📕𝘾𝙃13:(🐛𝙏𝙃𝙀15 𝙑Æ𝙇𝙐𝘼𝙉𝙇𝙀 𝙇𝘼𝙒 𝙤𝙛

[P1] 𝕋ℍ𝔼 𝟙𝟝 𝕀ℕ𝕍𝔸𝕃𝕌𝔸𝔹𝕃𝔼 𝕃𝔸𝕎𝕊 𝕆𝔽 𝔾ℝ𝕆𝕎𝕋ℍ. “LIVE THEM AND REACH YOUR POTENTIAL” - JOHN C. MAXWELL- ＣＨＡＰＴＥＲ １３ 𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗟𝗮𝘄 𝗼𝗳 𝗠𝗼𝗱𝗲𝗹𝗶𝗻𝗴 ɪᴛ’ꜱ ʜᴀʀᴅ ᴛᴏ ɪᴍᴘʀᴏᴠᴇ ᴡʜᴇɴ ʏᴏᴜ ʜᴀᴠᴇ ɴᴏ ᴏɴᴇ ʙᴜᴛ ʏᴏᴜʀꜱᴇʟꜰ ᴛᴏ ꜰᴏʟʟᴏᴡ. 𝘛𝘩𝘦 𝘮𝘰𝘴𝘵 𝘪𝘮𝘱𝘰𝘳𝘵𝘢𝘯𝘵 𝘱𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘰𝘯𝘢𝘭-𝘨𝘳𝘰𝘸𝘵𝘩 𝘱𝘩𝘳𝘢𝘴𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘸𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘳 𝘢 𝘨𝘰𝘰𝘥 𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘥𝘦𝘳 𝘴𝘢𝘺 𝘵𝘰 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘪𝘴 “𝘧𝘰𝘭𝘭𝘰𝘸 𝘮𝘦.” In the Law of Intentionality chapter, I wrote about how in 1972 I searched unsuccessfully for people who had growth plans to help me learn how to develop my own. That prompted me to buy the kit that Curt Kampmeier offered and started me on the path of intentional personal growth. That provided a great start for me, but I have to admit that my early development process was hit or miss. I was learning according to trial and error. On the positive side, personal growth became my number one priority. I was learning how to choose books to read, lessons to listen to, and conferences to attend. At first I took a scattershot approach. I grabbed hold of anything that appealed to me. But I wasn’t getting the traction I had hoped for. Then I figured out that I needed to focus my growth on my areas of personal strength: leadership, relationships, and communication. When I did that, my effectiveness in growth started to increase. I also started to learn how to glean from what I was studying. Resources have little value unless you can pull from them the essentials that you need. That meant learning to take useful notes, gathering quotes, and reflecting on what I was learning. I often summarized what I learned and wrote action points inside the front cover of a book that was significant to me. And it meant collecting, categorizing, and filing stories and quotes every day. I also put into practice anything I learned at my earliest opportunity. All of these practices became part of my daily discipline, and have continued to be part of it for the last forty years. My car became my classroom as I listened to tapes and later CDs. The desk in my study always had a stack of books that I was working through. My files were continually growing. I was growing, my leadership was improving, and I was seeing better results professionally. On the negative side, I came to a realization around this same time. Personal growth without the benefit of personal mentors could take me only so far. If I wanted to become the leader I desired to be—and believed that God had created me to become—I needed to find models who were ahead of me to learn from. Why? Because it’s hard to improve when you have no one but yourself to follow. That’s the lesson of the Law of Modeling. 

[P2] 𝐖𝐡𝐨𝐦 𝐒𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐈 𝐅𝐨𝐥𝐥𝐨𝐰?. I have learned a lot from people I’ve never met. Dale Carnegie taught me people skills when I read 𝘏𝘰𝘸 𝘵𝘰 𝘞𝘪𝘯 𝘍𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘯𝘥𝘴 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘐𝘯𝘧𝘭𝘶𝘦𝘯𝘤𝘦 𝘗𝘦𝘰𝘱𝘭𝘦 in junior high school. James Allen helped me understand that my attitude and the way that I thought would impact the course of my life when I read As a 𝘔𝘢𝘯 𝘛𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘬𝘦𝘵𝘩. And Oswald Sanders revealed the importance of leadership to me for the first time when I read his book 𝘚𝘱𝘪𝘳𝘪𝘵𝘶𝘢𝘭 𝘓𝘦𝘢𝘥𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘩𝘪𝘱. Most people who decide to grow personally find their first mentors in the pages of books. That is a great place to start. For that matter, it’s a great place to continue. I am still learning from dozens of people every year that I will never meet. But at some point, you must find personal models too. If you follow only yourself, you will find yourself going in circles. ᴍᴏꜱᴛ ᴘᴇᴏᴘʟᴇ ᴡʜᴏ ᴅᴇᴄɪᴅᴇ ᴛᴏ ɢʀᴏᴡ ᴘᴇʀꜱᴏɴᴀʟʟʏ ꜰɪɴᴅ ᴛʜᴇɪʀ ꜰɪʀꜱᴛ ᴍᴇɴᴛᴏʀꜱ ɪɴ ᴛʜᴇ ᴘᴀɢᴇꜱ ᴏꜰ ʙᴏᴏᴋꜱ. I have had the privilege of connecting with many leaders whose modeling I have found worthy of imitation. People such as consultant Fred Smith, speaker Zig Ziglar, and coach John Wooden have helped me tremendously. Others, who looked better from a distance than they actually were when I got to know them, turned out to be disappointments. Which just goes to show that you must be selective when it comes to choosing mentors and models. I smile every time I think of the two derelicts sunning themselves on a park bench. The first guy said, “The reason I’m here is because I refused to listen to anyone.” The second guy responded, “The reason I’m here is because I listened to everyone.” Neither course of action is helpful. You must be selective in who you choose as a mentor. From both the positive and the negative experiences I’ve had with mentors, I have developed criteria to determine the “worthiness” of a model for me to follow. I share them with you in the hope that they will help you to make good choices for this area of your growth.

[P3] 1. 𝘼 𝙂𝙤𝙤𝙙 𝙈𝙚𝙣𝙩𝙤𝙧 𝙄𝙨 𝙖 𝙒𝙤𝙧𝙩𝙝𝙮 𝙀𝙭𝙖𝙢𝙥𝙡𝙚. We become like the people we admire and the models we follow. For that reason, we should take great care when determining which people we ask to mentor us. They must not only display professional excellence and possess skill sets from which we can learn, they must also demonstrate character worthy of emulating. Many athletes, celebrities, politicians, and business leaders today try to disavow being any kind of role model when others are already following them and mimicking their behavior. They want people to separate their personal behavior from their professional life, but such a division cannot really be made. Religious leader and author Gordon B. Hinckley advised, It is not wise, or even possible, to divorce private behavior from public leadership—though there are those who have gone to great lengths to suggest that this is the only possible view of “enlightened” individuals. They are wrong. They are deceived. By its very nature, true leadership carries with it the burden of being an example. Is it asking too much of any public officer, elected by his or her constituents, to stand tall and be a model before the people—not only in the ordinary aspects of leadership but in his or her behavior? If values aren’t established and adhered to at the top, behavior down the ranks is seriously jeopardized and undermined. Indeed, in any organization where such is the case— be it a family, a corporation, a society, or a nation—the values being neglected will in time disappear. As you look for role models and mentors, scrutinize their personal lives as carefully as their public performance. Your values will be influenced by theirs, so you shouldn’t be too casual who you choose to follow.

[P4] 2. 𝘼 𝙂𝙤𝙤𝙙 𝙈𝙚𝙣𝙩𝙤𝙧 𝙄𝙨 𝘼𝙫𝙖𝙞𝙡𝙖𝙗𝙡𝙚 Steel magnate and philanthropist Andrew Carnegie said, “As I grow older I pay less attention to what men say. I just watch what they do.” For us to be able to observe models up close and see what they do, we must have some contact with them. That requires access and availability. For us to be actively mentored, we must have time with people to ask questions and learn from their answers. “As I grow older I pay less attention to what men say. I just watch what they do.” —Andrew Carnegie When I mentor people, we usually meet officially only a few times a year. However, during the year we sometimes spend time together informally. Many of their mentoring questions are stimulated by my actions, not my words. That thought humbles me, because I know at times I fall short of the ideals and values that I teach. As I have often said, my greatest leadership challenge is leading me! Teaching people what to do is easy. Showing them is much more difficult. My greatest leadership challenge is leading me! The greatest piece of advice I can give in the area of availability is that when you are looking for a mentor, don’t shoot too high too soon. If you’re considering going into politics for the first time, you don’t need the advice of the president of the United States. If you are a high school student thinking about learning to play the cello, you don’t need to be mentored by Yo-Yo Ma. If you’re fresh out of school and just starting your career, don’t expect to get extensive mentoring time from the CEO of your organization. Why shouldn’t I? you may be thinking. Why not start with the best? First of all, if you’re just starting out, nearly all of your questions can be answered by someone two or three levels ahead you of you (not ten). And their answers will be fresh because they will have recently dealt with the issues you’re dealing with. Second, CEOs need to be spending their time answering the questions of the people who are on the verge of leading at their level. I’m not saying you should never go to the top. I’m saying spend the majority of your time being mentored by people who are available, willing, and suited for the stage of your career. And as you progress in your development, find new mentors for your new level of growth. 

[P5] 3. 𝘼 𝙂𝙤𝙤𝙙 𝙈𝙚𝙣𝙩𝙤𝙧 𝙃𝙖𝙨 𝙋𝙧𝙤𝙫𝙚𝙣 𝙀𝙭𝙥𝙚𝙧𝙞𝙚𝙣𝙘𝙚 The farther you go in the pursuit of your potential, the more new ground you will have to break. How do you figure out how to proceed? Benefit from others’ experience. As the Chinese proverb says, “To know the road ahead, ask those coming back.” “To know the road ahead, ask those coming back.” —Chinese proverb In the early 1970s when my church was growing rapidly, I realized I was moving into territory that I hadn’t been in before, nor had anyone I knew. To help me figure out how to lead better in this new territory, I began to seek out successful church leaders in larger churches around the country. I’ve told the story many times of how I offered $100 to them for thirty minutes of their time. Many graciously agreed to meet with me. I’d go to the meeting armed with a legal pad full of questions and pick their brains. I can hardly explain how much I learned in those sessions. Every time I’ve entered into a new venture, I’ve sought the advice of people with proven experience. When I started my first business, I talked to successful businesspeople who could give me advice. When I wanted to write my first book, I sat at the feet of successful authors who could guide me. To learn to communicate more effectively, I studied communicators. Hearing about their bad experiences made me aware of potential problems I would be facing up the road. Hearing about their good experiences gave me an anticipation of potential opportunities up ahead of me. “All leaders are influenced by those they admire. Reading about them and studying their traits inevitably allows an inspiring leader to develop his own leadership traits.” —Rudy Giuliani I don’t know of a successful person who hasn’t learned from more experienced people. Sometimes they follow in their footsteps. Other times they use their advice to help them break new ground. Former New York City mayor Rudy Giuliani says, “All leaders are influenced by those they admire. Reading about them and studying their traits inevitably allows an inspiring leader to develop his own leadership traits.” 

[P6] 4. 𝘼 𝙂𝙤𝙤𝙙 𝙈𝙚𝙣𝙩𝙤𝙧 𝙋𝙤𝙨𝙨𝙚𝙨𝙨𝙚𝙨 𝙒𝙞𝙨𝙙𝙤𝙢 There’s a well-known story of an expert who was called by a company to look at their manufacturing system. It had broken and everything was at a standstill. When the expert arrived, he carried nothing but a little black bag. Silently he walked around the equipment for a few minutes and then stopped. As he focused on one specific area of the equipment, he pulled a small hammer out of his bag and he tapped it gently. Suddenly everything began running again, and he quietly left. The next day he sent a bill that made the manager go ballistic. It was for $1,000! Quickly the manager e-mailed the expert and wrote, “I will not pay this outrageous bill without it being itemized and explained.” Soon he received an invoice with the following words: For the tapping on equipment with hammer—$1. For knowing where to tap—$999. That is the value of wisdom! Mentors with wisdom often show us where to tap. Their understanding, experience, and knowledge help us to solve problems that we would have a hard time handling on our own. Fred Smith was a mentor who often deposited wisdom into my life. One day I asked him why highly successful people often sabotaged their lives and hurt their careers. He said, “Never confuse the giftedness of a person with the person. Their gifts allow them to do amazing things but the person may be flawed, which will eventually cause harm.” That bit of wisdom has helped me immeasurably. First, it has helped me to better understand how to work with talented people and to help them develop. Second, it has been a caution to me personally. I know that having talent in a given area never exempts me from neglecting discipline or character issues. We’re all just one step away from stupid. Wise people often use just a few words to help us learn and develop. They open our eyes to worlds we might not have otherwise seen without their help. They help us navigate difficult situations. They help us to see opportunities we would otherwise miss. They make us wiser than our years and experience.

[P7] 5. 𝘼 𝙂𝙤𝙤𝙙 𝙈𝙚𝙣𝙩𝙤𝙧 𝙋𝙧𝙤𝙫𝙞𝙙𝙚𝙨 𝙁𝙧𝙞𝙚𝙣𝙙𝙨𝙝𝙞𝙥 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙎𝙪𝙥𝙥𝙤𝙧𝙩 The first question most followers ask of a mentor is, “Do you care for me?” The reason for this question is obvious. Who wants to be guided by a person who isn’t interested in them? Selfish people will assist you only insofar as it advances their own agenda. Good mentors provide friendship and support, unselfishly working to help you reach your potential. Their mind-set is well expressed by business coach and author James S. Vuocolo, who says, “Great things happen whenever we stop seeing ourselves as God’s gift to others, and begin seeing others as God’s gift to us.” “Great things happen whenever we stop seeing ourselves as God’s gift to others, and begin seeing others as God’s gift to us.” —James S. Vuocolo One evening I was enjoying dinner with the former CEO of Girl Scouts Frances Hesselbein and author Jim Collins. Both were mentored by Peter Drucker, often called the father of modern management. I had met Drucker and learned from him, but they had enjoyed a long-term relationship with him and had known him well. I asked them what they had learned from him, and their responses focused on the friendship of the man more than the wisdom of the expert. What Jim Collins told me that night is expressed very succinctly in an article he wrote after Drucker’s death: But for me, Drucker’s most important lessons cannot be found in any text or lecture but in the example of his life. I made a personal pilgrimage to Claremont, California, in 1994 seeking wisdom from the greatest management thinker of our age, and I came away feeling that I had meet a compassionate and generous human being who—almost as a side benefit—was a prolific genius. We have lost not a guru on a pedestal but a beloved professor who welcomed students into his modest home for warm and stimulating conversation. Peter F. Drucker was driven not by the desire to say something but the desire to learn something from every student he met—and that is why he became one of the most influential teachers most of us have ever known. If the person who offers to mentor you doesn’t really support you and offer you friendship, then the relationship will always fall short of your expectations. Knowledge without support is sterile. Advice without friendship feels cold. Candor without care is harsh. However, when you are being helped by someone who cares for you it is emotionally satisfying. Growth comes from both the head and the heart. Only supportive people are willing to share both with you. 

[P8] 6. 𝘼 𝙂𝙤𝙤𝙙 𝙈𝙚𝙣𝙩𝙤𝙧 𝙄𝙨 𝙖 𝘾𝙤𝙖𝙘𝙝 𝙒𝙝𝙤 𝙈𝙖𝙠𝙚𝙨 𝙖 𝘿𝙞𝙛𝙛𝙚𝙧𝙚𝙣𝙘𝙚 𝙞𝙣 𝙋𝙚𝙤𝙥𝙡𝙚’𝙨 𝙇𝙞𝙫𝙚𝙨. A major theme in my life is the desire to add value to people and make a difference in their lives. One of the ways I do that is by mentoring people. But my time is so limited that I can mentor only a very few. This has caused frustration for me and for the many people who ask me to coach them or train them to coach others. To my delight, I finally have a solution to this problem. In 2011, some friends helped me to create a coaching company called the John Maxwell Team. It has become one of my most fulfilling “make a difference” commitments because it enables me to add value to many people by helping to train and certify coaches who teach my principles. Together, we are making a difference in people’s lives. I love the word coach. I read in my friend Kevin Hall’s book Aspire that the word derives from the horse-drawn coaches that were developed in the town of Kocs during the fifteenth century. The vehicles were originally used to transport royalty, but in time they also carried valuables, mail, and common passengers. As Kevin remarks, “A ‘coach’ remains something, or someone, who carries a valued person from where they are to where they want to be.” So if you had a coach, you knew you would end up at your desired destination. In a piece called, “A Coach By Any Other Name,” Kevin goes on to describe what it means to be a coach. He writes, In other cultures and languages, coaches are known by many different names and titles. In Japan, a “sensei” is one who has gone farther down the path. In martial arts, it is the designation for master. In Sanskrit, a “guru” is one with great knowledge and wisdom. “Gu” means darkness, and “ru” means light—a guru takes someone from darkness into the light. In Tibet, a “lama” is one with spirituality and authority to teach. In Tibetan Buddhism, the Dalai Lama is the highest-ranking teacher. In Italy, a “maestro” is a master teacher of music. It is short for “maestro de cappella,” meaning master of the chapel. In France, a “tutor” is a private teacher. The term dates to the fourteenth century and refers to one who served as a watchman. In England, a “guide” is one who knows and shows the way. It denotes the ability to see and point out the better course. In Greece, a “mentor” is a wise and trusted advisor. In The Odyssey, Homer’s Mentor was a protective and supportive counselor. All these words describe the same role: one who goes before and shows the way. “A ‘coach’ remains something, or someone, who carries a valued person from where they are to where they want to be.” —Kevin Hall No matter what word you use to describe them, coaches make a difference in others’ lives. They help them grow. They improve their potential. They increase their productivity. They are essential to helping people effect positive change. As my friend Andy Stanley says in The Next Generation Leader, “You will never maximize your potential in any area without coaching. It is impossible. You may be good. You may be even better than everyone else. But without outside input you will never be as good as you could be. We all do better when somebody is watching and evaluating…. Selfevaluation is helpful, but evaluation from someone else is essential.” “Self-evaluation is helpful, but evaluation from someone else is essential.” —Andy Stanley In my opinion, good coaches share five common characteristics. They… Care for the People they Coach Observe their Attitudes, Behavior, and Performance Align Them with Their Strengths for Peak Performance Communicate and Give Feedback about Their Performance Help Them to Improve Their Lives and Performance I have benefitted from hundreds of people over the years who have modeled personal growth, mentored me from their successes, and coached me to better performance by using these five characteristics. I am indebted to them. The process of growing with the help of a mentor usually follows this pattern: It begins with awareness. You realize that you need help and that following yourself is not a viable option for effective personal growth. I was fortunate to come to this realization early in my career. I recognized that I had no experience, no exposure, and no strong models within my circles to help me develop my potential. When a person comes to such a realization, one of two things can happen. The first is that the person’s pride swells up and he cannot bring himself to ask another person for advice. This is a common reaction. In his book The Corporate Steeplechase, psychologist Srully Blotnick says that people in their twenties starting their careers tend to be ashamed to ask questions. When they reach their thirties their desire to be individualistic makes it difficult for them to seek counsel from colleagues. That can definitely work against them. To keep from looking ignorant, they almost ensure their own ignorance. The other reaction to awareness is to humble yourself and say, “I need your help.” That decision not only leads to greater knowledge, but it also often develops maturity. It reinforces that people need one another—not just when they’re young and starting out, but their entire lives. As Chuck Swindoll so eloquently says in his book The Finishing Touch, -Nobody is a whole chain. Each one is a link. But take away one link and the chain is broken. -Nobody is a whole team. Each one is a player. But take away one player and the game is forfeited. -Nobody is a whole orchestra. Each one is a musician. But take away one musician and the symphony is incomplete… -You guessed it. We need each other. You need someone and someone needs you. Isolated islands we’re not. -To make this thing called life work, we gotta lean and support. And relate and respond. And give and take. And confess and forgive. And reach out and embrace. And release and rely…. -Since none of us is a whole, independent, self-sufficient, super-capable, allpowerful hotshot, let’s quit acting like we are. Life’s lonely enough without our playing that silly role. -The game’s over. Let’s link up. As I look back over my life, I recognize that the greatest assets of my growth journey were people. But then again, so were the greatest liabilities. The people you follow, the models you emulate, the mentors you take advice from help to shape you. If you spend your time with people who subtract from you, who belittle you or undervalue you, then every step forward that you attempt to take will be difficult. But if you find wise leaders, good role models, and positive friends, you will find that they speed you on your journey. I’ve been fortunate to have many fantastic mentors during the course of my life. My first models were my parents, Melvin and Laura Maxwell. From them I learned integrity and unconditional love. Elmer Towns and Zig Ziglar were two of the people I first learned from outside of the small circle I grew up in. Elmer was the first to teach me about growing my church. Zig was the first personal-growth speaker I followed. Both became good friends. Tom Philippe and my brother Larry Maxwell mentored me in business. Les Stobbe helped me learn how to write my first book. Peter Drucker opened my eyes to the importance of developing people to the level where they could replace me. Fred Smith helped me to fine-tune my leadership skills. Bill Bright showed me the impact that business thinkers can have on the world of faith. John Wooden taught me how to be a better man. No matter who you are, what you have accomplished, how low or how high your life has taken you, you can benefit from having a mentor. If you’ve never had one, you have no idea how much it can improve your life. If you have had mentors, then you already know—and you should start passing it on by becoming a mentor to others, because you know that it’s hard to improve when you have no one but yourself to follow. 

[P9] ◤ 𝘼𝙥𝙥𝙡𝙮𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙇𝙖𝙬 𝙤𝙛 𝙈𝙤𝙙𝙚𝙡𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙩𝙤 𝙔𝙤𝙪𝙧 𝙇𝙞𝙛𝙚 ◥ 1. Find a next-step mentor. Think about where you are currently in your career andthe direction you would like to go. Look for someone you admire who is two or three steps ahead of you on that same track. This person doesn’t necessarily need to be in your organization. Look for the qualities needed in a good mentor: a worthy example, availability, proven experience, wisdom, willingness to be supportive, and coaching skills. If those are present in this individual, ask him or her to mentor you. Before any meeting with a mentor, come prepared with three to five thoughtful questions, the answers to which will help you significantly. After you’ve met, work to apply what you’ve learned to your own situation. Don’t ask for another meeting until you have done that. At your next meeting, begin the session by telling your mentor how you applied what you learned (or how you tried to apply it and failed so you can learn what you did wrong). Then ask your new questions. Follow this pattern, and your mentor will be rewarded for his or her effort and will probably be glad to continue helping you. 2. We all need people who can help us sharpen specific strengths or navigatethrough certain problem areas. Who do you talk to when you have questions related to marriage, parenting, spiritual growth, personal disciplines, hobbies, and so on? No one person can answer all of these questions. You need to find several individual “consultants” to help you. Spend some time making two lists. First, list the specific strengths or skills you want to improve to reach your potential. Second, list the specific problem areas where you feel the need for ongoing guidance. Begin looking for people with expertise in these particular areas and ask them if they would be willing to answer questions when you have them. 3. Do you have long-term models whom you observe, follow, and learn from,people who can give you advice regarding the big picture of your life and career? Or are you trying to improve while having no one but yourself to follow? If you haven’t been asking others to help you on your journey, it’s time to start. Most of us begin by looking for worthy models to follow by reading about them in books. Start there. But don’t leave it at that. Look for people who will give you access to their lives. One such person for me was John Wooden. For many decades, I learned from him from a distance. I watched his teams play on television. I followed his career. I read everything he wrote. However, when he was in his nineties, I had the privilege of meeting with him twice a year for several years. I learned a lot from him and I’m very grateful for the time I had with him. As you look for models and mentors, I want to give you a word of caution. Oftentimes, people look good from far away, but when you get to know them, you discover qualities you don’t admire. If that happens to you, please don’t allow it to discourage you. There are plenty of people out there who have integrity and who are worthy to be respected and followed (such as John Wooden). Keep looking for them and you will find them.