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How Your Loneliness Makes You Miserable; How I Am Dealing With My Worst Fear🙄👉

One of my worst fears is to be left alone, to have no one to talk to and to have no one to share my feelings with whenever I want. And I am living that fear. My college life was quite great. More or less like what we see in F.R.I.E.N.D.S. And anyone who has tasted the joy of love and friendship can never imagine a life where they don’t have any friends to make fun of each other, laugh at dirty jokes or just complain about life. When my college life ended (1.5 years ago), I was not sad because I thought distance cannot come between true friendship. This is what social media gurus say, right? The initial few months were great. My friends and I used to connect every now and then to gossip about our college, remember the stupid things we used to do, and share our general life updates. It was going well until after a few months, every one of us got busy with our work. And even when we tried to take out time to have a call, we somehow ran out of topics to talk about. Our lives, profession, and environment were now different and so were our priorities. It was in those moments that loneliness started hitting me. Not only my college friends slipped away from my hands but I didn’t have any friends at all now. I mean I have friends-type people in my life but not friends who feel like family. Not the friends who you can talk to without any mission or motive behind it.

Being a content creator, I come across a lot of people but I know in the end that they and I are in touch with each other for the sake of networking. After college, I believe you don’t make friends. You just network. You just try to be nice to people so you are not left behind. And I know even though I have said that loneliness and being alone are two different things and I still stand by my words. Yet what I have come to realize is that your heart misses people who made you feel at home just by their presence. Their stupid jokes, their gentle touch, their inspiring words, and their hidden care and love. It all makes you feel miss them. Missing the people who you cannot be with anymore. And realizing that you wouldn’t be able to meet the people who were home to you creates loneliness. In my case, I am not longing for people. I don’t want friends. I want the same stupid people with whom I used to spend time as if there is no tomorrow or nothing to chase. Knowing that I can never do any of it anymore is what makes me feel lonely. That’s the biggest fear of my life which I am living at this moment. So, I guess I am quite eligible to tell you what I do to deal with loneliness and not let my loneliness make me miserable.

1. When You Need To Talk To Someone: I was walking on my terrace yesterday after dinner when I felt the sudden itch to talk to someone. I am actually working on an exciting project these days but I wanted someone to ask me about the details of how I am feeling, what the project is going to be, and things like that. Just someone who can make me feel heard and important. And although this is basic human nature to have the need to be heard. The same nature if not controlled can go against us. If I wanted, I could have called any of my college friends but I knew that now they are not really interested in knowing my life’s update. They have got their own problems, and new friends, and my project is nothing of their interest so even if I call them, they will listen to me but not willingly. And that would hurt my feelings. And their ignorance might have made me question that ‘maybe this project isn’t quite interesting’ This is exactly what happens with most people. When people cannot deal with their loneliness, they call or message people who don’t want them in their life. And when you don’t feel welcomed, you feel disheartened and start questioning your own worth. I believe that is why people keep going back to their toxic ex or friends. Because they don’t want to be alone. They just cannot deal with the darkness of loneliness. They want all the happy memories to be back as present moments.

I have lived that urge at least once a week. I know how hard it is to control yourself to not fall for people who don’t want you. I know how it feels to know that no one is missing you so deal with it. But what I do know is that when you want to talk to someone bad enough, talk to the Universe/your guardian angel/God and if you don’t believe in any of it then talk to yourself. It might sound a little dramatic but last night when I started talking to myself about the project I am working on, I not felt excited but also came up with so many ideas. I felt as if I and my God is having a chat where I am telling him what I have in mind. I didn’t feel judged or unwanted. I felt I am connecting to something bigger. I would highly recommend you try talking to the Universe. I read in a book once that we all have our personal guardian angel who is always with us (when you are reading this article), always seeing us. So whenever you feel lonely, know that someone is always with you. Someone is more magical, beautiful, and divine than you can imagine. So find shelter in the arms of your guardian angel rather than going for people who don’t want you.

2. Know Your Behavior: If I ask you, why you feel lonely, what would be your answer? Or how loneliness makes you miserable, what would you say? You don’t have an answer because you have just bought this idea that — if I don’t have anyone then I am lonely and miserable and unwanted and unloved. This is the definition of loneliness fed to you. I believe loneliness hurts but in different ways. It’s your feelings, not a math formula that is fixed for all. For example; Just as I shared, I feel lonely because I miss my college friends not because I don’t have enough people in my life. Now, what does that hurt me or make me miserable? It makes me want to message them or call them when I know they are busy with their lives and even if I call or they call, we wouldn’t have anything to talk about. Knowing this truth about myself helps me to find a solution or at least not feel pity for myself.

Similarly, you need to find out WHY DO YOU FEEL LONELY? (because some people feel lonely even when they are surrounded by a bunch of people hence, it is different for all. You need to know your reason) And HOW DOES IT MAKE YOU MISERABLE? If you don’t analyze your behavior, you will just buy some stupid definition of loneliness then you will start feeling sorry for yourself as if the entire world is happy except you. That will create more self-doubts in your head. Your mind will force you to conclude that something is wrong with you and that you have always been lonely. Which is absolute bullshit. People love you and you are not lonely always. Loneliness is a sudden wave that touches everyone but people who don’t know their truth often drown in the darkness. So, I would suggest that the next time you feel lonely, instead of feeling sorry for yourself, try to travel inwards. Try to understand your behavior, which will help you feel lonely like any other emotion.

3. Make Yourself Proud: Just as I shared that loneliness often makes us miserable as it snatches away our power to feel love and happiness. Right? Well, in that case, you need to play smarter by doing the opposite. Whenever I feel lonely, I start working on something that I have been ignoring for quite a while. It keeps me occupied, and when the work is done, I feel proud of myself. It could be as simple as going back to an old hobby like drawing or working on a project that you planned about a year ago. Even a small action will make you realize ‘how amazing it feels to be with yourself, do the things that matter to you, and most of all you create a proof for your brain that you can be happy even when you are alone’👉

For example; For the past few months, I have been all alone so I started self-examination, reading books, drawing, and decorating my room now and then. Just to try different things that I always wanted. And every time I do something for myself instead of wishing to be with people, I feel insanely happy and proud of myself. Proud that I didn’t wait for long enough to let my loneliness absorb me. I would suggest you do the same as well. Realize that you cannot get rid of loneliness because you will miss people and memories but feeling sorry for yourself shouldn’t be an option. You are allowed to feel your emotions but don’t let them define you. Before your loneliness starts creating a home inside you, you better get up and do something that makes you happy or something that you have been putting off for a long. It is time to swap your feelings.

Conclusion: Some people feel lonely because they never had any friends or partners or anyone at all to be with them. But whatever the case might be, you are still a complete human. You are not on this earth to feel sorry for yourself or to cry for people who don’t want you. I hope this article helps you in dealing with loneliness and coping with the fact that growing up wasn’t fun after all.