📚𝘽𝙚 𝙊𝙗𝙨𝙚𝙨𝙨𝙚𝙙 𝙤𝙧 𝘽𝙚 𝘼𝙫𝙚𝙧𝙖𝙜𝙚

Learn about the attitude that defines success. Do you want to be at the top of your game? Do you want to be one step ahead? If you do, then it’s time to revamp your attitude! Because success is a state of mind and if you want to… "Be Obsessed or Be Average" Summary Introduction Have you ever felt like there’s something special about you? Like you stand out from the crowd? Maybe you’ve always been picked for sports teams in school. Maybe you win every medal and award there is to win. Maybe you’re always at the top of the class. If any of those things describe you, then it’s highly likely that you may have grown used to thinking of yourself as special or as someone who makes people stand up and take notice. But while it’s easy enough to be that guy in high-school or even in college, it gets a little harder when you enter the adult world. Or when you’re twenty years into your career and you feel yourself sliding into a slump. By that point, you may feel your motivation and self-assurance waning. So, how do you keep yourself going then? How do you stay at the top of your game? Over the course of this summary, we’ll explore the answers to these questions. We’ll also learn about the attitude you need to adopt in order to maintain success and get a competitive advantage.

Chapter 1: The Difference Between Being Obsessed and Being Average How would you describe an average person? You’ve probably met quite a few of them because — let’s be honest — most people are average. As kids, we grow up hearing that everybody is special and that everybody can do great things or live up to their potential. But as we get older, many people dismiss this. They become disillusioned by the failures they experience in life and take this as a signal that they were simply meant to be average. “Everybody can’t be special,” you often hear them say. This is often used along with other common refrains like, “Everybody can’t be the next Ed Sheeran,” (or any other big name in any industry). So, if you believe you’re nothing special, what do you do? Most often, you become one of those people who simply goes through the motions of life. You graduate high-school, but your grades are okay, not remarkable. You graduate college after pursuing a field of study that is steady or predictable and achieving grades that are nothing to write home about. From there, it’s likely that you find an unfulfilling job doing nothing too exciting and pursue personal relationships that are probably of the same nature. That doesn’t mean that your life is wildly unhappy or that you’re destined to slog through every day going, “Oh, woe is me, I’m just so average.” But it does mean that your life is unlikely to leave an impact on the world and that you’ll never reach your full potential. So, as you read over this prospect, you might want to ask yourself: is this what you want for your life? Is this the future you want for yourself? If your answer is no, then congratulations! You’re on the right path! Now it’s time to figure out how to put that desire into practice. The first step is becoming obsessed. But obsessed with what? If you’re not a big fan of your current job, it might be tough to imagine yourself becoming obsessed with your daily grind. But don’t worry — the author isn’t necessarily trying tomake you fall in love with your job, especially if it’s the wrong fit for you. 

Rather, the goal is to become obsessed with your true purpose in life — and that may or may not be reflected by your job! The author discovered this firsthand when he realized that even though he was busy all the time, he wasn’t actually happy. And in fact, despite being successful, he didn’t feel fulfilled by his job. That’s when he realized that he had simply gotten off track; he felt unfulfilled because he was no longer obsessed with fulfilling his true purpose! But what does it really mean to be obsessed with your true purpose? And how can you put that into practice in your own life? Let’s unpack the logistics by considering an example. Imagine you’re a salesman. Maybe you’re even an awesome salesman. You studied sales or marketing in college and you can sell water to a fish. So, because you’re good at your job and you’ve built a successful career, you assume you’re happy and fulfilled. But if you really stop and think about it, you notice that the act of selling a product isn’t what makes you come alive. Instead, you feel electric and energized when you're pitching to a new client or giving a speech. That might only comprise a small portion of your job, but it’s the highlight of your day. And if you reflect on those feelings long enough, you’ll notice something significant: your true purpose. Because that electric feeling is a clue. It’s your heart’s way of telling you what brings you the most satisfaction. So, if you follow that feeling, you'll realize that you weren’t meant to be a salesman; your true calling is to be a public speaker! The author discovered this firsthand through his own burgeoning moment of self-discovery. But it might not be so clear-cut for everyone. So, if you find yourself struggling with hints of a hidden purpose rather than a flashing neon sign, you might find it helpful to start by keeping mental notes about the aspects of your day that make you feel most alive. And keep in mind that these insights don’t have to stem from an aspect of your job. They don’t even have to sound like a proper career. For example, let’s say you’re a corporate executive and the highlight of your day is your morning workout or the time you spend baking cookies with your kids. If these are the activities that bring you meaning and fulfilment, then this may be a sign that you’re actually meant to be a fitness instructor or a baker! In fact, it’s totally possible that your true purpose is radically different from anything you ever imagined. And in the next few chapters, we’ll explore what that means and how you can pursue your purpose.

Chapter 2: Define Your Obsessions So, now that we’ve considered the difference between being obsessed and being average, it’s time to learn more about putting those obsessions into practice. So, how do you become obsessed? And how can you use your obsessions to fuel your pursuit of your true purpose? If you’re not used to thinking of yourself as being obsessed with anything,you’re not alone! The author observes that we often think of obsessions as being unhealthy or deranged; when we think of people who are obsessed with something, we typically think Fatal Attraction or Single White Female. But according to the author, that doesn’t have to be the case! In fact, when it comes to the cultivation of your life, your goals, and your true purpose, it’s okay to be obsessed. Here’s why: in this context, being obsessed means being infused with ambition and determination. It means that you’re so driven to accomplish your goals that you’re unwilling to be average. In this context, it is absolutely okay to be obsessed with becoming your best self. Here’s what being obsessed does not mean: in this context, being obsessed does not mean that you are crazy, unhealthy, or imbalanced. It does not mean that you neglect your family, your friends, or your health in the pursuit of your goals. Put simply, being obsessed just means that you are fierce and passionate in the way you chase your dreams. It also means that you seize the joy and opportunity in every moment of your life. So, what does being obsessed look like? How can you make yourself adopt that state of mind?

Well, as we established in the previous chapter, it starts with defining your life’s purpose. This is the most integral ingredient because that should be the thing that gets you out of bed every morning. (And that means you need a purpose in life that goes beyond something like, “I get out of bed every day because my alarm clock tells me to!”) Your purpose should be so enmeshed with your identity that if you’re not living into that purpose, you feel like you’re not being you. Once again, keep in mind that this doesn’t mean defining your self-worth in terms of productivity. This doesn’t mean getting out of bed so you can check off another item on your to-do list or use productivity as a form of validation. Rather, it means that you should find a purpose that makes your soul bloom and become obsessed with chasing that. For example, maybe your purpose is to bake incredible cakes that blend your love for baking with your culinary expertise. Maybe you come alive when you find that perfect mix of flavors and you love imagining how people will feel when they take a bite of that cake. Maybe your cakes are so delicious that they bring people together. So, in that case, you wouldn’t be obsessed with productivity or baking a certain number of cakes in a day. Instead, you would be obsessed with the feeling you get while you’re baking. Because when you’re baking, you feel like you’re doing what you were put on this earth to do. It’s that sense of purpose, passion, and meaning that you’re chasing and that’s why you get out of bed every morning. Of course, that doesn’t mean that it won’t ever be hard. It doesn’t mean that you will never fall into a slump. And it definitely doesn’t mean that, on some days, you won’t feel like laying in bed or not doing anything. Because unfortunately, even if you’re obsessed with your life’s purpose, you won’t always feel motivated. That’s simply human nature. So, because you won’t always be motivated, you must always be determined. And in the next chapter, we’re going to explore how you can cultivate that determination and put it into practice.

Chapter 3: Setting Your Motivation Milestones What do you hope the future holds? An average person might hope that they’re able to retire and sit around doing crossword puzzles all day. (Although that’s not to say that there’s anything wrong with crossword puzzles!) Rather, what’s wrong with this picture is the fact that it centers around accomplishing only one goal if that. Instead of reaching a variety of milestones in their personal and professional life, an average person hopes to make it to life’s finish line and call it good. And that’s exactly how you stay average. By contrast, however, someone who is obsessed with accomplishing their life’s purpose knows that doing the bare minimum is never enough. They also know that life is about more than just reaching one milestone. Instead, an obsessed person renews their sense of meaning and fulfillment by constantly setting new tasks for themselves to accomplish. For example, let’s go back to our example of the baker. Maybe you’ve left your corporate job to pursue your true calling as a baker and now you’re wondering what to do. Whether you intend to bake cakes for a living or you want to throw yourself into developing your passion project, one thing is true: you need to set some goals. In this example, your goals could take a variety of forms. Maybe you start by saying you want to bake and sell 100 cakes. Or maybe your goal is to turn your hobby into a profitable business by opening your own bakery. Your goal can take any form you like; the most important thing is that you set one and follow through!

But what if you’re able to accomplish that goal sooner than you thought? Maybe you estimated that it would take you six months to bake and sell 100 cakes, but you did it in half the time! So, three months and 100 cakes later, what do you do next? An average person would say, “Wow, that’s awesome! I did it!” and then rest on their laurels. But an obsessed person knows that accomplishing your first goal is only the beginning. So, if you’ve successfully launched a profitable bakery, don’t stop there! Set a new goal of becoming a chain and get to work on the development of that second store! Or, if you’ve sold 100 cakes in three months, set a new goal of selling 500 cakes in the same amount of time! And once you accomplish that goal, set another one, and then repeat this process for infinity. If you’re thinking that that sounds like a lot of effort or you’re wondering why you should bother, the author has this little nugget of wisdom to offer: goals are what separates the obsessed and the average. Because the truth is, it’s easy to give up. It’s easy to be average. It’s easy to set one small goal or accomplish the bare minimum and be content with that. But if you want to achieve real success in life, you must always push yourself to be faster, better, and stronger. However, that doesn’t mean comparing yourself to others or striving to be better than someone else. Rather, it’s about being obsessed with beating your own personal best and becoming the best version of yourself.

Chapter 4: Final Summary Many factors set successful people apart from their average counterparts, but the biggest factor is the desire to grow. Because where average people are content to accomplish the bare minimum, those who are obsessed with making the most out of life know that you must keep working to unlock your full potential. So, if you want to be obsessed (and not average), start by falling in love with your true purpose and defining clear and meaningful goals for yourself. Once you’ve accomplished these steps, you can use your obsession with excellence as fuel for pursuing your goals.

David Brooks defines the four commitments that lead to a life of fulfillment. New York Times writer David Brooks describes the first stage of adult life, from your 20s to your 40s, as the “First Mountain”. This period is… "The Second Mountain" Summary Introduction “If the first mountain is about building up the ego and defining the self, the second mountain is about shedding the ego and losing the self”. For Brooks the individualism encouraged by American culture is antithetical to a sense of community. That “We live in a culture of hyper-individualism,” and we need to rebalance our culture so that helping people can lead to a “deeper and more joyful life”. Brooks advises us to take joy seriously, and to understand the difference between joy and happiness. That joy is about forgetting oneself and finding contentment as part of our community, whereas happiness is about victory for the self. The first mountain is for happiness, the second mountain is to move beyond happiness and find joy.

Chapter 1: A Society Without Social Connections For the overwhelming majority of human history, we lived in dense communities and extended families. Humans are a social species, we survive through cooperation and thrive from social interactions. The USA today is an atomized nation. Families are scattered, neighbors rarely know each other, and we live in isolated boxes based around the nuclear family. This has led to rampant feelings of isolation and depression. Few people feel a sense of duty to their community or society. Less than half of the population votes, and less than 1 in 10 have a full conversation with a neighbor even once a year. Most adults only see their parents, their grandparents, their brothers and sisters, during holidays. Many don’t see them at all. 1 in 3 Americans report dealing with loneliness regularly.

Loneliness has well established health issues, both mental health and physical health. Loneliness increases cortisol levels, the stress hormone, which contributes to heart disease, the number one killer of Americans. Suicide rates have risen steadily, in fact suicide is the leading cause of death among men aged 18-35. Less than half of the population reports feeling trust or friendliness towards neighbors, approval of the government, or participation in community organizations. The US is a country full of people without direction. People that work too much and spend less and less time with friends and family. Within this space of isolation and emptiness the first mountain becomes all consuming.

Chapter 2: The Emptiness of Individualism Imagine you’re a young adult living in the individualistic United States, and you’re about to begin your pursuit of the American Dream. You just graduated from an excellent university with a marketable degree, so you’re well-equipped to succeed. The only thing left to do is to answer that dreaded question: Now what? Brooks puts forward a concept he calls moral ecology, which he defines as the zeitgeist or cultural moment we’re born into, as Brooks puts it “We all grew up in one moral ecology or another”. The dominant moral ecology of the baby boomer generation according to Brooks, was one of self-interest, a zeitgeist that emphasized the individual and downplayed any sense of duty to one another. A culture of “do your own thing”, in which self-sacrifice and our relationships with one another were less important than personal self-actualization.

The first mountain therefore becomes about empty pursuit. Our only forms of structure come in the forms of school and work. Our only forms of success become material. We work too much, experience direct human relationships too little, and hope our empty achievements give our lives meaning. Brooks writes that this moral ecology led to a “Big Swim to Nowhere”, a life based around aesthetics and narcissism, in which we all need to remain constantly busy, like sharks that have to keep moving in order to breath, or else we’ll be suffocated by the emptiness of it all. This has led to an existential crisis in which we no longer feel like members of a society, we feel lost and disconnected. Which Brooks says has caused us to seek to find a feeling of belonging but has resulted in too many of us reacting to our feelings of loneliness and mistrust by aligning ourselves with group identities based on hatred and suspicion of one another.

Chapter 3: The Valley Between The Mountains “The reason transformation happens in the valley is because something that had hitherto been useful and pleasant needs to die. That thing is the ego … [from] … the first mountain” At the peak of the first mountain, where you’ve achieved all or many of the things you thought you were meant to be pursuing, you notice that by virtue of being on top of a mountain that the only direction to go is down. And you realize there’s no point in staying on top of the first mountain since there’s nothing and nobody else up there. And so you descend into the valley between the first and second mountain. It’s here that Brooks says you have the chance to learn that joy, not happiness, is gained by seeking interdependence rather than individualism. Because it’s here that you learn that all the things you were pursuing on the first mountain won’t help you when life gets rough. When you lose your job or a loved one dies or you go through a breakup, it’s not vacuous material comforts that will help you get through it, it’s relationships. It’s leaning on others. This is why Brooks says that the place where we find lasting identity and purpose, a higher sort of freedom, is on the second mountain. Which rather than being one to climb, it’s one you also help build through relationships, through giving, and through building community.

Chapter 4: There’s More to Life Than Happiness For Brooks, happiness is a fleeting feeling. In American culture the pursuit of happiness is such a ubiquitous truism that it’s enshrined in our founding documents. But Brooks argues that a much more lasting feeling we should pursue is that of what he calls “moral joy”. Moral joy isn’t achievable via an individualist perspective because it’s not based on personal accomplishments, and can’t be obtained by yourself. Happiness is a series of experiences, the result of individual moments, not a lasting state of being. So when we’re brought up being taught to chase the first mountain the only thing we know how to do after moments of happiness have passed is to pursue another moment of happiness. And the periods of emptiness in between are just the cost of doing business.

This isn’t just an unfulfilling way to live, it’s also inherently self-centered. It’s about pursuing your well-being, your own goals, and your pleasure. And by their nature, the things that bring us happiness are ultimately pretty petty and unimportant. What good is being able to afford a fancy apartment in the long run? Achieving fleeting accomplishments leads to fleeting happiness, but lasting things, like helping others, lead to lasting feelings like contentment, fulfillment, and joy. This is why Brooks himself founded a group called the Social Fabric Project, to help weave the social fabrics of communities together. It’s a charitable organization that provides aid and resources for foster parents, helps the homeless, and so on. And it is in this way that Brooks challenges all of us to try and do the same.

Chapter 5: A Life of Service It seems a lot easier to tell someone to devote themselves to others and give up their own goals than it is to actually do it. Which is why Brooks does his best to argue that there are good reasons for doing so beyond abstract moral or religious principles. The main thing Brooks tries to argue is that a life of service is itself rewarding. That it leads to a higher and different level of happiness. So the point isn’t so much to give up your goals but to shift how you define them. Redefine what you think will make your life a fulfilling and happy one, and seek out the happiness that comes from bringing joy and charity to the lives of others. Brooks argues this is a much deeper level of happiness, a word he prefers to avoid in place of the word joy, though perhaps the word contentment would be equally applicable.

It seems almost Buddhist in principle; achieve happiness only by abandoning your pursuit of it. Abandon material pursuits, stop trying to make your life easier and instead try to make life easier for others. By helping to carry the weight of others, you remove your own weight from your shoulders. Finding joy in not just helping others but in focusing on the relationships in your life. Our culture so often teaches us to be fanatical about work and casual about relationships, whereas Brooks is arguing that we should all be doing the exact opposite. Indeed Brooks even brings up the issue individualism plays in relationships. In our culture things like marriage become self-serving, it reduces marriage to an alliance based on personal growth, self-expression, and self-actualization, rather than one based on mutual love and devotion.

Chapter 6: Love and Marriage As stated previously there are two ways to approach a romantic relationship, individualistically or devotedly. This can start by thinking about what a marriage ceremony actually is. At its core it is a public declaration of love and devotion, made in front of people you care about, the goal being to motivate you to follow through with those promises, to do the work to build and maintain that love. That on its own isn’t enough to make a marriage work. It requires actually putting in the effort, it involves putting your partner and your relationship first. It involves knowing your partner and being willing to open yourself up and let them know you on levels nobody else does. The self-serving individualism of our country can make that difficult. In order to move up in the business world it is basically expected that you will sacrifice your personal life. But putting a job for a company that doesn’t care about you ahead of the person who loves you isn’t going to bring you lasting joy or contentment. Quite the opposite. But there are other ways in which work can in fact contribute to a life of service.

Chapter 7: Vocations Over Professions Vocations and professions are commonly associated with blue collar vs white collar jobs, but Brooks instead defines them as jobs you do for passion vs jobs you do for money. Vocations can be seen as similar to relationships in that they require devotion. In a relationship you devote yourself to that one person over all others. A vocation is similar, you devote your time and energy to one field over all others. Whether you’re a scientist or an activist, or a chef, you focus on that field. For Brooks the goal is to make an impact. To choose a field you can genuinely make a difference in and decide you’re not just going to try and benefit yourself, enrichen yourself or achieve status, but to use your dedication to that vocation as a way to benefit everyone.

It also means putting integrity first, even if it’s not always beneficial to you. So when you’re looking for a vocation ask yourself what your skills are, what do you find engaging, what do you care about, and how can you use those qualities to serve others? If you want to actually climb the second mountain you need to be aware of how much work that takes. Both in literal energy and in emotional difficulty. Helping others means seeing lots of difficult things. It means becoming aware of and witnessing human suffering in a way most of us would choose to ignore. Helping the homeless or the terminally ill hurts, seeing people suffering like that hurts. That’s the other side of putting others first, not just giving up your own material gain, but dealing with emotionally challenging and demanding issues that in the short term can be extremely unpleasant and not at all joyful.

Chapter 8: Religious Service The connection between serving others and religion is an old one. Most of the oldest existing charities started as religious organizations, and Brooks himself sees a deep intertwining of religion and service. A recurring theme in The Second Mountain is the importance and usefulness of rituals. For Brooks the important part of a marriage ceremony is the ritual of professing love and devotion, the important part of declaring a college major is the ritual of choosing what direction you’re focusing your life on, and religious rituals are no exception.

The rituals of organized religions, for Brooks, provide a means of connection between people. They are something the entire group has in common regardless of their other differences, they remind people that they are connected and share a common set of beliefs and (in many ways) goals. Organized religion can also provide a social glue that gives people a sense of community. Even if you don’t know your own neighbors the church, or temple, or synagogue, or mosque is a common space you share with others. A place you can feel you belong. Humans evolved to live communally, to depend on one another and to feel like we’re a part of a group.

Chapter 9: Secular Service Not everyone is religious, in fact not everyone thinks religion is even a positive force in the world. But you don’t need to be a part of religion, or even respect religion, to try and build community or be of service to others. Community transcends religion, it’s a truly universal concept that we all understand regardless of country or religion or culture. And helping build and heal communities doesn’t have to involve changing the world on a grand scale, in fact focusing on the smaller more local scale might even be a better goal. It can often feel like you’re not actually changing anything in a material sense if you’re advocating for some change in government policy, or trying to raise awareness about a worldwide issue.

But helping locally can help you see the change before your very eyes. It might seem smaller, but the homeless person who was hungry, that now has food because you helped out at a food bank, probably doesn’t see it as nothing. Look into your own city at what issues need solving, it could be violent crime, or lack of proper education, or even just a lack of safe and constructive things for kids to do after school. All of those issues can be helped, starting an after school arts program or joining charity organizations helping to improve the economic circumstances of poor neighborhoods or working with the local government to help people find jobs can all have real life changing effects on the world.

Think about what causes you personally find important, maybe you’re an animal lover for instance, you can volunteer for a dog rescue or a local vet clinic. And if you ever feel like you’re just not doing enough remind yourself of the adage to not let perfect be the enemy of good. Ifyou feel like you haven’t changed the world, so what? If you change one life that’s more than many people ever accomplish. Chapter 10: Final Summary The process of dedicating yourself to serving others is one of commitments, commitments you make to yourself, to your spouse, and to your community. Brooks describes what he calls ‘The Four Commitments’, a roadmap for helping you in a life committed to serving your vocation, your marriage, your beliefs, and your community. Dedicating yourself to disciplined work and ritual over what is personally easy. Avoiding an individualist view of relationships that treats them merely as means of personal actualization and expression and instead focusing on self-giving and moral education. An education that involves learning to lose your sense of self and cultivating a sense of togetherness. For Brooks the solution to our broken system of isolation and loneliness is to re-commit to putting “the village over the self”. Whether you do that through religion, public service, or simply through friendship and love.