Book Summary (Get out of Your Head)

The mind is one of those things that we overlook until we think about it. It is similar to breathing or blinking; we usually don't notice how our subconscious influences us until we try to understand it. The mind creates thought patterns that we circulate within us. Unfortunately, its fascinating neurotransmissions lead us toward toxicity. After all, life is tough. Sometimes, can't help but sink into a marsh of negativity. Some people find closure in religion or mindfulness. On the other hand, very few share the pleasure of enlightenment. Most of us are paralyzed by fear. Those who do not seek outside help often drown in cynicism and apathy. With every step into this swamp, they take their failures for granted, overlooking their initial choice. Eventually, negativity results from their decision, often disguised as inertia.

Our thoughts shape us subconsciously; even if fleeting and meaningless, the weight of our thoughts can be grand. However, what is genuinely nonsensical is that every random thought influences our routines and relationships. We all suffer from the allure of rummaging for our phones first thing in the morning. This lousy habit plagues the entire generation and has many far-reaching consequences. Following celebrities or even former classmates and getting updates when they succeed provides us with a distorted view of their reality, clouding our mood and self-perception. Social media creates groundless doubts often reflected in low self-esteem, suspicions, and a lack of trust toward the closest people that can undermine life plans. As a result, we stumble into conflicts that may not have needed to happen at all. Social media is not the only place that fosters negative thoughts. It is no wonder the most significant battle for our generation is the battle for the mind. The flock of thoughts that invades our psyche daily is at least thirty thousand ideas, so the fight is challenging. These thoughts also shape how we think and how we live. Whenever an idea pops into our minds, emotions trigger it. For example, refined celebrity photos often spark frustration, disappointment, and dissatisfaction with our achievements. Worries like "They don't love me," "I am a bad parent," or "They will never take me seriously" are experienced by most, if not everyone, who can imagine these words in their voice as well. Next, ideas govern our decisions, which are already distorted by our emotions. If they repeat, ill-made decisions shape our behavior, influencing our relationships. The more negative every spiral is, the more detrimental the consequences are for the person and people around them. We can spiral into toxicity in three ways: • Jumping into it. • Slipping into it accidentally. • Getting thrown into it. Toxic thinking is dangerous as it creates an alternative reality, where we force ourselves to believe the negative ideas we spiral into. Eventually, they exhaust us mentally and sow doubt.

Emotions are the root of toxic spiraling. Our daily worries, work, finances, failures, pain, or low self-esteem trigger negative emotions. Thoughts like "T'll never be good enough for my partner," "No one will love me," or "I'll never be successful" often lead to destructive actions. We dull our pain, ignore our fear, or pretend to be happy not to trouble friends and family because we feel unworthy of help. In other words, we grow thick skin. However, we do not cope with negative thoughts through alienation or faking. In fact, it's the opposite; we succumb to the harmful cycle when we avoid triggers, which constrict our capacity for action instead of reclaiming it. Researchers argue that 70 percent of the emotions we have are negative. These statistics reveal a growing social issue and the reality that constant stress has become normal for most people. One way to handle the problem is by capturing harmful thoughts. Daniel Siegel, a clinical professor of psychiatry, states that our brain develops neural connections on subjects that receive the most attention. Later, it creates behaviors and habits that shape our personality. We must redirect our attention to more healthy subjects to interrupt negative thinking. However, that means putting intention and perseverance into work. In essence, we need to establish a new normal. The Mental Story Map is a helpful exercise to trace the thread of negative emotion. Write down which emotion you're experiencing the most: anxiety, anger, frustration, content, or peace. Put that feeling in a circle at the center. Around this circle, add all the things that feed this feeling, such as work, financial problems, relationships, and self-love. Then, describe ways they contribute to how you feel. This exercise can help clear the mind and examine the emotion's cause. Take a closer look. What uncontrollable things do you worry about? Are you fixated on what you don't have? Are you ashamed? How often do these things trigger this particular emotion? Asking such questions helps identify toxic ideas and prepare for their further elimination.

Our thoughts shape our lives. It is why we are responsible for the way we think. However, we are both the sculptor and the marble, which makes this duty painful. At times, this burden hurts us to the point of self-sabotage, forcing us to betray ourselves. However, we are conscious creatures who have the gift of choice. It is our birthright as children of God. The lures of modern society, such as consumerism, social media, and over-indulgence, feed the frustration within us. And most importantly, we find it difficult to speak the truth as we are afraid to offend others. The latter is the controversial fruit of Cancel culture. Christians believe that Jesus's sacrifice annulled every sin and struggle. In other words, we can enter the battle with the winner's mindset. So often, our jobs, relationships, and routines create the noise we live in. Meditation and prayer can bring silence we can't find on a regular day. However, the discipline they require is a challenge. Our fears are the main hardship on the way to stillness. We are afraid of: • Facing ourselves. • Taking responsibility. • Releasing the pain that we feed off of. • Finding ourselves alone. We seek distraction from any negativity because of distress. We pile up hobbies, shopping, and social outings, damaging our relationships. As a result, we become more insecure and lonely. Neurotheology, the emerging discipline that studies connections between brain activity and religion, has identified the positives of practicing mindfulness: • The minds of those who pray and meditate regularly preserve are clearer. • Meditation increases alpha waves, or relaxed brain waves, which reduce depression and anxiety. One of our most unhealthy thought patterns is linking negative emotions to a reason. For example, "I'm anxious because I took responsibility I can't handle." The solution is absent. To capture this negative spiraling, we can think," I'm anxious because of too much responsibility, so I will turn to my colleagues for help." It is a simplistic example, but it highlights the importance of action. And the way to allow ourselves to ask for help is through mindfulness.

A wholesome person is healthy physically and mentally. But most people fail to balance themselves on these scales, which is why we discuss anxiety, loneliness, and insecurity so often. Anxiety is a life-saving mechanism that activates as a response to danger. However, it can be set off at the wrong time, causing negative emotional spiraling. What follows is inflated doubt and anguish. For example, questions like "What if I fail at this new job?", "What if I'm not good enough for my partner?" or "What if I said too much yesterday?" cause unreasonable anxiety. We often stay alone with our toxic thoughts, defenseless and scared. When anxiety and shame trap us in isolation, we don't seek help. Embarrassed by our overreaction, we allow thoughts like "If they knew me, they'd want nothing to do with me" or "Why bother others with my problems" to alienate us from our friends and family. Conversely, we claim we can manage our hurdles as an act of toxic optimism. In other words, we are afraid of being vulnerable and judged. Falling into self-criticism, often exaggerated, we feed our insecurity. However, the cure hides in our biggest fear: other people. People are social creatures who flourish in the community. The growing popularity of group therapy endorses this idea. For the same reason, engagement in a strong social network is significant. Our lack of control is scary when we join social activities. Social interaction feels like risk-taking, and we want to avoid it at all costs. We must accept the fear and stick out our necks. Safe exposure includes four steps: • Seek the company of wholesome individuals. Stick to people who are comfortable with their weaknesses AND strengths. Also, search for good listeners and empaths. • Try asking for help, advice, and time. In most cases, others are as nervous as you are. • Say yes to as many occasions as possible. • Reveal your quirks right away. Pretending to be someone you're not will attract the wrong people.

Cynics are born when reality hits their dreams like a wrecking ball. By the end of the day, they grow a hard shell to avoid the same mistake at all costs. This way, they hope to prevent fear and anxiety. However, they also fool themselves into fake confidence. Our fears also fuel pessimism. The fear of interrupted joy is a great example. Cynics adopt disappointment because they don't want to lose happiness. In fact, they are terrified when it ends. We cannot help but infuse our worries into our social surroundings. For cynics, it means seeking prejudice and frustration, and the space around them starts to follow the request. But on the negative side, they forget how to think or see positively. As a result, cynics overlook big opportunities and good intentions. Anger and fear often make pessimists feel better than others. It is a coping mechanism that causes self-protection. The final result is mutual neglect between cynics and others. Alone, pessimists feel even more ignored. However, they deny outside influence, including relationships. In other words, cynics boycott all personal affection. The cycle then repeats itself. Young people are prone to sarcasm and pessimism today. One reason is pop culture; lately, it promotes extra focus on the self. Some modern lifestyles inspire egoism as healthy. However, it can be tricky. For cynics, others are less wise and talented l, so they rely on themselves. On the other hand, it shows their poor understanding of others' skills. In this case, humility is a good tool against cynicism. We are not perfect, and there's no need. It is the beauty of humility. There are, however, pros that we often seem to overlook. • Humility permits us to disappoint and make mistakes. The latter reminds us we're simply human. • Modesty lets us see others' problems, which helps us treat them with more sympathy. We also only dramatize our problems when they are critical. • Humility increases our appreciation of others' opinions. In particular, we respect the person's need to decide independently.

We are afraid when we are insecure; it is a simple truth. Taught to be cynical and dissatisfied with our lives, we embrace victimhood. We stagnate and suffer alone, ultimately abandoning our ability to choose. In this case, it is a choice between gratitude and cynicism. Victimhood means obeying the circumstances. Self-pity feeds the thought that we have been cheated, so we resort to complaints and blame others. As a consequence, we live in misery and stop evolving. Complacency is a logical outcome of stagnation. We agree to stay mediocre, and it becomes our routine. However, we blame circumstances for our idleness. By our logic, there is nothing to be grateful for, especially our conditions. However, gratitude can transform "unfortunate" circumstances into opportunities. We can start with something to be thankful for each time we feel self-pity. For example, small acts of service to our colleagues can brighten a difficult day. We can also change our relationship with our family. Spending time together is an excellent opportunity to do it. On the contrary, we can put more value into the help that others offer. These are simple but recognizable examples. They say: "Giving is a bigger blessing than receiving," and believe it or not, it is true. Serving rather than being served puts us in an active position. This way, we can avoid stagnation and complacency. When we serve others and meet gratitude in response, dopamine increases. Gratitude has other scientifically proven advantages, such as: • Enhancing relationships. • Boosting physical and mental wellbeing. • Strengthening empathy and self-esteem. • Promoting better sleep. Genuine gratitude often grows from awful experiences. Simply put, we discover justice when we face injustice, just as we define ill will after seeing mercy. Both extremes must be big enough for us to find a clear gap between them. Sure, appreciating trauma is difficult, but we need the pain to value the blessing. Did you know? Women seek professional therapy more often than men. Scientifically, women have better social networks to confide in, such as family and friends.

Conclusion Spirituality and psychology seem like total opposites. Skeptics criticize the church for invasive chants and sermons. Meanwhile, the devotees camp criticizes therapy, dubbing it as a help for the weak. Ironically, both disciplines may be the two sides of the same coin. In other words, they speak the same truth but in different terms. Our thoughts can be powerful manipulators if we let them. Negative thinking can easily seize our minds. For instance, social media often portrays ordinary, real-life moments, but our brains compel us to perceive them through the Instagram filter. Our judgments are influenced by toxic external images, leading us to mimic those lifestyles. Negative emotions are the drivers of toxic spirals. It takes effort to notice and recognize them alone; furthermore, it is difficult to face ourselves. As a result, helpful practices like meditation or prayer pass us by. Another fear we often harbor is the fear of getting hurt.After distressing experiences, some individuals withdraw from society. But we are social creatures, and complacency can harm our growth. Humility frees us of expectations and, thus, the fear of critique. In addition to it, we can finally embrace our imperfections and seek nothing more than self-sufficiency. Taking one step at a time like this increases the chances of achieving our highest potential. After all, we are truly free when we stop trying to grasp stars from the sky and start appreciating the treasures we have around us.