(1)ɊᑌᗩᒪI丅Ƴ ᒪIᖴᗴ: ᗰIᑎᗪᖴᑌᒪ, Iᑎ丅ᗴᑎ丅Iᗝᑎᗩᒪ & ᖇᗴᖴᒪᗴᑕ丅Iᐯᗴ

Comparing Yourself to Others is Ruining You, Here's How to Stop it I don’t know you, but I think it’s a fair assumption to say that you too suffer from the anxiety, resentment and depressive thoughts that arise when we fall into the trap of comparing ourselves to others. Sometimes it feels like no matter how hard you try to excel in your field, everyone else seems to be more successful than you. Right? As someone who’s trying to make it as a successful entrepreneur — and now, a writer — I’ve placed heaps of pressure on myself to “succeed” as fast as I can. I compared myself to the present-day versions of the successful entrepreneurs and thought “I’m not working hard enough, I’m not moving fast enough, I’m not being good enough”. But therein lies the problem. An aspiring writer cannot compare himself to a New York Times Bestselling author. Each one is playing on a different level of the game. We compare ourselves to who we want to become, to the present versions of people whose success we wish to emulate. And in doing so, we completely overlook the time, money, failures and hard work these people went through to achieve their goals and get to where they are today. The truth is, we don’t know what goes on behind closed doors. We don’t know where people come from — their connections, their financial assets, their secret failures. All we see is the image they want us to see, and that means we’re comparing ourselves to perception, rather than truth.

The Negative Effects of Comparison Comparison is irrational and its implications are damaging. It can lead us into behaving in an illogical manner. Comparison can lead us to feel resentment toward someone else’s success. We begin to doubt our own capabilities: “I’m not good enough.” We begin to feel resentment toward someone else’s success: “How come he succeeded and not me.” And worst of all, we begin to fall into the trap of self-pity: “She’s so lucky, I wish I had her life.” Such behavior can easily consume your life if you’re not careful. You’ll drain your energy focusing on other people’s achievements instead of doubling down on your own path to success. You’ll be far removed from the present moment, and in turn, you’ll never be content with what you have and you’ll lose all sense of peace and joy in living. Stop comparing yourself to others and make a conscious effort to avoid it — here’s how.

Create Your Own Definition of Success The only person you should compare yourself to is you. Your sole purpose today is to become a better version of who you were yesterday. In fact, based on James Clear’s book, Atomic Habits, if you can become 1% better today, you’ll be 37x better by year-end. You have your own set of talents, ambitions, and life experiences, so the only accurate measure of success and self-worth is who you used to be and who you are becoming now. Are you growing? Are you learning? Are you building better habits? Are you inching closer to your goals? These are the questions you should be asking yourself to measure your progress and benchmark it. The best mental shift that can stop you from emphasizing your weaknesses, comparing yourself to others or overlooking your progress is by creating your own definition of success.

By defining what success means to you, you create the rules for your playing field. You stop living in accordance with someone else’s definition of success and instead you begin to live life on your own terms. How to Create Your Definition Take your time and be very specific with your answers to these questions: What is it that I want to achieve? Why does it matter to me? Who do I want to become in the process of achieving them? What do I need to do every day to get there? Here’s an example of my definition of success: “In three years I will have become a writer [who] with a published book [achievement] that inspires people to transform their lives, create positive change and live it fulfilled [why]. I will begin by publishing two articles per week for the first year [what I need to do to get there].” I gave myself a vision to reach, a reason to do it, a timeline to work towards and a progress benchmark to compare myself to. And it’s in the very act of putting the daily work into the process that I will expand, grow and thus, be living successfully, in accordance with my own terms.

Don’t Compare — Instead, Become a Student Comparing yourself to others will add no value to your mission, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t learn from others. If you authentically want to succeed in your creative field, you must be willing to invest endless hours in studying, learning, testing, failing, and creating. A big aspect of that should be dedicated to learning from those who have succeeded or are actively working to do so. What systems, processes, and relationships do they have in place? If you’re an aspiring writer, violinist or graphic designer, build a habit of studying the top performers in your field. Become a student of the craft you are aspiring to master. Don’t compare — stay in your lane, do your work, monitor your progress and try your best to study and learn from the greats in your field.

In a world that is digitally connected more than ever, it’s easy to get lost in the noise. It’s easy to trip on the wrong side of the coin. You can choose to focus on what you don’t have. You can choose to compare yourself to other people’s outer image of “success”. You will probably live an unhappy life doing so, draining your energy on inaccurate external factors. Or you can stay in your lane, keep your eyes on your own game, benchmark “the past you” against “the present you”, and immerse yourself with the knowledge of the people who have already reached the success that aligns with your definition of it.

You Don't Break Down in a Day, You Break Down Little by Little, Day by Day It’s been a rough week. Ten days ago the third-largest explosion in human history occurred in my home city of Beirut. It was absolutely devastating. Two hospitals were left in ruins, 300,000 thousand people became homeless, and hundreds of people lost their loved ones. My good friend almost lost her life, my friend’s friend passed away and my uncle’s home was severely damaged. And to be 8,000 miles away from this was even harder to swallow. I felt heartbroken and helpless. I felt guilty as if I was unworthy of the comfort I was living in. It took some time to absorb the shock of it all. Days and nights blended into one. From the moment I opened my eyes until I was in bed, my eyes were anchored onto the screen. Texting people, connecting on calls with friends and family, reading the news, watching the developing stories on social platforms, and trying to see how I could help from overseas. Chaos ensued. Three days after the blast, people were on the streets demanding the resignation of the corrupt government officials. In the following two days, the clashes intensified. Beirut was at the forefront of every single news outlet in the world.

(a) You Break Down Little by Little, Day by Day For the first time this year, my momentum came to a complete halt. I stopped writing. I stopped meditating. I stopped exercising. I began stress-eating and checking my phone first thing in the morning and last thing at night. I broke all my habits and daily rituals—literally, every single good habit I had been working on all year, instantly dissolved into the abyss. It’s been a difficult year and this was the capstone. But that’s the essence of life, isn’t it? Every day we are faced with new challenges, some bigger and more catastrophic than others. Regardless of their size and magnitude, what we are called to do at that moment is to face those challenges with the faith that every difficulty in life presents us with an opportunity to turn inward and tap into greater strength. In spite of the emotional wreckage we might find ourselves in, we must look inward to ignite the fortitude that allows us to pick ourselves back up and carry on. How do we do this? We allow our daily rituals to uphold us. They are the scaffold upon which our days are structured and thus the foundation upon which our life is constructed. They fashion the rhythm upon which our life flows and the direction in which it progresses. (b) It is absolutely essential that we allow ourselves to process the emotional ordeal we are experiencing, but we must also stay cautious of the very framework from which we are operating. As soon as you loosen your grip on the daily habits that form your daily rituals—like meditating, stretching, journaling, or healthy eating—you automatically expand the weight of gravity from the polar pull of mediocrity. You see, you don’t break down in a day, you break down little by little, day by day. And as you continue to maneuver away from those anchoring habits and rituals, you shall continue to crumble and wither, week by week, year by year, until you consciously awaken and ask yourself: “Who have I become?”

(a) You Also Take Care of Yourself, Little by Little, Day by Day What I’m getting at is this: It’s easy to put the world and all its problems before you. It’s easy to fall into the craters of woe and worry. It’s easy to say I’ll meditate later, I’ll journal later, I’ll exercise later, I’ll deal with it later. The problem is, at what point does it later become now? At what point in the future will you rise to your senses and say enough is enough? It’s absolutely crucial not to lose traction on your habits and routines at times of chaos because if you don’t take care of yourself, you will destroy yourself. I’ve seen it in my friends, and I’ve seen it in myself. When I launched my first company, I did nothing but work and exercise. I neglected my emotions. I neglected my relationships. I neglected the need to nourish my attention, mind, and soul. Six months later I was completely burnt out. (b) So, when things begin to slip from you, you must catch yourself in the moment so you can immediately lift yourself back up and continue to steer the ship in the right direction. And you do so by leaning on your daily cornerstone habits. It doesn’t matter if you missed four exercise sessions in a row, what matters is that you don’t allow it to become your new normal. Pick yourself back up and start exercising again. It doesn’t matter if you broke the routine and did not meditate for the past week, what matters is that you don’t allow it to become your new normal. Pick yourself back up and start meditating again. The goal is not to dwell on the losses and the shortcomings, the goal is to bounce back, veer toward your routine, and rebuild a new force of momentum. As Darren Hardy writes in The Compound Effect: “A daily routine built on good habits and disciplines separates the most successful among us from everyone else. A routine is exceptionally powerful.”

What Matters to You We don’t break down in a day, we break down little by little, day by day. Whether you’re going through a difficult period or not, what matters most is that you take care of yourself before you try and take care of the world around you. You do so by abiding by your self-care routines. Remember that there’s a thin line standing between where you are today and where you will be tomorrow. The hinge that connects the two is the one small habit you repeat every single day. Whatever you want those day-to-day anchors, habits, and rituals to consist of, do your best to stick to them. And if ever you trip, simply rise back up and carry on.

(a) How to Get Out of Your Comfort Zone and Fully Step Forward into Your Growth Zone: 10 Steps to Follow There’s an old English adage dating back to the 16th century that says: “Nothing ventured, nothing gained.” It essentially means that if we don’t engage in new experiences, we don’t gain new perspectives. And this still holds true today. From the ancient sailors who weathered storms to explore new lands to the modern digital entrepreneurs who’ve built remote online businesses, life continues to reward those who venture into the unknown. Why? Because they’re the ones who were willing to get uncomfortable. They’re the ones who’ve embraced discomfort and the true nature of the human experience: An always-changing, ever-evolving, growing process. We are here, on earth, to evolve; that’s why it’s called “human evolution.” So why aren’t you growing? You’re not growing because you refuse to get uncomfortable. You’re not growing because you refuse to engage in new experiences. You’re stagnant, way too deep into your comfort zone. You’re not growing because every shackle clung onto your comfort (to try and ‘keep you safe’) continues to hold you back. And thus, you’ve rendered yourself incapable of change. (b) Here’s what you need to realize: Almost everything you need to achieve your goals requires new skills, habits, knowledge, and experiences. To go from where you are to where you want to be, you must do things you’ve never done before. You must be willing to get uncomfortable because discomfort is the only path to growth. There is no other way. The truth is that to really ascend, rise above your former self, and completely change your life, you have to not only be okay with discomfort, but you have to fall in love with the journey it bears with it. Discomfort isn’t a moment in time, it’s a passage in time. It’s a way of living—of continuously working through tension points to release their grip on you rather than shying away from the tension itself. In short: Growth demands a new you. In the sections below, we’re going to explore the three things that hold us in our comfort zone and how to break free from them so we can finally step out of our comfort zone and leap right into the growth zone, and stay there.

The Comfort Pull: What’s Holding You Back From Leaping Forward? Your comfort zone is tempting. It’s that comfy couch that calls you over, wraps you with warmth, and then sulks you deeper into its core. It’s seductive. But linger in it a little too long and it becomes harder to stand up again—the gravitational pull is too strong. And that’s the reason you stay stagnant where you are. You’re not in motion or action. When you’re not moving, you’re not exploring. And when you’re not engaging in new experiences, you’re not learning or building new skills—you’re just there, existing in time, but not evolving through it. Not venturing, not gaining. But hey, I hear you. I know you get it. And I know you have dreams you want to reach. You want to write that book. You want to join that new startup. You want to move to Bali. You want to start that side project. But why is it that you’re still stuck in this zone? And why is it so hard to get out of it?

The Comfort Pull There are three tension points that keep us cemented in our comfort zones: Our mindset, overthinking fear, and a lack of action. 1. Mindset. First and foremost, there’s no fire to light the spark. And if there’s no fire underneath your seat, how do you expect yourself to jolt upward and start the run? Look, you need a goal that inspires you. Because for a goal to matter, it has to stretch you. And for you to stretch with it, you have to first believe that you can achieve that goal. In other words, you need to work from what psychologist and author Carol Dweck coined the Growth Mindset, which, in her words, is “based on the belief that your basic qualities are things you can cultivate through your efforts, your strategies, and help from others.” Your qualities, confidence, and capabilities are not fixed; they are mobile. They evolve, just like you do. Right now, you’re thinking too small (you’re not inspired) and you’re working from a fixed mindset (which belittles you).

2. Fear. Fear of the unknown. Fear of uncertainty. Fear of failure. Fear is the second reason the harness continues to tug you back. You’re afraid of the unknown that change will bring with it, but have you considered that change is the constant? Whether you create it or not, change will happen. The safety of your comfort zone is just an illusion because the unknown is always just that—an unknown. You might’ve thought that your comfortable job was “safe” and then the unknown arrived in the form of a pandemic and you lost it. Here’s what you need to realize: Your life can change in an instant. Uncertainty is the way. You’re also held back by the fear of failure, but failure is just another word for “lessons learned.” And so the question is, are you really afraid of learning new lessons? Of course not. And then you say: “I don’t know how to leap.” To which I say, the comforting pull is so strong because you’re so obsessed with “the how”—with trying to plan every inch of every move, figure out every step of the way, and map out every detail of the process in an attempt to eliminate the unknown, the uncertainty, and the risk of failure. But that’s not how life works—we can only control a small degree of it. When you let ‘the how’ overshadow ‘the what’, you overwhelm yourself with unknowns, uncertainties, and fragmented imaginations. What happens next? You feel discouraged. You stifle yourself. And you sink deeper into that couch.

(a) 3. Action. In part due to your fixed mindset, and in part due to your fearful overthinking, you are now left powerless. The pull of comfort is far greater than the pull of growth, and so you haven’t even tried to take the smallest action toward your goal—you haven’t given yourself the chance to validate that it is possible to shed the old and grow into the new. So to bring it all together, here’s why you feel stuck in that comfort zone: 1. You have the wrong mindset; your goals don’t inspire you and you don’t believe that you can reach them even if they did. 2. You’re overthinking the fear. 3. You haven’t tried to step out of it. How to Get Out of That Comfort Zone The irony of the comfort zone is this: You will most likely not be willing to step out of your comfort zone and into discomfort until you are extremely uncomfortable with the comfort zone itself. Think about it: Not until you’re totally bored with the comfort of your corporate job, will you consider applying to that startup. Not until you’re fed up with the hustle and bustle of the city routine, will you consider the move to Bali. Not until you’ve mastered the learning curve of blogging, delved into its familiarity, and feel like you’ve hit the ceiling with it, will you consider to start writing that book. (b) When you sit to reply to your work emails and you feel the life within your soul escape your body, that’s the sign that a new version of you needs to step in and make change happen—one who isn’t afraid to take action and make the switch. When you sneer at anyone who’s living the remote life you dream of and mask your jealousy with scrutiny and doubt, that’s the sign that a new version of you needs to step in and make change happen—one who is confident in their qualities and their ability to figure it out if they commit to it. So here’s the message I want you to remember: Discomfort in the status quo is a sign that it’s time to make a change, and discomfort demands a new version of you to show up. We tend to think that discomfort is our enemy. But what if we changed the lens we’re looking through? What if we began to see discomfort for what it is: Our ally? The voice. A whisper so loud, it trembles our body. Our inner guidance tells us that we are meant for more because we are capable of more. And what if we allow it to move us into action? "Discomfort in our comfort zone is the sign that it’s time for us to step out of that zone and get really uncomfortable as we fully step forward into our growth zone." Read that line again. (c) I learned this when I realized it was time for me to leave the comfort of my parents and move alone to France and learn French. It was the most thrilling and exciting adventure in my early twenties and I went back home to a different person. I learned this when I felt so uncomfortable curling within the comfort of working at a place like Google that I was compelled to shake things up and try and forge my own path through entrepreneurship. I experienced the most personal and professional growth of my life within that first one year of faith alone, compared to all the previous working years combined. That’s the power of discomfort—it pushes you away from the perils of comfort and pulls you into the bliss of growth. So how do you step out of that comfort zone? You need to identify the tension point and work through it. As mentioned earlier, there are three of them: mindset, fear, and action. Here’s how you work through those tension points to break free from their grip so you can walk straight into the boundless growth zone.

1. Change your mindset—believe you can. There are two points here. First, you want your goal to inspire you. To make you feel so damn excited about life you pick up your chair, throw it out the window, and dance with joy. Okay, not that excited, but you know what I mean. The goal of launching your own side project and seeing it grow is inspiring. It will get you moving. The goal of taking a year off to live abroad and experience a new way of living is exciting. It will get you moving. Second, you want to nurture a growth mindset. Right now, you might be living with a fixed mindset—you believe that your qualities are set in stone and thus, you cannot change. Drop that idea altogether. With a growth mindset, believe that you are capable of change and expansion , that you can improve with consistent effort. In her book, Mindset, Carol Dweck writes: “My research has shown that the view you adopt for yourself profoundly affects the way you lead your life. The growth mindset is based on the belief that your basic qualities are things you can cultivate through your efforts, your strategies, and help from others. Believe that you can and break free from your limiting beliefs. Your skills are learned, developed, and improved through deliberate practice and continued effort. If you still don’t believe me, or Carol, then read this article on how in five days you can become an artist.

(a) 2. Stop overthinking—work with that fear, not against it. In his book The Originals, Adam Grant mentions a study done at Harvard Business School where professor Alison Brooks asked students to deliver persuasive speeches in front of a judging panel. With only two minutes to prepare, many students were “visibly shaking.” So to help them manage their fear, Professor Brooks asked the students to speak three words out loud before they delivered their speech. She randomly assigned them to say either “I am calm” or “I am excited.” This was the result: “When students labeled their emotions as excitement, their speeches were rated as 17 percent more persuasive and 15 percent more confident than those of students who branded themselves calmly. Reframing fear as excitement also motivated the speakers, boosting the average length of their speeches by 29 percent.” Fear only rises when we are interested in an action that scares us. (b) Fear equals interest because we only feel it when we’re dealing with something we truly care about. The students above wanted to deliver good speeches to their judges, so naturally, they felt fear. Otherwise, why would they? Your fear of uncertainty, fear of failure, fear of the unknown—fear in general—is an indicator. It means you’re consciously trying to make change happen, and so resistance presents itself in the form of fear or self-doubt to try and stop you. That’s the tension you need to dissolve; and you do so by working with it, not against it. You reframe fear into an equally intense emotion. You lean into it and allow it to motivate you, not shrink you. You match its negative intensity of “I am afraid” with another equally intense positive emotion: “I am excited.”

(a) 3. Take action—bridge the “unknown” gap with one small step. When you drive late at night, can you see what lies way ahead of you? No. You see only as far as your headlights beam. And yet, you drive in peace and faith because you have your destination in mind and you know that the next miles will reveal themselves to you as you approach them. The same principle applies in life: All you need is a goal, the map reveals itself to you as you begin walking the path. That’s why in his book, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, Stephen Covey wrote: “Begin with the end in mind.” No one expects you to know the exact steps you’re going to take. Life doesn’t work that way. All you need is a goal and the clarity for the next step you need to take. You bridge the gap between where you are and where you want to be one small step at a time. “The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.”—Lao Tzu So how do you apply this? (b) The 10 Steps That Will Get You Out of Your Comfort Zone and into Your Growth Zone 1. Show up. Get so uncomfortable being in your comfort zone and realize that all you’ve done thus far has brought you to where you are today, so where you want to go will demand a totally new version of you to start showing up. 2. Reflect. Reflect on your motivations and get clear on why you are ready to step out of this zone. Write them down so you remember them. Also, consider what would happen in a few years if you don’t take action today to change that status quo. Will you look back in regret? Most probably, you will. 3. Write down your goal. What’s the direction you want to move your life in? Remind yourself every single day of that goal and why you want to achieve it.

(a) 4. Shift your identity. A goal is not about the achievement, it’s about the person you become because of it. Every new goal demands a new version of you to show up—a new identity. So, ask yourself: “Who must I become?” Describe yourself with the qualities of that person. See yourself today, and behave, as who you wish to become tomorrow. 5. Build up your confidence and growth mindset. Accept the idea that you can figure it out, you can make it happen, and that once you take one small action in the direction of your goal, all the “unknowns” will start to reveal themselves to you. Train yourself to value growth over comfort, learning over-familiarity, and failure and effort over never trying. 6. Reframe fear into excitement. Which of the six fears is it? Work with it, not against it. Realize that there will be enormous self-doubt and insecurity, and that’s completely natural—that is the way. Discomfort is the way forward—there is no other way. As you continue to walk the path, you will gain experience and experience is what teaches you how to better manage those emotions. (b) 7. Move and take one baby step after another. Action begets clarity. Once you know what it is you want, you now have a direction to move into. Now, ask yourself: “What’s the next step I can take?” Keep moving and whatever happens, don’t give up or turn back. 8. Surround yourself with a supportive group of people. Keep company with the ones who will uplift you, not the ones who will shut you down. The ones who you will see your enthusiasm and cheer you on, not the ones who will dampen it in vain. Your environment will play a big role here. Let go of the critics and hang onto the supporters. There’s nothing bleaker than having your spirit wrecked because of someone’s lingering pessimistic presence. 9. Don’t take yourself too seriously. Laugh at yourself and your mistakes. Consider how your adventures will become brilliant stories that people will want to hear. And when you fall (and you will), scrap the dust off your knees and get back up. What’s the meaning of a win if we never learn how to lose? 10. Focus on the good stuff. Water your strengths. Celebrate your progress. Have fun and enjoy the journey of “figuring it out” because that’s what life’s about.

What Matters to You In the comfort zone, which is where most of us spend our time, life feels safe. But everything we dream of becoming lies in the growth zone. In that second zone, you will feel vulnerable and afraid, and insecure, but in that struggle, that’s where the magic happens. That’s where the growth and learning take place. That’s where you evolve. Change begins when we recognize that the pain of living in this stagnant, unsatisfying, and familiar zone is much worse than the discomfort of stepping outside of it, growing, and trying new things. Lean into that experience of discomfort and don’t shrink back because you have to go through the realm of discomfort to get what you want in life—there is no other way. Starting before you’re ready isn’t easy, but if you want to change, it’s necessary. Psychologist Abraham Maslow once wrote that “You will either step forward into growth, or you will step backward into safety.” If you step into growth, in the long run, it will equip you with the skills, knowledge, and experience that will lead you to safety. Between where you are today and where you want to be—who you are today and who you want to become—there’s discomfort. It’s the passage that carries you forward. Embrace it, and you will bloom. Shun it away, and you will shrink. As the saying goes: “Nothing ventured, nothing gained.” Leap, plant your feet firmly in that growth zone, and don’t look back. But first, life is demanding a new version of you to show up. The question is, will you?

(a) One Small Mental Shift to Help You Overcome Your Fear of Taking Action There’s a scene in The Lord of the Rings where a character named Boromir fiddles with a ring in his hand and wonders: “It is a strange fate that we should suffer so much fear and doubt over such a thing.” While the plot revolves around the mission to destroy this one mighty evil “ring of power” that bears so much burden onto its carrier, the thoughts uttered above hold a weight of their own in real life—especially when it comes to us falling victims to fear and not taking action against what we genuinely desire. You want to build yourself a business, but you’re too afraid to invest your money into it. You want to write and share your ideas online, but you’re too afraid of external judgment. You want to travel the world, but you’re too afraid of doing it alone. So what happens next? You allow that fear to anchor you down and restrain you from taking even one small step forward in the direction of your goals. I say this because it’s true; because I felt all those feelings long before I took my first steps in faith. I suffered, as you do, “so much fear and doubt over such a thing.” (b) In Letters From a Stoic, first-century Stoic Philosopher Seneca wrote: “There are more things… likely to frighten us than there are to crush us; we suffer more often in imagination than in reality.” Since ancient times, humans have struggled with fear and doubt. Fast forward centuries onward, and today, we continue to suffer because we entertain the wrong side of our imagination. We fall into the rabbit hole and engage with—and cling onto—irrational thoughts, so much so that we end up believing that something is far worse than it actually is. In psychology and cognitive behavioral therapy, this phenomenon is referred to as “catastrophizing.” The problem is, as we continue to imagine the worst—to catastrophize the future—we begin to perceive our imagination as our reality. We end up shackling ourselves in our place and thus rendering ourselves incapable of taking action to face our overly exaggerated fears. But hold on just yet, there is a way around this. There is one small mental shift, a way to defeat that fear, and it begins with a realization that fear is void of the past or the present—fear is nothing more than a deceptive creation that lives in the future.

(a) Fear As Seen Through The Rear-View Mirror What am I afraid of? Do you ever stop to ask yourself that question? If you did, you would arrive at the realization that fear lives in the future—that while the feeling of being afraid is real and evident today, the fear itself is an illusion because the very thought you fear is not something that has even happened yet. And as you dig deeper, you will realize that what you actually fear is the imaginary event or outcome that might happen in the future, not the action that you must face in this present moment. Your fear of investing your money into your business is rooted in the projected fear of what might happen in the future: failure and bankruptcy. Your fear of launching your blog and starting to write in public is rooted in the projected fear of what might happen in the future: the scrutiny and judgment from others. Your fear of applying to that job or MBA program is rooted in the projected fear of what might happen in the future: rejection. But have you stopped to consider that, most of the time, you have no guarantee or evidence to say that the outcome you so dreadfully fear is going to even happen? Even if it does, who said it’s going to be that bad or scary? It was Albert Einstein who once said that: "Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one." We are so deeply wrapped up in our self-constructed mental stories that we now cling to beliefs without questioning what is true and what is false. What is make-belief and what is reality? In the words above, Einstein reminds us that what we experience in life is a projection of the thoughts we entertain—our reality is merely a perception, an illusion. Hence what we choose to focus on expands to shape the reality we experience. And as we continue to think the same way (fearing an imaginary outcome in the future), so do we continue to experience the same emotions (feeling afraid in the present moment). So how do we defeat fear? We view it from the rearview mirror. (b) As Jen Sincero writes in You Are a Badass: "No matter how intimidating your next great leap forward seems at the moment, it will be a pipsqueak when you look back on it someday. So why wait? Why not look at it through pipsqueak-colored glasses right now? Envision your challenges from the future, look back on them from a place of victory, and they will lose much of their power to paralyze you." Take a moment to look back and think about some radical things you once did, long ago in the past, and remember how it paralyzed you with fear. Now, retrace your gaze back to the present moment. How terrifying does this same thought feel now? Can you conjure up the same emotions of hesitation and doubt? Or is it something you reflect on and realize how little significance it bears? And doesn’t that the same event that you dreaded years ago, now gift you with the experience, courage, and wisdom to repeat it with ease and do it 10x better? Here’s what I want you to realize: We build events up in our heads and feed them to become some of the most terrifying things we would ever do in our lives, and that stops us from taking any action toward them. But if you stop for a second to step out of that jar, you will be able to read the label for what it is: Fear is a falsified construction of the mind. Face it with this perspective—this truth—and fear will lose its power over you

(a) The Mental Shift: Once You Take The First Small Step, Everything Else Becomes Easier Once you accept fear for what it is, an imaginary projection—an illusion that only arises as a form of resistance to something you’re genuinely interested in—you’re now in the driver’s seat and in control of your destiny. And this is where the mental shift that would help you overcome the fear of taking action comes in. It’s simple: Take the first small step forward, and everything else becomes easier. I speak from experience: Once I overcame the fear of quitting my job, quitting the next one became so much easier. Once I overcame the fear of investing my money to start my own business, starting the next one has now become so much easier. Once I overcame the fear of writing online and published my first article, writing the next one became so much easier. What I dreadfully feared once has now become another natural step along the way. Why does this happen? (b) Because the first time you finally muster the courage to take action toward what you fear, you size down that fear from the illusionary mountain that it is perceived to be to a small stone by your feet. And as you continue to repeat that same action over and over again, you continue to trim that fear into a weightless pebble. In the words of Napoleon Hill, author of Think and Grow Rich: “Fear can be effectively cured by forced repetition of acts of courage.” So what are you afraid of? Take one small step against it. And then another. And another. In time, your fear will diminish, and your faith will grow. Yes, the first step is the hardest, but each subsequent one that follows becomes a little easier… Years later you will look back and think “this wasn’t as bad as I had imagined it to be… It’s strange that I suffered so much fear and doubt over so small a thing.”

___What Matters to You In Letters From a Stoic, Seneca continued with his explanation of imaginary fear: “The mind at times fashions for itself false shapes of evil when there are no signs that point to any evil; it twists into the worst construction some word of doubtful meaning… Some things torment us more than they ought; some torment us before they ought; and some torment us when they ought not to torment us at all. We are in the habit of exaggerating, or imagining, or anticipating, sorrow.” Stop catastrophizing. Stop assuming the worst and squandering your emotional and mental energies. Stop imagining and exaggerating what might be, and start accepting what is and watering what good can come from the action you take. Be prudent and cautious, but never hesitant or inactive because when you don’t take any action, you will fail by default. Perhaps it’s best to end with another piece of wisdom from The Lord of The Rings: “All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us.” Decide not to be riddled by fear. Decide not to waste the time that has been gifted to you. Decide to take action and make things happen so you don’t look back in regret.

How to Deal with Adversity: When The Wave of Adversity Hits, Let it Wash Over You When the wave of adversity hits, it arrives unexpectedly. It sweeps you into its current with full force and rigor and without a hint of care, kindness, or compassion. One moment you’re driving your car on the freeway, and in the next, you’re stretched out in an ambulance. One moment you’re watching a show on Netflix, and in the next, you’re dealing with the shock of the diagnosis. One moment you’re preparing for a meeting at work, and in the next, you’re reading an email about how you’ve been let go from your job because the economy is struggling to adjust in the presence of this lingering pandemic. When the wave of adversity hits, it arrives in the form of a tsunami. It’s big. It’s overwhelming. It’s scary. And, in an instant, it sweeps away all sense of normality... Adversity has no mercy. Last week, I was invited to speak on a podcast. While on the call, I was asked this question: “The pandemic has left a lot of people jobless and lost. They’re struggling. What is your message to them?”

I paused, for a moment, and then replied with words of encouragement: Try to focus only on what’s within your control. Journal often makes sense of the struggles and processes your emotions. Realize that no one has it all figured out. Try and focus on the little things that you can be grateful for every day. Choose one thing (a skill, a practice, a hobby) that can serve as your daily anchor and stick to it. We ended the call on that note, but that question stayed with me for a little longer. It left me pondering: What do you do when the wave of adversity hits? What do you do when it crushes you like a rock and knocks you down in utter shock, floundering with defeat and struggle? You do the only thing you can. You let the wave wash all over you.

The Only Way Out is Through In a poem dating back to 1915, poet Robert Frost wrote that “the best way out is always through.” Well, sometimes, the only way out is through. And that is especially true when we’re faced with adversity. Where do we run? And what’s the use? We are given no option but to let that wave wash over us. To submerge with it. To let it carry us back to shore. Because it will—it always does. And, sure, when we reach that shore, we arrive exhausted, worn-out, with scraped knees and a broken spirit, but we will manage to stand up again—we always do. When the wave of adversity hits, we renounce our inner-will. We claim defeat. We fall victim to the flawed belief that we will drown because we think we don’t have the strength in us to survive the struggle ahead. But we do—we always do. So whether you’re dealing with adversity today or will be faced with another wave tomorrow, here’s what I want you to realize: The only way out of it is through it. You’ll naturally want to flee and you’ll naturally want to resist, but resistance will lead you nowhere because resistance to what is will only cause further suffering and confusion. So here’s what to do when adversity hits: Accept it, adapt to it, and evolve through it.

When The Wave of Adversity Hits, First, Accept it Three years ago I flew off a bike and blacked out on the street. When I opened my eyes, my vision was level with the ground. Two men lifted me off the pavement and a circle of strangers came to my aid. In an instant, the wave of adversity knocked me straight off my path in life. It fractured my spine and tibia, tore a ligament in my knee, and dragged me into an unexpected 9-month recovery journey. In the few weeks that ensued, I found myself constantly asking these questions: “Why did this happen to me?” “Why am I so unlucky?” “Why me?” We all deal with the same initial chain of thoughts. And that’s okay—it’s normal. That’s how we deal with the shock of the event. But it’s the continuous dwelling on our misfortunes that destroys us. When we entertain the thoughts of resistance and denial, we become delusional and we drown with the wave of despair. We suffocate as we continue to belittle ourselves by kicking and screaming and playing the victim role. We self-absorb and obsess over our troubles. We draw a shadow from within the shadow. We narrow our vision. We dim our lights. And we do all this because we get so sucked into the vicious stream of our negativity bias, that we begin to attract and pile up more negative thoughts for ourselves… It is our own doing.

Your only job right now is to keep your head above the water. Your only job right now is to accept what happened—that’s how you override that negativity bias. Accept where you are. Accept the wave and the damage it has done. Because the sooner you accept what happened to you, the faster you’ll allow yourself to pivot in a more positive direction. And one of the most resolute philosophies that will allow you to practice this acceptance is the Stoic philosophy of Amor Fati. The love of fate. Amor Fati is the full acceptance of what occurs to you in your life—for the good and the bad—regardless of whether or not it’s your own doing. It’s to surrender with devout courage to the flow of life. As Eckhart Tolle explains in The Power of Now: “Surrender is the simple but profound wisdom of yielding rather than opposing the flow of life.” Amor Fati is what German and Stoic philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche described in his book, The Gay Science, as the art of making ugly things look beautiful: “I want to learn more and more to see what is necessary for things; then I shall be one of those who make things beautiful. Amor fate: let that be my love henceforth! I do not want to wage war against what is ugly.” When the wave of adversity hits, do not wage war on it. Do not kick and scream and fight it. Instead, embrace it. Allow it. Accept it. It’s hard to do, but it’s necessary. Don’t waste your time and energy wishing that things could have gone differently. You know what? They could’ve. I’m with you on that. They definitely could’ve gone differently, but they didn’t. So yield to the flow of life. That’s the only way you can start thinking straight and taking action.

First, Accept it, And Then, Adapt to it When the global pandemic hit, we went into a frenzy. We thought it was the end for us, but of course, it wasn’t. Perhaps the wave was bigger than usual, and it took a few months longer for it to wash us back ashore, but eventually, it did. Some people arrived with tears in their eyes. Some with bruises to their hearts. Others with shattered financials. But everyone—everyone—adapted (and continues to adapt). As Charles Darwin’s theory of evolution tells us, adaptation to novel and changing environments is the way through which one evolves. So when the wave of adversity hits, first, accept it, and then adapt to it. Ask yourself the questions of what and how. What can I learn from this experience? How can I make it easier for me to deal with this change? How can I spend my energy doing something useful with my time? What is one thing I enjoy that I can repeat every day, to serve as my life jacket and keep my head above the water, allow me to grow, and remind me that no matter how hard things get, I am still here, on earth, alive, with oxygen in my lungs and a pounding heart in my chest? Accept the reality and adapt to it by taking conscious action to work with your adversity and not against it.

First, Accept it, And Then, Adapt to it, So You Can Evolve Through it After my accident, I spent the entire summer recovering: Six weeks on crutches, a month of physiotherapy treatments to prepare me for knee surgery, after which, two weeks of laying flat on the bed, and then two more months of physiotherapy. However, it was in the first few days after surgery that I felt really sorry for myself. I felt sorry for this terribly unfortunate incident. For the stroke of bad luck that was struck upon me. And it was on my third or fourth day that I arrived at the realization that life goes on—that we always have a choice: We can either lean into our new reality and respond to it, or we can simply react to it and do nothing about it. As per the words of Viktor Frankl: “Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.” When you react with emotion, nothing changes, you merely survive, but when you respond with action, you create movement, and thus you evolve. I chose to respond. So I turned back to that question mentioned above and asked myself: “What is one thing I enjoy that I can repeat every day, to serve as my life jacket and keep my head above the water, allow me to grow, and remind me that no matter how hard things get, I am still here, on earth, alive, with oxygen in my lungs and a pounding heart in my chest?” And so, for 30 days, I wrote. That was what kept me floating with a wavering sense of enthusiasm. That was what helped keep my head above the water: Writing stories, thoughts, and ideas in the form of a 100-page book. When the wave of adversity hits, first, accept it, and then, adapt to it, so you can evolve through it.

(a) _____What Matters to You Let’s revert all the way back to that initial question: “The pandemic has left a lot of people jobless and lost. They’re struggling. What is your message to them?” My message to you is simple. Accept your adversity. Shit happens and it hurts. Trust me, I know. I lost 60% of my wholesaling accounts with my online eCommerce business because of COVID. Instead of dwelling and resisting, accept it. That’s how you override your negativity bias and thus create less stress and suffering for yourself. Adapt to the situation. Focus only on what you can control and make the positive changes that will allow you to maneuver forward in a healthy mental and emotional state. Evolve through it. Choose one thing you enjoy that you can do every single day that will allow you to grow. When the pandemic hit, I doubled down on writing. I knew my business would not be a sufficient source of income, so I shifted gears and transitioned into writing. My income slowly grew, my narrative skills improved, and so did I mentally evolve through it. (b) When the wave of adversity hits, let it wash over you. Soon enough, you will stand back up again. Yes, you will be bruised and in pain, and you will be exhausted, but after every wave (or wave) of adversity, there will always be another much greater wave that will wash over you. That’s the wave of gratitude—a more gentle, kind, and compassionate wave forged by pride and appreciation. It’s a wave that illuminates the truth: You’ve weathered the storm you never thought you could. It passed and you survived. And now, you’re standing up straight again. The wreckage is evident, the scars are tender, and perhaps the wound still bleeds, but you’re somehow reborn, for the wave of adversity has made you stronger, not weaker. What you so feared and fought early on in your journey has now weaved itself into the very fabric of who you’ve become. What once was insurmountable adversity, has now become your victory story. And that, my friend, is how you evolve through adversities: You grow more grateful for those struggles, more appreciative of all the little blessings in life, and thus, a more beautiful being because of them.