📕𝘾𝙃3:(🐛𝙏𝙃𝙀15 𝙑Æ𝙇𝙐𝘼𝙉𝙇𝙀 𝙇𝘼𝙒 𝙤𝙛

𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝟏𝟓. 𝐈𝐍𝐕𝐀𝐋𝐔𝐀𝐁𝐋𝐄 𝐋𝐀𝐖𝐒 𝐎𝐅 𝐆𝐑𝐎𝐖𝐓𝐇 “LIVE THEM AND REACH YOUR POTENTIAL” - JOHN C. MAXWELL- 𝐶𝐻𝐴𝑃𝑇𝐸𝑅 𝟹: 𝑻𝒉𝒆 𝑳𝒂𝒘 𝒐𝒇 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝑴𝒊𝒓𝒓𝒐𝒓 - ʏᴏᴜ ᴍᴜꜱᴛ ꜱᴇᴇ ᴠᴀʟᴜᴇ ɪɴ ʏᴏᴜʀꜱᴇʟꜰ ᴛᴏ ᴀᴅᴅ ᴠᴀʟᴜᴇ ᴛᴏ ʏᴏᴜʀꜱᴇʟꜰ “𝑃𝑒𝑟𝑠𝑜𝑛𝑎𝑙 𝑑𝑒𝑣𝑒𝑙𝑜𝑝𝑚𝑒𝑛𝑡 𝑖𝑠 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑏𝑒𝑙𝑖𝑒𝑓 𝑡ℎ𝑎𝑡 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑎𝑟𝑒 𝑤𝑜𝑟𝑡ℎ 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑒𝑓𝑓𝑜𝑟𝑡, 𝑡𝑖𝑚𝑒, 𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝑒𝑛𝑒𝑟𝑔𝑦 𝑛𝑒𝑒𝑑𝑒𝑑 𝑡𝑜 𝑑𝑒𝑣𝑒𝑙𝑜𝑝 𝑦𝑜𝑢𝑟𝑠𝑒𝑙𝑓.”—𝐷𝐸𝑁𝐼𝑆 𝑊𝐴𝐼𝑇𝐿𝐸𝑌 .. I often ask myself what keeps people from being successful. I believe all people have the seeds of success within them. All they need to do is cultivate those seeds, water them, feed them, and they will begin to grow. That is why I have spent my life trying to add value to people. I love to see people blossom! So why do many people fail to grow and reach their potential? I’ve concluded that one of the main reasons is low self-esteem. Many people don’t believe in themselves. They don’t see the possibilities that God put in them. They possess a hundred acres of possibilities, yet never cultivate them because they are convinced that they won’t be able to learn and grow and blossom into something wonderful. 𝐏𝐨𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐚𝐥 𝐒𝐪𝐮𝐚𝐬𝐡𝐞𝐝. That was the case of Johnnetta McSwain, whose story I recently learned about. For more than thirty years, she was someone who saw little value or potential in herself. But to be honest, there were many legitimate reasons for her poor perception of herself. She was born to a single mother who didn’t want her and told her so. She and her sister, Sonya, who was a year older, along with a cousin, spent the first five or six years of their lives being raised by their grandmother in Birmingham, Alabama. But the house was also shared by three uncles, who abused all three of the children psychologically, physically, and sexually. Johnnetta was scarred both physically and emotionally. “By the time I was five years old,” says Johnnetta, “I had already started to believe that I was not only inferior, but I was also a child abandoned by her own mamma. As a child, I had no place, no voice, and no worth at all.”1 When Johnnetta and Sonya’s mother learned about the abuse, she moved the three girls to a new home. But the abuse continued, this time from the men her mother brought home. Sonya ultimately responded by living on the streets and turning to crack cocaine. Johnnetta avoided drugs, but she spent much of her time on the streets and dropped out of high school in the eleventh grade. She had her first child out of wedlock at age nineteen, then a second child in her midtwenties. For the most part, she lived in government-supported housing and on government assistance, and relied on her boyfriends for additional support. To keep herself in designer clothes, she resorted to shoplifting. Sonya’s perspective poignantly sums up the state they were in: “Everybody in my family has been in jail, on drugs, didn’t finish high school, so what I got to live for? What I got to amount to? Nothing! What I got to accomplish? Nothing.”

ᴾ𓂃𝟐 𝐀 𝐋𝐨𝐨𝐤 𝐢𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐌𝐢𝐫𝐫𝐨𝐫. Johnnetta’s thirtieth birthday caused her to look in the mirror. She didn’t like what she saw. She writes, That day I woke up and realized I had absolutely nothing to celebrate—no money, no full-time job, no home, no husband, and no clue, not even the will to do better…. At last, I knew it was time to make some changes.3 She wasn’t happy with her life, and she realized that if she continued in the same direction she was going, her two sons would also be headed for trouble. As far as she knew, not a single male member of her family had ever finished high school. Many died young or ended up in jail. She didn’t want that for her boys. For Johnnetta, the process started with her working to get her GED. She took a twelve-week course to prepare and then took the test. She needed a score of 45 to pass. She received a 44.5. But she was determined to make something of herself, so she scheduled a retake at her first opportunity. When she passed, she was excited to be chosen to speak at the graduation ceremony. No one from her family bothered to attend. Johnnetta knew that if she was going to change, she needed to leave Birmingham and get a fresh start. And she wanted to do something no one in her family had ever done—go to college. She decided to move to Atlanta, Georgia, and was motivated by a profound thought: “I get a chance to be anyone I want to be.”4 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ “𝐼 𝑔𝑒𝑡 𝑎 𝑐ℎ𝑎𝑛𝑐𝑒 𝑡𝑜 𝑏𝑒 𝑎𝑛𝑦𝑜𝑛𝑒 𝐼 𝑤𝑎𝑛𝑡 𝑡𝑜 𝑏𝑒.” —𝐽𝑜ℎ𝑛𝑛𝑒𝑡𝑡𝑎 𝑀𝑐𝑆𝑤𝑎𝑖𝑛 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ It took her almost three years to pull it off, but she made the move. Soon afterward, she enrolled in Kennesaw State University, deciding to take more than a full load every semester. She was thirty-three years old when she started school. She was street smart, but not very book smart—at least not at first. That intimidated her in the beginning. But for the first time in her life, she was determined to better herself. And soon she realized she could do it. “I realized I didn’t have to be smart,” Johnnetta explains. “I just had to be determined, motivated, and focused. This came with a high price tag for me. I had to exchange my thinking. I had to think like a smart person.”5 Not only did she study hard and stay focused, but she also sought out the smartest person in each of her classes and asked to study with her. Soon she was studying and thinking like the best students in the school. She also maintained the vision she had for her future. At the beginning of every semester, she went to the bookstore on campus and tried on a cap and gown, looking at herself in the mirror and imagining what it would be like to graduate. One day when a classmate was talking to her, she had a realization. The classmate was saying, “I don’t love myself. I’m a nobody.” Johnnetta responded, “You sure can love you if I love me.” And that’s when it hit her, maybe for the first time. “I realized I loved myself.” She had changed. She was turning into the person she wanted to be, that she was created to be. Johnnetta completed the work for a bachelor’s degree in three years. Then she enrolled in graduate school, where she earned a master’s degree in social work. Currently, she is working toward earning her doctorate. “I went for something that society told me, ‘You can’t do,’ ” says Johnnetta. “Oh, yes I can!”6  ᴾ𓂃2

ᴾ𓂃𝟑 𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐎𝐰𝐞𝐫 𝐨𝐟 𝐏𝐨𝐬𝐢𝐭𝐢𝐯𝐞 𝐒𝐞𝐥𝐟-𝐄𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐞𝐦 Johnnetta’s story is a powerful example of what can happen in a person’s life when she recognizes her value and begins to add value to herself. In Johnnetta’s case, she was motivated by the desire to help her children, and she began to add value to herself first, and later saw the value in herself. It doesn’t matter which occurs first. One feeds the other. What matters is that the cycle of value starts! If you don’t realize that you have genuine value and that you are worth investing in, then you will never put in the time and effort needed to grow to your potential. If you’re not sure you agree with that, then consider the following. ● 𝑺𝒆𝒍𝒇-𝑬𝒔𝒕𝒆𝒆𝒎 𝑰𝒔 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝑺𝒊𝒏𝒈𝒍𝒆 𝑴𝒐𝒔𝒕 𝑺𝒊𝒈𝒏𝒊𝒇𝒊𝒄𝒂𝒏𝒕 𝑲𝒆𝒚 𝒕𝒐 𝒂 𝑷𝒆𝒓𝒔𝒐𝒏’𝒔 𝑩𝒆𝒉𝒂𝒗𝒊𝒐𝒓. Often have I heard my friend Zig Ziglar say, “It’s impossible to consistently behave in a manner inconsistent with how we see ourselves. We can do very few things in a positive way if we feel negative about ourselves.” Zig has a very practical, commonsense wisdom that he has shared with people for years. But experts in the field agree with his assessment. Nathaniel Branden, a psychiatrist and expert on the subject of self-esteem, says, “No factor is more important in people’s psychological development and motivation than the value judgments they make about themselves. Every aspect of their lives is impacted by the way they see themselves.” If you believe you are worthless, then you won’t add value to yourself. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ “𝑁𝑜 𝑓𝑎𝑐𝑡𝑜𝑟 𝑖𝑠 𝑚𝑜𝑟𝑒 𝑖𝑚𝑝𝑜𝑟𝑡𝑎𝑛𝑡 𝑖𝑛 𝑝𝑒𝑜𝑝𝑙𝑒’𝑠 𝑝𝑠𝑦𝑐ℎ𝑜𝑙𝑜𝑔𝑖𝑐𝑎𝑙 𝑑𝑒𝑣𝑒𝑙𝑜𝑝𝑚𝑒𝑛𝑡 𝑎𝑛𝑑𝑚𝑜𝑡𝑖𝑣𝑎𝑡𝑖𝑜𝑛 𝑡ℎ𝑎𝑛 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑣𝑎𝑙𝑢𝑒 𝑗𝑢𝑑𝑔𝑚𝑒𝑛𝑡𝑠 𝑡ℎ𝑒𝑦 𝑚𝑎𝑘𝑒 𝑎𝑏𝑜𝑢𝑡 𝑡ℎ𝑒𝑚𝑠𝑒𝑙𝑣𝑒𝑠.” —𝑁𝑎𝑡ℎ𝑎𝑛𝑖𝑒𝑙 𝐵𝑟𝑎𝑛𝑑𝑒𝑛 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ● 𝑳𝒐𝒘 𝑺𝒆𝒍𝒇-𝑬𝒔𝒕𝒆𝒆𝒎 𝑷𝒖𝒕𝒔 𝒂 𝑪𝒆𝒊𝒍𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒐𝒏 𝑶𝒖𝒓 𝑷𝒐𝒕𝒆𝒏𝒕𝒊𝒂𝒍 I’m well known for teaching the Law of the Lid from The 21 Irrefutable Laws of Leadership. Imagine that you want to do something great in your life that impacts a lot of people. Perhaps you want to build a large organization. That desire, no matter how great, will be limited by your leadership. It is a lid on your potential. Well, your selfesteem has the same kind of impact. If your desire is a 10 but your self-esteem is a 5, you’ll never perform at the level of a 10. You’ll perform as a 5 or lower. People are never able to outperform their self-image. As Nathanial Branden says, “If you feel inadequate to face challenges, unworthy of love or respect, unentitled to happiness, and fear assertive thoughts, wants, or needs—if you lack basic self-trust, self-respect, and self-confidence—your self-esteem deficiency will limit you, no matter what other assets you possess.” ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ “𝑃𝑒𝑜𝑝𝑙𝑒 𝑎𝑟𝑒 𝑛𝑒𝑣𝑒𝑟 𝑎𝑏𝑙𝑒 𝑡𝑜 𝑜𝑢𝑡𝑝𝑒𝑟𝑓𝑜𝑟𝑚 𝑡ℎ𝑒𝑖𝑟 𝑠𝑒𝑙𝑓-𝑖𝑚𝑎𝑔𝑒.” ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ● 𝑻𝒉𝒆 𝑽𝒂𝒍𝒖𝒆 𝑾𝒆 𝑷𝒍𝒂𝒄𝒆 𝒐𝒏 𝑶𝒖𝒓𝒔𝒆𝒍𝒗𝒆𝒔 𝑰𝒔 𝑼𝒔𝒖𝒂𝒍𝒍𝒚 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝑽𝒂𝒍𝒖𝒆 𝑶𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒓𝒔 𝑷𝒍𝒂𝒄𝒆 𝒐𝒏 𝑼𝒔 A man went to a fortune-teller to hear what she had to say about his future. She looked into a crystal ball and said, “You will be poor and unhappy until you are fortyfive years old.” “Then what will happen?” asked the man hopefully. “Then you’ll get used to it.” I’m sorry to say, that’s the way most people live their lives—according to what others believe about them. If the important people in their lives expect them to go nowhere, then that’s what they expect for themselves. That’s fine if you’re surrounded by people who believe in you. But what if you’re not? You shouldn’t become too concerned about what others might think of you. You should be more concerned about what you think of yourself. That’s what Johnnetta McSwain did. As she prepared for her move to Atlanta, her friends and family told her it would never happen. When she did move, they told her she would fail and return to Birmingham. Nobody really believed in her. She didn’t care. She had her own solution. She says, “You don’t have to accept what people say you have to be.”7 Isn’t that wonderful? If you put a small value on yourself, rest assured the world will not raise the price. If you want to become the person you have the potential to be, you must believe you can! ᴾ𓂃𝟑

ᴾ𓂃4 𝐒𝐭𝐞𝐩𝐬 𝐭𝐨 𝐁𝐮𝐢𝐥𝐝 𝐘𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐒𝐞𝐥𝐟-𝐈𝐦𝐚𝐠𝐞 I must admit that self-image has never been a problem for me. I grew up in a very positive environment, and I’ve always believed I could succeed. But I’ve worked with a lot of people who didn’t. And I’ve been able to help some of them turn the corner and believe in themselves the way I believe in them. And I hope to be able to help you too, if that’s your situation. To get you started, please take to heart the following ten suggestions. 𝟷. 𝐺𝑢𝑎𝑟𝑑 𝑌𝑜𝑢𝑟 𝑆𝑒𝑙𝑓-𝑇𝑎𝑙𝑘. 𝟸. 𝑆𝑡𝑜𝑝 𝐶𝑜𝑚𝑝𝑎𝑟𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑌𝑜𝑢𝑟𝑠𝑒𝑙𝑓 𝑡𝑜 𝑂𝑡ℎ𝑒𝑟𝑠. 𝟹. 𝑀𝑜𝑣𝑒 𝐵𝑒𝑦𝑜𝑛𝑑 𝑌𝑜𝑢𝑟 𝐿𝑖𝑚𝑖𝑡𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝐵𝑒𝑙𝑖𝑒𝑓𝑠. 𝟺. 𝐴𝑑𝑑 𝑉𝑎𝑙𝑢𝑒 𝑡𝑜 𝑂𝑡ℎ𝑒𝑟𝑠. 𝟻. 𝐷𝑜 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑅𝑖𝑔ℎ𝑡 𝑇ℎ𝑖𝑛𝑔, 𝐸𝑣𝑒𝑛 𝐼𝑓 𝐼𝑡’𝑠 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝐻𝑎𝑟𝑑 𝑇ℎ𝑖𝑛𝑔. 𝟼. 𝑃𝑟𝑎𝑐𝑡𝑖𝑐𝑒 𝑎 𝑆𝑚𝑎𝑙𝑙 𝐷𝑖𝑠𝑐𝑖𝑝𝑙𝑖𝑛𝑒 𝐷𝑎𝑖𝑙𝑦 𝑖𝑛 𝑎 𝑆𝑝𝑒𝑐𝑖𝑓𝑖𝑐 𝐴𝑟𝑒𝑎 𝑜𝑓 𝑌𝑜𝑢𝑟 𝐿𝑖𝑓𝑒. 𝟽. 𝐶𝑒𝑙𝑒𝑏𝑟𝑎𝑡𝑒 𝑆𝑚𝑎𝑙𝑙 𝑉𝑖𝑐𝑡𝑜𝑟𝑖𝑒𝑠. 𝟾. 𝐸𝑚𝑏𝑟𝑎𝑐𝑒 𝑎 𝑃𝑜𝑠𝑖𝑡𝑖𝑣𝑒 𝑉𝑖𝑠𝑖𝑜𝑛 𝑓𝑜𝑟 𝑌𝑜𝑢𝑟 𝐿𝑖𝑓𝑒 𝐵𝑎𝑠𝑒𝑑 𝑜𝑛 𝑊ℎ𝑎𝑡 𝑌𝑜𝑢 𝑉𝑎𝑙𝑢𝑒. 𝟿. 𝑃𝑟𝑎𝑐𝑡𝑖𝑐𝑒 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑂𝑛𝑒-𝑊𝑜𝑟𝑑 𝑆𝑡𝑟𝑎𝑡𝑒𝑔𝑦. 𝟷𝟶. 𝑇𝑎𝑘𝑒 𝑅𝑒𝑠𝑝𝑜𝑛𝑠𝑖𝑏𝑖𝑙𝑖𝑡𝑦 𝑓𝑜𝑟 𝑌𝑜𝑢𝑟 𝐿𝑖𝑓𝑒. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ If you put a small value on yourself, rest assured the world will not raise the price. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ᴾ𓂃4

ᴾ𓂃5 𝟷. 𝐺𝑢𝑎𝑟𝑑 𝑌𝑜𝑢𝑟 𝑆𝑒𝑙𝑓-𝑇𝑎𝑙𝑘. Whether you know it or not, you have a running conversation with yourself all the time. What is the nature of yours? Do you encourage yourself? Or do you criticize yourself? If you are positive, then you help to create a positive self-image. If you’re negative, you undermine your self-worth. Where does negative, critical self-talk come from? Usually from our upbringing. In their book The Answer, businessmen-authors John Assaraf and Murray Smith talk about the negative messages children receive growing up. They write, By the time you’re seventeen years old, you’ve heard “No, you can’t,” an average of 150,000 times. You’ve heard “Yes, you can,” about 5,000 times. That’s thirty nos for every yes. That makes for a powerful belief of “I can’t.”8 That’s a lot to overcome. It’s one of the reasons it took Johnnetta McSwain thirty years to start believing she could change. From an early age, she had been made to feel valueless. If we want to change our lives, we have to change the way we think of ourselves. If we want to change the way we think of ourselves, we need to change the way we talk to ourselves. And the older we are, the more responsible we are for how we think, talk, and believe. Don’t you have enough problems in life already? Why add to them by discouraging yourself every day with negative self-talk? When I was a child, my favorite story was The Little Engine that Could. Why? Because I found it so encouraging! I used to read it over and over, and I used to think, That’s me! I think I can too! You need to learn to become your own encourager, your own cheerleader. Every time you do a good job, don’t just let it pass; give yourself a compliment. Every time you choose discipline over indulgence, don’t tell yourself that you should have anyway; recognize how much you are helping yourself. Every time you make a mistake, don’t bring up everything that’s wrong with yourself; tell yourself that you’re paying the price for growth and that you will learn to do better next time. Every positive thing you can say to yourself will help. ᴾ𓂃5

ᴾ𓂃6 𝟸. 𝑆𝑡𝑜𝑝 𝐶𝑜𝑚𝑝𝑎𝑟𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑌𝑜𝑢𝑟𝑠𝑒𝑙𝑓 𝑡𝑜 𝑂𝑡ℎ𝑒𝑟𝑠. When I started my career, I looked forward to the annual report from the organization showing statistics for each of its leaders. As soon as I received them in the mail, I’d look for my standing and compare my progress with the progress of all the other leaders. After about five years of doing that, I realized how harmful it was. What happens when you compare yourself to others? Usually it’s one of two things: either you perceive the other person to be far ahead of you and you feel discouraged, or you perceive yourself to be better than the other person, and you become proud. Neither of those is good for you, and neither will help you to grow. Comparing yourself to others is really just a needless distraction. The only one you should compare yourself to is you. Your mission is to become better today than you were yesterday. You do that by focusing on what you can do today to improve and grow. Do that enough, and if you look back and compare the you of weeks, months, or years ago to the you of today, you should be greatly encouraged by your progress. ᴾ𓂃6

ᴾ𓂃7 𝟹. 𝑀𝑜𝑣𝑒 𝐵𝑒𝑦𝑜𝑛𝑑 𝑌𝑜𝑢𝑟 𝐿𝑖𝑚𝑖𝑡𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝐵𝑒𝑙𝑖𝑒𝑓𝑠 I love the old comic strip Shoe by Jeff MacNelly. In one of my favorites, Shoe is pitching in a baseball game. In a conference on the mound, his catcher says, “You’ve got to have faith in your curve ball.” “𝐼𝑡’𝑠 𝑒𝑎𝑠𝑦 𝑓𝑜𝑟 ℎ𝑖𝑚 𝑡𝑜 𝑠𝑎𝑦,” 𝑔𝑟𝑢𝑚𝑏𝑙𝑒𝑠 𝑆ℎ𝑜𝑒. “𝑊ℎ𝑒𝑛 𝑖𝑡 𝑐𝑜𝑚𝑒𝑠 𝑡𝑜 𝑏𝑒𝑙𝑖𝑒𝑣𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑖𝑛 𝑚𝑦𝑠𝑒𝑙𝑓, 𝐼’𝑚 𝑎𝑛 𝑎𝑔𝑛𝑜𝑠𝑡𝑖𝑐.” Unfortunately, that’s the way a lot of people think about themselves. They don’t believe that they can accomplish great things. But the greatest limitations people experience on their lives are usually the ones they impose upon themselves. As industrialist Charles Schwab said, “When a man has put a limit on what he will do, he has put a limit on what he can do.” That was true for Johnnetta McSwain. As soon as she changed her self-limiting thinking, she was able to change her life. Author Jack Canfield offers a solution to self-limiting thinking. In his book The Success Principles, he recommends the following four steps to transform limiting beliefs into empowering beliefs. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ “𝑊ℎ𝑒𝑛 𝑎 𝑚𝑎𝑛 ℎ𝑎𝑠 𝑝𝑢𝑡 𝑎 𝑙𝑖𝑚𝑖𝑡 𝑜𝑛 𝑤ℎ𝑎𝑡 ℎ𝑒 𝑤𝑖𝑙𝑙 𝑑𝑜, ℎ𝑒 ℎ𝑎𝑠 𝑝𝑢𝑡 𝑎 𝑙𝑖𝑚𝑖𝑡 𝑜𝑛 𝑤ℎ𝑎𝑡 ℎ𝑒 𝑐𝑎𝑛 𝑑𝑜.” —𝐶ℎ𝑎𝑟𝑙𝑒𝑠 𝑆𝑐ℎ𝑤𝑎𝑏 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ • Identify a limiting belief that you want to change. • Determine how the belief limits you. • Decide how you want to be, act, or feel. • Create a turnaround statement that affirms or gives you permission to be, act, or feel this new way.9 That’s really good advice. Once you do it, repeat that turnaround statement to yourself every day for as long as you must in order to change your self-limiting thinking. For example, let’s say you would like to learn a foreign language to improve your career or better enjoy a vacation, but you don’t think you can do it. Once you’ve identified that belief, define how not learning that language is limiting you. Then describe what it will be like when you learn that language. How will it make you feel? What will it enable you to do? What might it do for your career? Then write an empowering statement that affirms your ability to learn the language, outlines the realistic process you will use to learn it, and describes how you will be impacted by this growth. Remember, in the end, it isn’t what you are that holds you back; it’s what you think you’re not. ᴾ𓂃7

ᴾ𓂃8 𝟺. 𝐴𝑑𝑑 𝑉𝑎𝑙𝑢𝑒 𝑡𝑜 𝑂𝑡ℎ𝑒𝑟𝑠 Because people with low self-esteem often see themselves as inadequate or feel like victims (which often starts because they actually have been victimized in their past), they focus inordinately on themselves. They can become self-protective and selfish because they feel that they have to be to survive. If that is true of you, then you can combat those feelings by serving others and working to add value to them. Making a difference—even a small one—in the lives of other people lifts one’s self-esteem. It’s hard to feel bad about yourself when you’re doing something good for someone else. In addition to that, adding value to others makes them value you more. It creates a cycle of positive feeling from one person to another. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 𝑰𝒕’𝒔 𝒉𝒂𝒓𝒅 𝒕𝒐 𝒇𝒆𝒆𝒍 𝒃𝒂𝒅 𝒂𝒃𝒐𝒖𝒕 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓𝒔𝒆𝒍𝒇 𝒘𝒉𝒆𝒏 𝒚𝒐𝒖’𝒓𝒆 𝒅𝒐𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒔𝒐𝒎𝒆𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒈𝒐𝒐𝒅 𝒇𝒐𝒓 𝒔𝒐𝒎𝒆𝒐𝒏𝒆 𝒆𝒍𝒔𝒆. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ᴾ𓂃8

ᴾ𓂃9 𝟻. 𝐷𝑜 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑅𝑖𝑔ℎ𝑡 𝑇ℎ𝑖𝑛𝑔, 𝐸𝑣𝑒𝑛 𝐼𝑓 𝐼𝑡’𝑠 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝐻𝑎𝑟𝑑 𝑇ℎ𝑖𝑛𝑔 One of the best ways to build self-esteem is to do what’s right. It gives a strong sense of satisfaction. And what happens whenever you don’t do the right thing? Either you feel guilt, which makes you feel bad about yourself, or you lie to yourself to try to convince yourself that your actions weren’t wrong or weren’t that important. That does harm to you as a person and to your self-esteem. Being true to yourself and your values is a tremendous self-esteem builder. Every time you take action that builds your character, you become stronger as a person—the harder the task, the greater the character builder. You can actually “act yourself” into feeling good about yourself, because positive character expands into every area of your life, giving you confidence and positive feelings about everything you do. ᴾ𓂃9

ᴾ𓂃10 𝟼. 𝑃𝑟𝑎𝑐𝑡𝑖𝑐𝑒 𝑎 𝑆𝑚𝑎𝑙𝑙 𝐷𝑖𝑠𝑐𝑖𝑝𝑙𝑖𝑛𝑒 𝐷𝑎𝑖𝑙𝑦 𝑖𝑛 𝑎 𝑆𝑝𝑒𝑐𝑖𝑓𝑖𝑐 𝐴𝑟𝑒𝑎 𝑜𝑓 𝑌𝑜𝑢𝑟 𝐿𝑖𝑓𝑒. When I began my career as a minister, one of the things I did was work a little bit every day on my Sunday sermon. As I talked to my peers, I found out that this was not the way most people in my position did things. Most of my colleagues started their preparation on Friday. I couldn’t understand why they would do it that way. It was like facing a mountain—overwhelming. However, I found that if I chipped away all week, by the time Friday came, I was confident that I could complete the task. If there is an area in your life that seems overwhelming to you—health, work, family, or something else—try chipping away at it a little bit every day instead of trying to tackle it all at once. Since your self-worth is based upon the positive habits, actions, and decisions you practice every day, why not build your self-esteem and tackle your biggest problems at the same time? Don’t fret or worry about it; do something specific about it. Discipline is a morale builder. Boost yours by taking small steps that will take you in a positive direction. ᴾ𓂃10

ᴾ𓂃11 𝟽. 𝐶𝑒𝑙𝑒𝑏𝑟𝑎𝑡𝑒 𝑆𝑚𝑎𝑙𝑙 𝑉𝑖𝑐𝑡𝑜𝑟𝑖𝑒𝑠 This next suggestion is really a follow-up to the previous ones. When you do the right thing or you take a small step in the right direction, what is your emotional response? What kinds of things do you tell yourself? Are your thoughts like these? -𝘞𝘦𝘭𝘭, 𝘪𝘵’𝘴 𝘢𝘣𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘵𝘪𝘮𝘦.-𝘐 𝘥𝘪𝘥𝘯’𝘵 𝘥𝘰 𝘢𝘴 𝘮𝘶𝘤𝘩 𝘢𝘴 𝘐 𝘴𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦. -𝘛𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘸𝘰𝘯’𝘵 𝘮𝘢𝘬𝘦 𝘢 𝘥𝘪𝘧𝘧𝘦𝘳𝘦𝘯𝘤𝘦. -𝘐𝘵’𝘴 𝘩𝘰𝘱𝘦𝘭𝘦𝘴𝘴—𝘐’𝘭𝘭 𝘯𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘴𝘶𝘤𝘤𝘦𝘦𝘥.-𝘖𝘳 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘺 𝘮𝘰𝘳𝘦 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘴𝘦? -𝘐𝘵’𝘴 𝘨𝘰𝘰𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘐 𝘥𝘪𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵. -𝘐 𝘥𝘪𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘳𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨—𝘨𝘰𝘰𝘥 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘮𝘦! -𝘌𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘺 𝘭𝘪𝘵𝘵𝘭𝘦 𝘣𝘪𝘵 𝘩𝘦𝘭𝘱𝘴. -𝘐’𝘮 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘮𝘶𝘤𝘩 𝘤𝘭𝘰𝘴𝘦𝘳 𝘵𝘰 𝘴𝘶𝘤𝘤𝘦𝘴𝘴. If your thinking runs more like the first list, then you need to change your thinking. I have to admit, I have no trouble celebrating small victories. Then again, I have no trouble celebrating big victories either. I just love celebrating. You should too. Taking a break to celebrate is good for you. If nothing is ever good enough, you can lose heart. Celebrating encourages you. It helps to inspire you to keep going. Don’t underestimate its power. ᴾ𓂃11

ᴾ𓂃12 𝟾. 𝐸𝑚𝑏𝑟𝑎𝑐𝑒 𝑎 𝑃𝑜𝑠𝑖𝑡𝑖𝑣𝑒 𝑉𝑖𝑠𝑖𝑜𝑛 𝑓𝑜𝑟 𝑌𝑜𝑢𝑟 𝐿𝑖𝑓𝑒 𝐵𝑎𝑠𝑒𝑑 𝑜𝑛 𝑊ℎ𝑎𝑡 𝑌𝑜𝑢 𝑉𝑎𝑙𝑢𝑒 When Reese Witherspoon won the 2006 Oscar for Best Actress for her portrayal of June Carter Cash in Walk the Line, she quoted June Carter Cash, saying, “People used to ask June how she was doing and she would say, ‘I’m just trying to matter.’ I know what she means.” We all want our lives to matter. That’s hard to do when we don’t believe we matter. If you have a positive vision for your life and you take action to fulfill that vision, then you will more readily recognize that your life matters. For example, Johnnetta McSwain loved and valued her children, and she had a positive vision for them, one where they prospered and broke the cycle of violence perpetuated by the men in her family. Because of that, she took action to fulfill that vision. What do you value? What prompts you to see a positive vision for your life? If you don’t have a vision, you are likely to be apathetic. However, if you tap into what you value and try to see what could be, it can inspire you to take positive action. And every positive action you take helps you to believe in yourself, which in turn helps you to take more positive action. ᴾ𓂃12

ᴾ𓂃13 𝟿. 𝑃𝑟𝑎𝑐𝑡𝑖𝑐𝑒 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑂𝑛𝑒-𝑊𝑜𝑟𝑑 𝑆𝑡𝑟𝑎𝑡𝑒𝑔𝑦... A couple of years ago I read a book by Kevin Hall called Aspire, which really inspired me. So much so that I wanted to meet the author, whom I found to be a delightful person. One of my favorite passages in the book communicates something Kevin does to help people grow: The first thing I do when I’m coaching someone who aspires to stretch, grow, and go higher in life is to have that person select the one word that best describes him or her. Once that person does that, it’s as if he or she has turned a page in a book and highlighted one word. Instead of seeing three hundred different words on the page, the person’s attention, and intention, is focused immediately on that single word, that single gift. What the individual focuses on expands.10 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 𝘐𝘧 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘱𝘪𝘤𝘬 𝘰𝘯𝘭𝘺 𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘥𝘦𝘴𝘤𝘳𝘪𝘣𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳𝘴𝘦𝘭𝘧, 𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘸𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘪𝘵 𝘣𝘦? ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Why do I like this practice of picking one word? Because it tells you a lot about how you think about yourself. Try it. If you could pick only one word to describe yourself, what would it be? I hope it’s positive! If it is, it will help you go in the right direction. If it’s not, then you need to change your word. ᴾ𓂃13

ᴾ𓂃14 𝟷𝟶. 𝑇𝑎𝑘𝑒 𝑅𝑒𝑠𝑝𝑜𝑛𝑠𝑖𝑏𝑖𝑙𝑖𝑡𝑦 𝑓𝑜𝑟 𝑌𝑜𝑢𝑟 𝐿𝑖𝑓𝑒. We tend to get in life what we are willing to tolerate. If we allow others to disrespect us, we get disrespected. If we tolerate abuse, we get abused. If we think it’s okay to be overworked and underpaid, guess what will happen? If we don’t have a plan and purpose for our lives, we will become part of someone else’s! It’s no mistake that Johnnetta McSwain’s life turned around when she took responsibility for herself and where she was, and decided to get control of her life and make positive changes. Those changes weren’t easy, nor did they occur quickly. She had to dig herself out of a big hole. But she did it. And so can you. I wish I could sit down with you, hear your story, and encourage you specifically in your journey. If you’ve had a difficult time and you don’t feel good about yourself, I want to tell you that you do have value. You matter. Your life can change, and you can make a difference—no matter what kind of background you have or where you come from. No matter what traumas you’ve suffered or mistakes you’ve made, you can learn and grow. You can become the person you have the potential to be. You just need to believe in yourself to get started. And every time you take a step, think a positive thought, make a good choice, practice a small discipline, you’re moving one step closer. Just keep moving forward, and keep believing.  ᴾ𓂃14

ᴾ𓂃15 𝗔𝗽𝗽𝗹𝘆𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗟𝗮𝘄 𝗼𝗳 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗠𝗶𝗿𝗿𝗼𝗿 𝘁𝗼 𝗬𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗟𝗶𝗳𝗲 1. Make a list of all of your best personal qualities. If you have positive self-esteem,then this will probably be easy for you. If you don’t, it may be a struggle. Don’t give up. If needed, spend days or weeks creating the list. Don’t stop until you have written a hundred positive things about yourself. If it took you a long time to create this list, then you need to spend time every day reading through it to remind yourself of your value. Remember, if you do not value yourself, you will have a very difficult time adding value to yourself. Using the list as a springboard, decide on the one word that best describes you. Make this word your North Star as you begin adding value to yourself. 2. Few things impact a person’s self-esteem more than the way they talk tothemselves on a day-to-day basis. Are you aware of how you talk to yourself? Keep track by using your smartphone or carrying an index card so you can tally the number of times each day this week that you think something positive or negative about yourself. In addition, you can ask close friends or family members to tell you whether they think you see yourself in a favorable or unfavorable light. 3. If you want to feel valuable, add value to others. How much time every day andevery week do you spend focusing on others and adding value to them? Do you serve others through a volunteer organization? Do you mentor people? Do you give assistance to others less fortunate than yourself? If you aren’t doing so already, find a way to serve and add value to others on a weekly basis. Do something that utilizes your strengths, benefits others, and makes you feel good about yourself. Start small. If you’re already serving, then do more. It’s a good rule of thumb to give a tenth of your time to serving and adding value to others. So, for example, if you work forty hours a week, devote four hours to serving others. 𝘼𝙥𝙥𝙡𝙮𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙇𝙖𝙬 𝙤𝙛 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙈𝙞𝙧𝙧𝙤𝙧 𝙩𝙤 𝙔𝙤𝙪𝙧 𝙇𝙞𝙛𝙚 1. Make a list of all of your best personal qualities. If you have positive self-esteem,then this will probably be easy for you. If you don’t, it may be a struggle. Don’t give up. If needed, spend days or weeks creating the list. Don’t stop until you have written a hundred positive things about yourself. If it took you a long time to create this list, then you need to spend time every day reading through it to remind yourself of your value. Remember, if you do not value yourself, you will have a very difficult time adding value to yourself. Using the list as a springboard, decide on the one word that best describes you. Make this word your North Star as you begin adding value to yourself. 2. Few things impact a person’s self-esteem more than the way they talk to themselves on a day-to-day basis. Are you aware of how you talk to yourself? Keep track by using your smartphone or carrying an index card so you can tally the number of times each day this week that you think something positive or negative about yourself. In addition, you can ask close friends or family members to tell you whether they think you see yourself in a favorable or unfavorable light. 3. If you want to feel valuable, add value to others. How much time every day andevery week do you spend focusing on others and adding value to them? Do you serve others through a volunteer organization? Do you mentor people? Do you give assistance to others less fortunate than yourself? If you aren’t doing so already, find a way to serve and add value to others on a weekly basis. Do something that utilizes your strengths, benefits others, and makes you feel good about yourself. Start small. If you’re already serving, then do more. It’s a good rule of thumb to give a tenth of your time to serving and adding value to others. So, for example, if you work forty hours a week, devote four hours to serving others. ᴾ𓂃15