflect on your practice along the way so that you will be able to identify the things that don’t really help in the process, with full humility and openness. Because at times, we get too excited to help our clients and forget everything else that matters, including mistakes we should avoid. And if you do recognize any of these mistakes listed here and have been guilty of doing them, the solution isn’t to beat yourself up, but rather to recalibrate and start over again with a clean slate. Be kinder to yourself and give your practice some credit. At the end of the day, it’s all about progress, not perfection. Allow me to share with you five common mistakes coaches should avoid, helping you in your own journey toward becoming the great coach you’re meant to be. 1. Making the Session All About You In a coaching session, the client takes the lead. The client is the star of the show, not you. Don’t mind the fact that you have similar experiences with the client – you don’t have to share it during the session. Nor does it matter if you learned a new coaching technique that you want to showcase immediately – there are other ways (and better times) to practice before doing so. Don’t try to steal the limelight to affirm yourself one way or another. Allow the client to shine by being genuinely interested and curious as you ask powerful questions that allow your clients to get to know and better understand themselves. 2. Using Complicated, Layered Questioning There is not an award for a coach who dishes out the most questions in the shortest span of time. It should always be about quality over quantity. Again, the simpler the coaching conversation is, the better. Use words that are easily understood, simple sentence constructions, and don’t let your questions pile up in one go. Give the client ample time and space to process by asking a single, highly focused, strategic question at a time. Be clear before clever. 3. Bringing in Judgments The client knows themself best. So, when in doubt, ask – never assume. Your assumptions frame the conversation, which can block the wonderful passageway toward beautiful breakthroughs. Also, judging yourself and the client in the process won’t allow you to build a genuine relationship along the way. No need to bring in any form of excess baggage in your coaching session. You will only end up shortchanging yourself and your client if you do so. 4. Being Distracted If you want a coaching session to work out well, both you and your client should be 100% present. Ask curiously. Listen actively. Process accordingly. Don’t rush. Pause if needed. Be in the now. Don’t let the noise, whether internal or external, get the best of you. Always give your best and always be present. 5. Pressuring Yourself Too Much Relax. Like your client, you must also learn to enjoy the journey. Don’t waste your time and energy by forcing the results you’ve envisioned for yourself and the client. The focus should not be on results alone – it’s about the entire coaching journey. Stop stressing yourself out as you anticipate each and every reply of your client with a question in your bag. Go with the flow and grow with it thereafter So, there you have it. Can you relate with some of these? Know that it’s OK and you now have a chance to work on these moving forward. Becoming the professional coach that I am now was an enlightening journey. We can rely on ICF’s Core Competencies and Code of Ethics to guide us in our practice, helping us uphold the highest standards in coaching and keeping us from making the same mistakes again. In the end, what matters is that we learned and grew from the experience to become our own #bestmeever.

I fell into coaching by accident. In 2007 a good friend invited me to join her on a free NLP Diploma training weekend, so I went along to keep her company – funny how things in life come along at the right time! After two days I was hooked and I then invested heavily in my CPD through NLP Practitioner and Master practitioner training. This gave me a bunch of great tools and approaches at my disposal to bring into the coaching space. Later In 2007 I qualified as an executive coach with the ILM L7 Diploma in Executive Coaching & Leadership Mentoring and along came my first clients, all of whom were young and aspiring headteachers in the Fast Track programme with the National College of School Leadership. I was thrown in at the deep end with 50 clients in schools across the west region of the UK, so what mistakes did I make in the early days of being a coach and how might these help other new coaches? Plenty I am sure – here are three that come to mind. Mistake #1 – Lazy contracting – one side of A4 isn’t enough for a professional written contract. My current coaching contract has grown to 7 pages and includes safeguarding and GDPR arrangements as well as the logistics and the nature of the work and relationship. Neither is a quick ten-minute chat enough for verbal contracting. There is so much to explore in the working relationship, both at the beginning and then within every coaching session. I now have a much better awareness of many relationship dilemmas, in particular, that could be avoided through better contracting and re-contracting. The verbal, written and psychological contracts are interlinked and the more these are discussed and revisited in a coaching relationship, the better. Mistake #2 – Too much enthusiasm for tools and techniques – having trained in NLP first, I came to coaching with an exciting and extensive toolkit of tools and techniques. I once heard a quote from Richard Bandler (the co-founder of NLP) that said “NLP is an attitude and a methodology, which leave behind a trail of techniques”. Looking back on my early days of my coaching it was a case of all the gear and no idea. On reflection, it might have been better to get the basics of coaching right and work harder on my listening and questioning skills rather than seeing to employ something from my armory of tools. Having said that there are still a few firm favourites from NLP that I use regularly, such as the neurological levels models which is one of the most robust and adaptable NLP frameworks for coaching and also the well-formed outcome which is the simplest of goal-setting tools yet enormously effective. Mistake #3 – No supervision – yes you read that right – absolutely none. I didn’t even know supervision was a ‘thing’ during my first couple of years as a coach. I can’t remember where I first came across the concept of working with a supervisor. Even when I was initially aware it existed, I am ashamed to say I didn’t see the relevance of it to me for far too long. No one else was talking about supervision in my network and I’d never been asked whether I was supervised. I now spend about £3000 per year on supervision and reflective practice, both 1:1 and in groups. I wouldn’t be without it on a personal level as it gives me checks and balances in my practice and allows me to explore my blind spots. Without supervision, I would be in breach of the Global Code of Ethics and my professional memberships. I now regularly have to submit my supervision and CPD logs for membership renewals, and directory listings and also to bid for client work. If I could go back to those early years and do things differently, I would Seek advice from multiple sources on what professional contracting looks, sounds and feels like Focus more on getting the foundations better, rather than tools and techniques – I would seek masterclasses on listening and questioning skills and in particular clean language as this has taken my questioning skills to the next level. Going back to my first coaching contract all those years ago, I had a wonderful time working with inspiring teachers and my knowledge, skills and confidence as a coach grew exponentially during that time. I am aware that I thrive on uncertainty and ambiguity and I am mindful that the approach I took to gaining substantial experience quickly wouldn’t suit everyone. However, I would encourage all new coaches to grab early opportunities to work with new clients and maintain their learning momentum. How might you avoid my early mistakes? When you make mistakes, how will you know and how will you reflect and learn? Who will supervise you?

Management coaching creates a spirit of collaboration, allows for open communication, and builds trust and respect in the relationship. The road to high-performance and win-win partnerships has plenty of falling rocks, potholes, and detours. However, if you are able to read the road signs, you can steer around many of these obstacles. The secret to successful management coaching lies in avoiding the seven most common coaching mistakes. We can reduce unnecessary conflict, turnover, and frustration during times of change if we are aware of these obstacles and commit to developing our coaching skills accordingly. Mistake Number One – Don’t Rock the Boat Too many people assume that the best way to build strong relationships is to keep quiet, keep your head down and eyes closed. The worst thing you can do when you have a concern or even sense a problem is to let it fester. Recommendation Number One: Ask questions, talk about it, and engage people in the spirit of inquiry and understanding. You don’t need to wait until you have an ironclad case. Mistake Number Two- Delay Some managers see coaching opportunities but procrastinate. They think, “I will make a move at the right moment when I am not so busy.” They rationalized that there will be an ideal time to talk. As a result, they do more damage as they wait for this magical moment to appear. Recommendation Number Two: Keep people in perspective, and budget time to talk with them. Explore situations and find solutions to common problems. Mistake Number Three – Dump Many leaders open up to management coaching only after the list of topics is so long that it would topple a shopping cart. When you dump a list of concerns on people, they often react by defending and covering up. Recommendation Number Three: Be selective and focused with conversation topics rather than comprehensive. People appreciate talking about one or two issues at a time. Don’t swamp them with too many suggestions and changes. One quality solution is more important that a lot of weak ones. Mistake Number Four- Dominate When some supervisors do open up dialogue, they are unable to control the floodgates. The conversation whips into a firestorm of accusations, venting, anger, and lecturing. The vast majority of managers inadvertently dominate coaching discussions by simply talking 75% of the time or more. Managers sometimes mistakenly feel that they have more to say, more expertise, and wisdom. Recommendation Number Four: Plan ahead. Rehearse your thoughts in your mind. Don’t go on for more than about 30 seconds on any one point. Generally, when you spend more than 55% of the time talking, you are overstepping the boundaries. Mistake Number Five- Prescribe Many of us take pride in our expertise. As supervisors, we feel that we have a lot to offer, and that we know what is best. We forget that management coaching is really supposed to help define the situation and facilitate an agreement or solution so that others can feel ownership. Once we begin selling our pre-formed ideas, our ability to brainstorm and participate diminishes. Recommendation Number Five: Ask questions. Inquire before you advocate. Try to guide rather than dictate. Find out what the other person knows and what solutions they have in mind. Mistake Number Six- Attack It is possible for well-intended discussions to degenerate into aggressive and angry feelings. When an employee feels attacked, he or she will simply cover up, deflect responsibility, and not speak up. People pack around resentment and seek ways to get even. People begin acting like victims rather than creative, empowered contributors. When a person attacks, they make the issue personal rather than objective. Recommendation Number Six: Proper management coaching often requires a step back to look at all the factors. Usually serious problems have many roots. Be a little vulnerable by looking for your own contribution to the situation. This will help defuse the fireworks. Put your concerns in writing and see if the tone and spirit is there. Mistake Number Seven- Denial Too many leaders do not create two-way relationships. It is easier for people to see the faults and needs of others than to identify them in themselves. This phenomena is called a “self-serving bias.” A leader facing this challenge may have a tendency to attribute positive results to their own behavior or action, but negative results to others or external factors. They are in denial about their own contribution to situations or events. Recommendation Number Seven: Try to identify your contributions to the issues and concerns. Encourage and seek out feedback from others. Be open, up-front, and candid. Don’t get defensive if others see your own shortcomings. Thank them for their openness and willingness to speak up. If you model a willingness to develop and improve, others around you will also. In Summary Look at relationships as a business asset and competitive advantage. At times, it may seem that fighting, arguing, or screaming is faster and more effective than management coaching. Don’t be fooled. These tactics only lead to stress, fatigue, and diminished motivation for everyone. Instead, let high performance and win-win partnerships help the organization flourish and bring personal satisfaction.

During the transition from the C-suite to executive coaching, there are a number of common mistakes that can put a new coach’s career on the back foot. Highly experienced Vistage Chairs Marty Stowe, Steve Johnson and Kurt Graves learned some lessons the hard way. But with perseverance, their peer advisory groups, and one-to-one coaching endeavors, they found success. Now, they’re sharing their insights in the hopes of easing the way for others. Here are five of the biggest mistakes they say executive coaches can make. 1. Confusing coaching and consulting First and foremost, anyone trying to break into executive coaching must understand that it is fundamentally different from consulting work. In a consulting relationship, a client comes in with a problem they are paying to have solved. In a coaching engagement, a mentee comes with a problem they need help figuring out how to solve for themselves. Or as Stowe puts it, “Consultants answer your questions. Coaches question your answers.” Moreover, the relationship between a coach and their mentee is far less transactional than a consulting gig. Treating an executive coaching client in the way one would a consulting customer can mar the relationship. That’s because coaching is based on trust, sincerity, and the coach’s desire to help the mentee find their own solutions and become the best leader they can be. Coaching also requires more of a commitment to a single person. Graves compares how his consulting engagements would end with the completion of a particular job scope, while his coach-mentee relationships are renewed every month and can last for years. “It’s completely different,” he says. 2. Letting ego get in the way As former CEOs and business leaders, many coaches are used to being in the spotlight. But executive coaching is a form of servant leadership that requires a willingness to cede the stage. “Executive coaches are great guides, and they never forget that they are not the hero,” Stowe says. “The client is the hero.” A coach’s job is to prioritize their mentees’ voices and get comfortable with taking a backseat in a discussion. “It’s not the easiest thing in the world to submerge your ego in the group or submerge your ego in the conversation,” Johnson says. It’s necessary to be able to admit when you’re wrong and to not take it personally when a potential mentee doesn’t quite click. “It was very, very difficult for me to adjust to selling my services as an individual coach because there was too much attachment to my ego, and I took ‘no’s’ really hard,” Graves admits. Fortunately, he found that letting go of his ego became easier over time — and his roster flourished. 3. Thinking you know it all “Coaching is all about not knowing. It’s about curiosity and questions,” Graves says. A good coach should go into every conversation open to the possibility of learning something new. Listening — carefully and consistently — is essential to good executive coaching. A coach who thinks they already have all the answers is usually not a great listener. Though it is a mentor’s job to draw on lived experience and offer hard-earned wisdom, a mentee will just as often have a fresh perspective to share. “To me, coaching and mentoring is a continuum that has no beginning and no end,” Stowe says. “It’s just a constant relationship.” One that requires humility, openness, and no small amount of mutualism to thrive. 4. Failing to be flexible When juggling numerous mentees, it can be tempting for an overwhelmed coach to approach each meeting with a formulaic structure. Too much structure, however, can bar coaches from getting to the heart of the matter. Instead, coaches must go with the flow of the conversation and tailor their approach from person to person. The individualized nature of executive coaching discussions means that one size does not fit all. “Ultimately, you want them to grow and do the work and figure it out for themselves,” Johnson says. Sometimes, Stowe explains, flexibility means being willing to go the extra mile. Offer comfort during personal hardships; cancel another meeting and stay on the call a little while longer; don’t cut a productive conversation short. In a career centered around relationships, executive coaches who cannot adapt to the unique needs of each mentee will often find themselves struggling to keep their clients. 5. Holding back At the heart of the coach-client relationship is honesty. It’s important to never compromise that. For some coaches, the urge to be the nice guy can cause them to avoid raising tough truths that need to be discussed. That’s a mistake. “You can’t sugarcoat anything,” Johnson says. “If it’s going to be a difficult conversation, it’s always good to start with, ‘I think both of us is going to find this a bit difficult.’” Sometimes a coach must sit with an uncomfortable silence or ask the same question twice. Effective coaching involves holding clients accountable. Both sides, therefore, must speak frankly without ulterior motives. For most executives, getting the unvarnished picture is a rarity — and not something a quality coach shies away from. “That’s what they’re paying for,” Stowe says. “They’re paying me to tell them what they need to hear — not what they want to hear.” By avoiding these mistakes, executive coaches can make a smoother transition from the C-suite to their new careers.