📕𝘾𝙃4:(🐛𝙏𝙃𝙀15 𝙑Æ𝙇𝙐𝘼𝙉𝙇𝙀 𝙇𝘼𝙒 𝙤𝙛

𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝟏𝟓. 𝐈𝐍𝐕𝐀𝐋𝐔𝐀𝐁𝐋𝐄 𝐋𝐀𝐖𝐒 𝐎𝐅 𝐆𝐑𝐎𝐖𝐓𝐇 “LIVE THEM AND REACH YOUR POTENTIAL” - JOHN C. MAXWELL- 𝐶𝐻𝐴𝑃𝑇𝐸𝑅 𝟺: 𝑻𝑯𝑬 𝑳𝑨𝑾 𝑶𝑭 𝑹𝑬𝑭𝑳𝑬𝑪𝑻𝑰𝑶𝑵 - 𝙻𝚎𝚊𝚛𝚗𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚝𝚘 𝙿𝚊𝚞𝚜𝚎 𝙰𝚕𝚕𝚘𝚠𝚜 𝙶𝚛𝚘𝚠𝚝𝚑 𝚝𝚘 𝙲𝚊𝚝𝚌𝚑 𝚄𝚙 𝚠𝚒𝚝𝚑 𝚈𝚘𝚞 “𝐹𝑜𝑙𝑙𝑜𝑤 𝑒𝑓𝑓𝑒𝑐𝑡𝑖𝑣𝑒 𝑎𝑐𝑡𝑖𝑜𝑛 𝑤𝑖𝑡ℎ 𝑞𝑢𝑖𝑒𝑡 𝑟𝑒𝑓𝑙𝑒𝑐𝑡𝑖𝑜𝑛. 𝐹𝑟𝑜𝑚 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑞𝑢𝑖𝑒𝑡 𝑟𝑒𝑓𝑙𝑒𝑐𝑡𝑖𝑜𝑛 𝑤𝑖𝑙𝑙 𝑐𝑜𝑚𝑒 𝑒𝑣𝑒𝑛 𝑚𝑜𝑟𝑒 𝑒𝑓𝑓𝑒𝑐𝑡𝑖𝑣𝑒 𝑎𝑐𝑡𝑖𝑜𝑛.”—𝑃𝐸𝑇𝐸𝑅 𝐹. 𝐷𝑅𝑈𝐶𝐾𝐸𝑅 There are many different ways of growing and an infinite number of lessons to be learned in life. But there are some kinds of growth that come to us only if we are willing to stop, pause, and allow the lesson to catch up with us. I experienced one of those in March of 2011. 𝗔 𝗖𝗵𝗮𝗻𝗴𝗲 𝗶𝗻 𝗣𝗮𝗿𝗮𝗱𝗶𝗴𝗺. I was traveling on an extended speaking trip, and I landed in Kiev, Ukraine, on one of my stops. While I was there, I was scheduled to speak three times to a group of about five thousand businesspeople. I had been to Kiev several times before and enjoyed both the place and the people. About an hour before the first scheduled event, I met my Ukrainian translator. We chatted awhile so we could get to know each other. A few minutes into our conversation, he said, “I’ve read several of your books. You say that you want to add value to people, but that’s not easy here. People don’t trust leaders. And with good reason: Leaders don’t add value to others here.” Then he added, “I sure hope you can help them.” His words left quite an impression on me. And what he told me prompted me to recall conversations with my good friend Jim Dornan, the leader of Network 21, an organization that works in many of the countries that were once behind the Iron Curtain. Jim had told me that in any country where the government was crooked and the leaders were crooked and selfish, being able to circumvent authority and working the system were seen as virtues. Because I still had a little time before I had to speak, I went to the greenroom so I could pause and reflect on what I had just learned. I was feeling emotional, and I wanted to take time to let my thinking catch up to my feelings. So I started to ask myself some questions: How was I feeling? The answer was sad. Living under Communist rule for generations had beaten people down, discouraged them, and made them cynical. It’s hard get ahead when you have little hope. What could I do? I could show them my heart. For some of these people, perhaps no leader had ever told them he cared about them and wanted them to succeed. How could I do that? I could let them know that I knew what their situation was and felt for them. I could tell them that I would be just like them if I had grown up in that environment, but that there is a higher road for a leader, one where leaders add value to others. I could help them understand that even if they had never been valued by their leaders, they could become leaders who added value to others. They could become change agents for the future success of their country and themselves. I then took a moment and prayed, asking God to help me deliver that message with clarity and integrity. I didn’t completely abandon what I planned to speak about that day, but I sure modified it for and tailored it to my audience. And one of the first things I said— which I repeated often that first day—was, “My name is John, and I’m your friend.” I said it sincerely. And I also used it to help soften some hard but humorous truths I was delivering. At first they weren’t sure how to react to that statement. After a while, they started to anticipate it. By the end of the day, when I said it, they knew a zinger was coming and they’d laugh in anticipation. And the next day when I came in and prepared to speak, my translator said that everyone was saying the phrase to one another. That’s when I realized that they understood that I was cheering them on and really wanted to help them. It’s never enough for me to just show up and give a good speech when I’ve been invited to an event. Every time I speak, I want to do two things: add value to the people I talk to and exceed the expectations of the person who invited me. It’s likely I would have failed on both counts on this trip if I hadn’t taken the time to pause, let the honest insights from my interpreter soak in, and change my agenda to match what my audience needed. ᴾ𓂃1

ᴾ𓂃2 𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗣𝗼𝘄𝗲𝗿 𝗼𝗳 𝗣𝗮𝘂𝘀𝗶𝗻𝗴. If you’re nearly as old as I am, you may remember an old slogan once used by Coca-Cola. They called Coke “the pause that refreshes.” That’s what reflection is to someone who desires to grow. Learning to pause allows growth to catch up with you. That’s the Law of Reflection. Here are my observations concerning the power of the pause and how reflection can help you to grow: 𝐓𝐢𝐩𝐬 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐩𝐨𝐰𝐞𝐫 𝐨𝐟 𝐩𝐚𝐮𝐬𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐨 𝐡𝐞𝐥𝐩 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐠𝐫𝐨𝐰: 𝙏𝙞𝙥𝙨 𝟭: 𝙍𝙚𝙛𝙡𝙚𝙘𝙩𝙞𝙤𝙣 𝙏𝙪𝙧𝙣𝙨 𝙀𝙭𝙥𝙚𝙧𝙞𝙚𝙣𝙘𝙚 𝙞𝙣𝙩𝙤 𝙄𝙣𝙨𝙞𝙜𝙝𝙩. 𝙏𝙞𝙥𝙨 𝟮: 𝙀𝙫𝙚𝙧𝙮𝙤𝙣𝙚 𝙉𝙚𝙚𝙙𝙨 𝙖 𝙏𝙞𝙢𝙚 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙖 𝙋𝙡𝙖𝙘𝙚 𝙩𝙤 𝙋𝙖𝙪𝙨𝙚. 𝙏𝙞𝙥𝙨 𝟯: 𝙋𝙖𝙪𝙨𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙬𝙞𝙩𝙝 𝙄𝙣𝙩𝙚𝙣𝙩𝙞𝙤𝙣 𝙀𝙭𝙥𝙖𝙣𝙙𝙨 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙀𝙣𝙧𝙞𝙘𝙝𝙚𝙨 𝙏𝙝𝙞𝙣𝙠𝙞𝙣𝙜. 𝙏𝙞𝙥𝙨 𝟰: 𝙒𝙝𝙚𝙣 𝙔𝙤𝙪 𝙏𝙖𝙠𝙚 𝙏𝙞𝙢𝙚 𝙩𝙤 𝙋𝙖𝙪𝙨𝙚, 𝙐𝙨𝙚 𝙔𝙤𝙪𝙧 𝙄’𝙨. 𝙏𝙞𝙥𝙨 𝟭: 𝙍𝙚𝙛𝙡𝙚𝙘𝙩𝙞𝙤𝙣 𝙏𝙪𝙧𝙣𝙨 𝙀𝙭𝙥𝙚𝙧𝙞𝙚𝙣𝙘𝙚 𝙞𝙣𝙩𝙤 𝙄𝙣𝙨𝙞𝙜𝙝𝙩. For over two thousand years, people have been saying that experience is the best teacher. According to one expert, the earliest recorded version of this saying came from Roman emperor Julius Caesar, who wrote, “Experience is the teacher of all things,” in De Bello Civili.1 With all due respect, I have to disagree with that statement. Experience is not the best teacher. Evaluated experience is! The only reason Caesar was able to make that claim was because he had learned much by reflecting on his life and writing about it. There’s an old joke that experience is a hard teacher because the test is given first and the lesson is given afterward. That’s true, but only if the person takes time to reflect after the experience. Otherwise, you receive the test first and the lesson may never come. People have innumerable experiences every day, and many learn nothing from them because they never take the time to pause and reflect. That’s why it is so important to pause and let understanding catch up with us. I once heard that at the turn of the century there was a buggy whip factory that had made major improvements in their manufacturing process. They made the best-quality whips, and they were continuing to improve them. No other manufacturer in the industry compared. There was just one problem. They were working at a time when the automobile was being introduced. And it wasn’t long before the entire nation would change to the horseless carriage. The company soon went out of business. I can’t help wondering what the outcome might have been if the leaders of the company had taken the time to pause, understand what their experience was trying to teach them, and make changes in the course they were on. 𝙏𝙞𝙥𝙨 𝟮: 𝙀𝙫𝙚𝙧𝙮𝙤𝙣𝙚 𝙉𝙚𝙚𝙙𝙨 𝙖 𝙏𝙞𝙢𝙚 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙖 𝙋𝙡𝙖𝙘𝙚 𝙩𝙤 𝙋𝙖𝙪𝙨𝙚. I have yet to meet a person who doesn’t benefit from pausing and reflecting. In fact, stopping to reflect is one of the most valuable activities people can do to grow. It has much greater value to them than even motivation or encouragement. Why? Because pausing allows them to make sure they are on the right track. After all, if someone is going down the wrong road, he doesn’t need motivation to speed up. He needs to stop, reflect, and change course. In my book Thinking for a Change, I encourage people to identify or create a thinking place. Did I do that because there is some magic in having a designated place to pause and think? No. I did it because if you go to the trouble to create a place to pause and think and you schedule the time to go there, you will probably actually use it. And you will benefit from it. Most people are pretty busy. There are a lot of demands on them, and they rush from place to place trying to get things done. Along the way, they have certain experiences that are life markers. They go to a place or are part of an event or meet a person that in some way marks them for life because something important happened. Often these markers identify for them a time of transition, change, or transformation. If we don’t take the time to pause and reflect, we can miss the significance of such events. Reflection allows those experiences to move from being life markers to life makers. If we pause to allow growth to catch up with us, it makes our lives better, because we not only better understand the significance of what we’ve experienced, but we can implement changes and course corrections as a result. We are also better equipped to teach others from the wisdom we have gained. 𝙏𝙞𝙥𝙨 𝟯: 𝙋𝙖𝙪𝙨𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙬𝙞𝙩𝙝 𝙄𝙣𝙩𝙚𝙣𝙩𝙞𝙤𝙣 𝙀𝙭𝙥𝙖𝙣𝙙𝙨 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙀𝙣𝙧𝙞𝙘𝙝𝙚𝙨 𝙏𝙝𝙞𝙣𝙠𝙞𝙣𝙜. Study the lives of the great people who have made an impact on the world, and you will find that in virtually every case, they spent a considerable amount of time alone thinking. Every significant religious leader in history spent time in solitude. Every political leader who had an impact on history practiced the discipline of solitude to think and plan. Great artists spend countless hours in their studios or with their instruments not just doing, but exploring their ideas and experiences. Most leading universities give their faculty time not only to teach, but to think, research, and write. Time alone allows people to sort through their experience, put it into perspective, and plan for the future. If you are a leader, you can probably take the normal busyness of life and multiply it by ten. Leaders are so action oriented and have so many responsibilities that they are often guilty of moving all the time and neglecting to stop and take time to think. Yet this is one of the most important things leaders can do. A minute of thought is worth more than an hour of talk. I strongly encourage you to find a place to think and to discipline yourself to pause and use it, because it has the potential to change your life. It can help you to figure out what’s really important and what isn’t. As writer and Catholic priest Henri J. M. Nouwen observed, “When you are able to create a lonely place in the middle of your actions and concerns, your successes and failures slowly can lose some of their power over you.” “𝑊ℎ𝑒𝑛 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑎𝑟𝑒 𝑎𝑏𝑙𝑒 𝑡𝑜 𝑐𝑟𝑒𝑎𝑡𝑒 𝑎 𝑙𝑜𝑛𝑒𝑙𝑦 𝑝𝑙𝑎𝑐𝑒 𝑖𝑛 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑚𝑖𝑑𝑑𝑙𝑒 𝑜𝑓 𝑦𝑜𝑢𝑟 𝑎𝑐𝑡𝑖𝑜𝑛𝑠 𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝑐𝑜𝑛𝑐𝑒𝑟𝑛𝑠, 𝑦𝑜𝑢𝑟 𝑠𝑢𝑐𝑐𝑒𝑠𝑠𝑒𝑠 𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝑓𝑎𝑖𝑙𝑢𝑟𝑒𝑠 𝑠𝑙𝑜𝑤𝑙𝑦 𝑐𝑎𝑛 𝑙𝑜𝑠𝑒 𝑠𝑜𝑚𝑒 𝑜𝑓 𝑡ℎ𝑒𝑖𝑟 𝑝𝑜𝑤𝑒𝑟 𝑜𝑣𝑒𝑟 𝑦𝑜𝑢.”—𝐻𝑒𝑛𝑟𝑖 𝐽. 𝑀. 𝑁𝑜𝑢𝑤𝑒𝑛 ᴾ𓂃2

ᴾ𓂃3 𝙏𝙞𝙥𝙨 𝟰: 𝙒𝙝𝙚𝙣 𝙔𝙤𝙪 𝙏𝙖𝙠𝙚 𝙏𝙞𝙢𝙚 𝙩𝙤 𝙋𝙖𝙪𝙨𝙚, 𝙐𝙨𝙚 𝙔𝙤𝙪𝙧 𝙄’𝙨. When you take the time to pause and reflect, there are really four basic directions your thinking should go: 1.𝐈𝐍𝐕𝐄𝐒𝐓𝐈𝐆𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍 2. 𝐈𝐍𝐂𝐔𝐁𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍 3. 𝐈𝐋𝐋𝐔𝐌𝐈𝐍𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍 4.𝐈𝐋𝐋𝐔𝐒𝐓𝐑𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍 1.𝐈𝐍𝐕𝐄𝐒𝐓𝐈𝐆𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍 There’s a corny old joke about two guys who have been given the job of cleaning out a stable. They’re up to their ankles in horse manure, and one says to the other, “There must be a horse around here somewhere.” Some things are obvious and don’t require reflection to figure them out. Others require a person to play detective. The great scientist Galileo said, “All truths are easy to understand once they are discovered. The point is to discover them. That takes investigation.” Pausing means more than just slowing down to smell the roses. It means stopping and really figuring them out. That generally requires a person to ask questions, which I’ll discuss in the next section of this chapter. The thing to remember is that continual growth from experiences is only possible when we discover insights and truths within them. That comes from investigation. 2.𝐈𝐍𝐂𝐔𝐁𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍 Incubation is taking an experience of life and putting it into the slow cooker of your mind to simmer for a while. It is very similar to meditation. It’s like the “flip side” of prayer. When I pray, I talk to God. When I meditate, I listen to him. Incubation is listening and learning. I am continually putting quotes and ideas in my mental Crock-Pot to let them incubate. These days I do that by putting them in the Notes app of my iPhone. I keep them there for days, weeks, or months and look at them often to reflect on them. Here are some of the quotes I’m currently thinking about: “If you’re not at the table you’re on the menu.” “You don’t wait or rush yourself out of a crisis. You work yourself out.” “The mark of an effective leader is one who absorbs the punishment without surrendering his soul.” I give ideas as long as they need until I discover an insight or experience the next “I,” which is… 𝟑.𝐈𝐋𝐋𝐔𝐌𝐈𝐍𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍 Jim Rohn remarked, “At the end of each day, you should play back the tapes of your performance. The results should either applaud you or prod you.” What he’s talking about is illumination. These are the “aha” moments in your life, the epiphanies when you experience sudden realization or insight. It’s when the proverbial lightbulb turns on. Few things in life are more rewarding than such moments. “𝐴𝑡 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑒𝑛𝑑 𝑜𝑓 𝑒𝑎𝑐ℎ 𝑑𝑎𝑦, 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑠ℎ𝑜𝑢𝑙𝑑 𝑝𝑙𝑎𝑦 𝑏𝑎𝑐𝑘 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑡𝑎𝑝𝑒𝑠 𝑜𝑓 𝑦𝑜𝑢𝑟 𝑝𝑒𝑟𝑓𝑜𝑟𝑚𝑎𝑛𝑐𝑒. 𝑇ℎ𝑒 𝑟𝑒𝑠𝑢𝑙𝑡𝑠 𝑠ℎ𝑜𝑢𝑙𝑑 𝑒𝑖𝑡ℎ𝑒𝑟 𝑎𝑝𝑝𝑙𝑎𝑢𝑑 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑜𝑟 𝑝𝑟𝑜𝑑 𝑦𝑜𝑢.”—𝐽𝑖𝑚 𝑅𝑜ℎ𝑛 I find that I experience moments of illumination only after I spend time investigating an idea and then allowing it to incubate for a period of time. But such moments are the reward for committing time and effort to pausing and reflecting. 4.𝐈𝐋𝐋𝐔𝐒𝐓𝐑𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍 Most good ideas are like skeletons. They provide good structure, but they need meat on their bones. They lack substance, and until they have it, they aren’t that useful. What would a speech be without good illustrations? A flat outline. What would a book be without fleshed-out ideas, good stories, and insightful quotes? Boring. Illustrating is the process of putting flesh on ideas. Author and firefighter Peter M. Leschak believes, “All of us are watchers—of television, of time clocks, of traffic on the freeway—but few are observers. Everyone is looking, not many are seeing.” That isn’t true for people who find a place to reflect and who are intentional about pausing to allow learning to catch up with them. ᴾ𓂃3

ᴾ𓂃4 𝗚𝗼𝗼𝗱 𝗤𝘂𝗲𝘀𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝘀 𝗔𝗿𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗛𝗲𝗮𝗿𝘁 𝗼𝗳 𝗥𝗲𝗳𝗹𝗲𝗰𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻. Whenever I take time to pause and reflect, I begin by asking myself a question. Whenever I’m thinking and reflecting and I feel like I have hit a roadblock, I ask myself questions. If I’m trying to learn something new or delve deeper into an area so I can grow, I ask questions. I spend a lot of my life asking questions. But that’s a good thing. As author and speaker Anthony Robbins says, “Successful people ask better questions, and as a result, they get better answers.” “𝑆𝑢𝑐𝑐𝑒𝑠𝑠𝑓𝑢𝑙 𝑝𝑒𝑜𝑝𝑙𝑒 𝑎𝑠𝑘 𝑏𝑒𝑡𝑡𝑒𝑟 𝑞𝑢𝑒𝑠𝑡𝑖𝑜𝑛𝑠, 𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝑎𝑠 𝑎 𝑟𝑒𝑠𝑢𝑙𝑡, 𝑡ℎ𝑒𝑦 𝑔𝑒𝑡 𝑏𝑒𝑡𝑡𝑒𝑟 𝑎𝑛𝑠𝑤𝑒𝑟𝑠.” —𝐴𝑛𝑡ℎ𝑜𝑛𝑦 𝑅𝑜𝑏𝑏𝑖𝑛𝑠 I cannot overemphasize the importance of asking good questions when it comes to personal growth. If your questions are focused, they will stimulate creative thinking. Why? Because there is something about a well-worded question that often penetrates to the heart of the matter and triggers new ideas and insights. If your questions are honest, they will lead to solid convictions. If you ask quality questions, they will help you to create a high-quality life. Sir Francis Bacon—English philosopher, statesman, scientist, lawyer, jurist, author, and pioneer of the scientific method—asserted, “If a person will begin with certainties, he will end in doubts; but if he will be content to begin with doubts, he will end in certainties.” ᴾ𓂃4

ᴾ𓂃5 𝗣𝗲𝗿𝘀𝗼𝗻𝗮𝗹 𝗔𝘄𝗮𝗿𝗲𝗻𝗲𝘀𝘀 𝗤𝘂𝗲𝘀𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝘀 Teaching other people how to ask questions effectively can be a difficult challenge because the questions they ask usually must be tailored to the situation. So perhaps the best way to give you insight on this issue is to share with you a series of questions I’ve asked and answered to help me develop personal awareness. 𝟏. 𝐖𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐈𝐬 𝐌𝐲 𝐁𝐢𝐠𝐠𝐞𝐬𝐭 𝐀𝐬𝐬𝐞𝐭? I believe my greatest asset has always been my attitude. I first learned the value of a positive attitude from my father, Melvin Maxwell, who overcame his naturally pessimistic outlook by reading books by people like Norman Vincent Peale. My wife, Margaret, also has an uncommonly good attitude. Over the years, we have occasionally wondered why others seem to have so many more problems than we do. We’ve finally come to the conclusion that we don’t have fewer problems; we just don’t allow the problems we have to get us down or distract us from what we believe is important. What has answering this question done for me? It has not only encouraged me to continue to cultivate a positive attitude, but has also reminded me that one of the best things I can do for others is speak positively into their lives, let them know I believe in them, and encourage them in their journey. 𝟐. 𝐖𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐈𝐬 𝐌𝐲 𝐁𝐢𝐠𝐠𝐞𝐬𝐭 𝐋𝐢𝐚𝐛𝐢𝐥𝐢𝐭𝐲? Without a doubt, having unrealistic expectations is a major shortcoming in my life. Because I am naturally optimistic, I underestimate how much time, money, and effort most endeavors will require, and that can get me into trouble. What has answering this question done to help me grow? It has tempered my expectations toward others. Modifying my expectations to be more realistic has helped me to set up my team to succeed, rather than to fail. And it has also helped me to create more realistic goals for team members and the organizations they serve. 𝟑. 𝐖𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐈𝐬 𝐌𝐲 𝐇𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐞𝐬𝐭 𝐇𝐢𝐠𝐡? Without a doubt, my family is the source of the highest highs in my life. Margaret is my best friend. I cannot imagine life without her. And we are enjoying our favorite season of life now as grandparents. 𝟒. 𝐖𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐈𝐬 𝐌𝐲 𝐋𝐨𝐰𝐞𝐬𝐭 𝐋𝐨𝐰? Ironically, my lowest lows have also come as the result of family. Why? Because I love my family members so much, yet I have to let them make their own choices. That can be tough for someone with my personality. Years ago when my children were still teenagers, I was having a conversation with Ron Blue and Howie Hendricks, and I asked them, “When is this parenting thing over?” They told me it never ends. They were right. How has it helped me to grow, knowing that the best and worst of life is related to family? It has helped me to enjoy the times I have with my family and to stay out of my grown children’s decision making unless they ask for my advice. 𝟓. 𝐖𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐈𝐬 𝐌𝐲 𝐌𝐨𝐬𝐭 𝐖𝐨𝐫𝐭𝐡𝐰𝐡𝐢𝐥𝐞 𝐄𝐦𝐨𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧?? I don’t think there is a more worthwhile emotion than love. We live at our best when we love what we do, love our friends and family, even love our enemies. As a person of faith, I know this is the standard that God has set for me. It is also the desire of my heart. How does knowing this help me to grow? Love is a choice, and it often requires effort. So to love others as I would like to do, I must be intentional about it and choose to love people every day. 𝟔. 𝐖𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐈𝐬 𝐌𝐲 𝐋𝐞𝐚𝐬𝐭 𝐖𝐨𝐫𝐭𝐡𝐰𝐡𝐢𝐥𝐞 𝐄𝐦𝐨𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧? The least attractive emotion not only for me, but for any person, is self-pity. It is destructive and self-serving. In Earth & Altar, Eugene H. Peterson says, Pity is one of the noblest emotions available to human beings; self-pity is possibly the most ignoble. Pity is the capacity to enter into the pain of another in order to do something about it; self-pity is an incapacity, a crippling emotional disease that severely distorts our perception of reality. Pity discovers the need in others for love and healing and then fashions speech and action that bring strength; self-pity reduces the universe to a personal wound that is displayed as proof of significance. Pity is adrenaline for acts of mercy; self-pity is a narcotic that leaves its addicts wasted and derelict. Knowing the negative effects of self-pity reminds me to avoid it categorically. It cannot help me, and it will always harm me. 𝟕. 𝐖𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐈𝐬 𝐌𝐲 𝐁𝐞𝐬𝐭 𝐇𝐚𝐛𝐢𝐭? H. P. Liddon, chancellor of St. Paul’s in London in the 1800s, observed, “What we do on some great occasion will depend on what we are; and what we are will be the result of previous years of self-discipline.” I believe that a hundred percent. That is one of the reasons I work hard to follow through on daily disciplines. I believe a person’s secret of success is found in his daily agenda. “𝑊ℎ𝑎𝑡 𝑤𝑒 𝑑𝑜 𝑜𝑛 𝑠𝑜𝑚𝑒 𝑔𝑟𝑒𝑎𝑡 𝑜𝑐𝑐𝑎𝑠𝑖𝑜𝑛 𝑤𝑖𝑙𝑙 𝑑𝑒𝑝𝑒𝑛𝑑 𝑜𝑛 𝑤ℎ𝑎𝑡 𝑤𝑒 𝑎𝑟𝑒; 𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝑤ℎ𝑎𝑡 𝑤𝑒 𝑎𝑟𝑒 𝑤𝑖𝑙𝑙 𝑏𝑒 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑟𝑒𝑠𝑢𝑙𝑡 𝑜𝑓 𝑝𝑟𝑒𝑣𝑖𝑜𝑢𝑠 𝑦𝑒𝑎𝑟𝑠 𝑜𝑓𝑠𝑒𝑙𝑓-𝑑𝑖𝑠𝑐𝑖𝑝𝑙𝑖𝑛𝑒.”—𝐻. 𝑃. 𝐿𝑖𝑑𝑑𝑜𝑛 Perhaps the greatest value of questioning myself in this area is that it exposes my weakness regarding the discipline for my health. Developing good eating habits has been a lifelong struggle. And I did not exercise regularly until after I suffered my heart attack. I continue to work hard to try to grow in this area. 𝟖. 𝐖𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐈𝐬 𝐌𝐲 𝐖𝐨𝐫𝐬𝐭 𝐇𝐚𝐛𝐢𝐭? Without a doubt, my worst personal trait is impatience. It was part of my early nature as a child, and it has become ingrained in me as a habit. When I was a child, we used to visit my grandpa Maxwell, and it never failed that at some point while we were there, he would sit my brother, Larry, and me down in two chairs and offer to pay us a nickel if we would sit quietly in those chairs for five minutes. Larry always earned his nickel. And I never did—not one time! There are things in life that you have to work for and there are things you have to wait for. I have learned that there are things in life that you have to work for and there are things you have to wait for. I’m still trying to grow when it comes to waiting. I suspect that this will be a goal of mine until the day I die. 𝟗. 𝐖𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐈𝐬 𝐌𝐨𝐬𝐭 𝐅𝐮𝐥𝐟𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐨 𝐌𝐞? The thing I enjoy doing most is communicating to other people. When I communicate, I know I am in my strength zone, I feel the most fulfilled, and I make the greatest impact. Every time I do it, I have a sense deep down that says, I was made for this. Early in my career, knowing that communication was fulfilling to me prompted me to become a better speaker, because back then I wasn’t very good at it. For more than ten years, it was one of the top areas I dedicated myself to when it came to growth. I continue to try to grow as a communicator, but the value I receive from asking this question today is that it helps me to stay focused so I’m doing what returns the most value to others and to myself. 𝟏𝟎. 𝐖𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐃𝐨 𝐈 𝐏𝐫𝐢𝐳𝐞 𝐌𝐨𝐬𝐭 𝐇𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐥𝐲? I value nothing as highly as I do my faith. It forms my values. It guides my actions. It has been the foundation of my teaching on leadership. It is my source and my security. Mother Teresa said, “Faith keeps the person who keeps the faith.” I have found that to be true. Author Philip Yancey described faith as “trusting in advance what will only make sense in reverse.” Having faith and knowing its value in my life helps me to have a divine perspective every day. I need that because I can easily get off course otherwise. Faith is “trusting in advance what will only make sense in reverse.” —Philip Yancey The previous ten questions were ones I actually asked myself to prompt me to reflect and help me grow in the area of self-awareness. You can ask yourself questions in just about any area of life to help you pause, focus, and learn. For example, if you wanted to grow in the area of relationships, you could ask yourself the following questions: 1. Do I value people? 2. Do people know I value them? 3. How do I show it? 4. Am I a “plus” or a “minus” in my most important relationships? 5. What evidence do I have to confirm my opinion? 6. What is the love language of the people I love? 7. How can I serve them? 8. Do I need to forgive someone in my life who needs to be given grace? 9. Who in my life should I take time to thank? 10. Who in my life should be receiving more of my time? Or if you wanted to pause and think about where you are in the area of personal growth, you could ask yourself the following: 1. Do I know and practice the 15 Laws of Personal Growth? 2. Which three laws do I do best? 3. Which three are my weakest? 4. Am I growing daily? 5. What am I doing daily to grow? 6. How am I growing? 7. What are the roadblocks that are keeping me from growing? 8. What are the breakthroughs I need to keep growing? 9. What were the potential learning moments I experienced today, and did I seize them? 10. Am I passing on to someone what I am learning? What you want to accomplish in life and where you are in the journey will determine what areas you most need to think about today, tailoring the questions to yourself. But the most important thing you must do is write out the questions and write out the answers. Why? Because you will discover that what you think after you write the answer is different from what you thought before you wrote it. Writing helps you to discover what you truly know, think, and believe. ᴾ𓂃5

ᴾ𓂃6 𝗪𝗼𝗿𝘁𝗵 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗧𝗿𝗼𝘂𝗯𝗹𝗲 All of this probably sounds like a lot of steps and a lot of trouble. You’re right; it is. That’s why most people never do it. But it is worth every bit of effort you put into it. The farther you go in life, the more critical it is that you take time to pause and think. The older you are, the less time you have to stay on purpose and do the things you were created to do. But here’s the good news: If you’ve been diligent in your efforts to grow along the way, you will also be better equipped to fulfill that purpose, even if it requires you to make significant changes or course corrections. Many years ago my friend Bob Buford wrote a book called The Second Half. It’s fantastic. The entire book is a “pause so that growth can catch up with you” experience. In it, he encourages readers who’ve experienced some success in the first half of their lives to stop and think about what they want to do in the second half. Here is some of the advice he gives: ….You will not get very far in your second half without knowing your life mission. Can yours be stated in a sentence or two? A good way to begin formulating one is with some questions (and nakedly honest answers). What is your passion? What have you achieved? What have you done uncommonly well? How are you wired? Where do you belong? What are the “shoulds” that have trailed you during the first half? These and other questions like them will direct you toward the self your heart longs for; they will help you discover the tasks for which you were especially made. Never forget that your goal in personal growth is reaching your potential. To do that, you need to keep pausing, keep asking questions, and keep growing every day. ᴾ𓂃6

ᴾ𓂃7 𝗔𝗽𝗽𝗹𝘆𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗟𝗮𝘄 𝗼𝗳 𝗥𝗲𝗳𝗹𝗲𝗰𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻 𝘁𝗼 𝗬𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗟𝗶𝗳𝗲. 1. Have you created a place where you can consistently and effectively pause andreflect? If not, do so immediately. First, figure out what kind of environment will be good for you. Among the places I have chosen over the years are a rock outdoors, a small isolated room where no one would bother me, and a special chair in my office. Figure out what works for you, and stick with it for as long as it’s effective. 2. Schedule time to pause and reflect. If you don’t, it will always get shuffled off ofyour to-do list. Ideally, you would spend a short time pausing to reflect at the end of every day (between ten and thirty minutes), a significant time every week (at least an hour or two), part of a day several times a year (half a day), and an extended time annually (as little as a day and as much as a week). Put these times to pause on your calendar and guard them as you would your most important appointments. 3. Cartoonist Henri Arnold said, “The wise man questions himself, the fool others.”The Law of Reflection will do you little good unless you are intentional in your thinking time. You make yourself intentional by asking yourself tough questions. “The wise man questions himself, the fool others.” —Henri Arnold …Where do you most need to grow right now? Is it in self-management? Is there an issue that you can’t seem to wrestle down? Are you experiencing a plateau in your career? Are you failing to win at the most important relationships in your life? Do you need to examine or reexamine your purpose? Do you need to assess what you should be doing in your second half? …Whatever your issue is, create questions around it and spend time writing your answer to those questions during your scheduled times of reflection. ᴾ𓂃7